Chapter One
Once upon a time in a little castle called Hogwarts there lived two sworn enemies. Their names were Harry and Draco. Draco was in Slytherin and Harry was in Gryffindor. They really hated each other but for some strange reason Draco was developing a small crush on Harry. Draco loved the circular shape of Harry's glasses and the way they glinted in the sunlight. So far Harry did not have any feelings for Draco but he loved the way that Draco ate apples. He was a HUGE shipper of Drapple. This was because he hated the way Ron ate chicken, because Harry was a secret vegan. Harry secretly was in love with an asian prince called Benjamin. Benjamins real name was ARRN. But that was a secret so he didn't tell anyone. Harry liked to stalk Benjamin but because Benjamin was an Asian prince he didn't even know who Harry was. Harry even knew about Benjamin's secret truck fetish but he didn't care because he loved him. Anyway. Harry had a secret fetish for truck loving asians. But there was one problem.
Harry did not know where China was because he is British. That meant that he could not stalk Benjamin in the holidays. Harry also didn't know that Benjamin was not Chinese - he was North Korean. Harry didn't know that Benjamin's real name was Kim Jong Song. Benjamin didn't call himself Benjamin because he didn't want anyone to find out who he was, he did it because everyone called him Kim when in actual fact his first name was Jong Song.
Harry really really liked Jong Song but Jong Song didn't know that he existed. That meant Harry had to devise a cunning plan so that he could have the opportunity to meet Jong Song. Without looking like a stalker. Harry was going to China for the summer to meet Jong Song. He wanted to meet him and ask for his hand in marriage. Before he could do this though, he had to work out how to get there. He decided to go by broomstick. He left Hogwarts in a jiffy because he was too cool to go back on the train to see the Dursleys. Harry thought that the Dursleys were horrible people that thought he was a weirdo because of his fetish for truck loving asians. Harry left for China on his broomstick but he got into a spot of bother. It was very windy so he ended up in Japan instead but he still thought it was China. Harry did not know the difference between the chinese people and the japanese people. He thought that he was in China. He began his long search for the asian prince named Jong Song. But of course Harry thought he was called Benjamin. Silly Harry.
Harry found an old asian man that looked like Benjamin so he thought that was Benjamin's father. Harry looked in his mandarin phrasebook. Oh no! They all spoke japanese! The old man looked at harry like he was STUPID. Probably because he was. Harry looked for "hello" in his phrasebook.
"Wǒ ài nǐ" he said to the man.
The man looked at him strangely and walked away. Harry wondered if he pronounced it wrongly so he looked in his book. Stupid Harry! He said I love you not hello. Harry thought that the old man walked away because he found Harry's love confession to be strange but it was actually because he thought Harry was a crazy foreigner and he thought Harry was Chinese (he hated Chinese people). Harry decided that he must talk to another person, not that silly old crazy man. He walked up to a woman with a mole on her cheek.
He looked in his phrasebook and said "Nín de mó'ěr kàn qǐlái jiù xiàng yīgè yùmǐ piàn". She slapped him. Silly Harry had said"your mole looks like a cornflake" instead of "how are you today?" She was actually Chinese so she understood him.
He then said Běnjiémíng zài nǎlǐ which means" Where is Benjamin?" The lady looked at him. She was confused.
"Who is this Benjamin?" she asked. Harry pulled out a picture of Jong Song that he kept in his wallet. He was a bit confused because she suddenly started speaking English.
"My husband" he replied and kissed the picture