As with anything else, if you have a good name for this, tell me. I will be grateful.

Description: Raito and L get married (Raito is the hubby, of course! L's too cute to be seme) and have SEX! Lemons are marked clearly. -giggle- Now, this is my first Death Note fanfic. The first chapter contains no OCs, but be warned! I will be using Char, and he's a cross-dressing vampire. And then there's the part with David I need. Normally I wouldn't think of it unless it was needed, so yeah. THIS IS NEEDED. Naruto characters will be used later on, because Hidan would be a great influence on Near! thumbs up And uh, no one in Raito's family believes that he's gay, well, except for Matsuda. They'll be denying it throughout the entire story.

Plot holes are not intended, and if there are any, forgive me, but I am a mere mortal. One person cannot be expected to have no inconsistencies. Some Death Note characters won't be mentioned because I either (a)don't like them enough, (b)forgot about them, or (c)could care less. Updates will be far apart, 'cause I'm getting my tablet sometime this week and won't be writing. Story time now!

Sugar Cookie

Raito grunted and looked up at the man straddling him.

"What are you doing, Cookie?"

"I told you not to call me that, or I will be forced to call you by your nickname. Would you like that, Kira?"

L smiled as his boyfriend winced at the name. "God, (a/n: -laughs insanely-) it's so feminine! I mean, just, ugh…" L giggled and stuck his thumb up to his mouth.

"I'll never understand why you hate that name, you know that, Raito-kun? It's like, really strange."

"So, since I guess I must ask again, what are you doing?"

"Well, I was wondering if, um…"

He glanced down at Raito's face and blushed, the dark lines under his eyes standing out just a little bit more. Raito let his hands slide up to L's shoulders lovingly. "What is it, Cookie? Anything you want."

"Um… Sex?"

At that moment, if Raito had been drinking, he would've spit out whatever was in his mouth. Instead, Raito's face became fish-like and startled. His hands dropped from his boyfriend of two years in shock. "Sex? Like… Man sex? What… Gay people do?" L's eye twitched.

"Yes, Raito, dear. Like gay people do. If it hasn't quite occurred to you, you are gay."

"I might be gay," he sat up suddenly, knocking his black-haired counterpart over, "but I will not have sex with you before we get married."

"I knew you would say that! Or, I was 89 percent sure of it, but still! Oh, Raito, I would love to be your wife!" L wrapped his arms around his fiancé of three seconds. Raito paused and sighed, holding his love in his arms silently. "Oh, who're we gonna invite? And can I wear a dress? A nice pretty white one…" His eyes sparkled as his thumb came back to his face. He gnawed on it for a few seconds, then his eyes darted to Raito's face. L's expression became blank, then suddenly he squealed and glomped Raito.

(Bridezilla)

"WHAT? NO! I SAID STRAWBERRY CAKE! LOTS AND LOTS OF CAKE! BIG CAKE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU DOLT?"

The guests stared at the angered black-haired man questioningly. No one really understood who he was yelling at, but not a single person wanted to risk their life to ask. Fortunately for them, Raito came to the rescue.

"L, honey, it's okay. We'll get you some cake right now."

"So you want me to get fat before our wedding? Do you think I just sit around and eat sweets all day? YOU HATE ME!" He burst into tears and fell on the floor, sobbing wildly. "Raito, I want my dress…"

"Okay, sweetheart! It'll be just like how you want. Nothing's too much for my beautiful Cookie. Right, hon? Right?"

Raito bent down next to the sobbing man, petting his hair gently. It took a few minutes, but L did finally calm down, heaving a few dry sobs. "There, now. Feel better?" He nodded and sucked on his thumb, glancing up and smiling lightly. Raito continued to run his hand through his love's hair until L began to snore quietly. Then, wrapping his arms around the now sleeping man, Raito gently lifted him up and carried him out.

"Don't worry everyone, he'll be fine. It's just stress. Remember, the rehearsal dinner is next Friday. Until then, please don't make L angry!" He walked out the doors of the wedding planner's office carrying his bride in his arms. People stared at him strangely as he passed, but considering Raito's eyes were only on the pale sleeping face of the man in his arms, he didn't really notice.

(family matters)

Plink.
Plink.
Plink.
Plink.
Plink.
Plink.
Plink.

"Um, L honey? Isn't that enough sugar?" L's wide eyes stared at Raito silently, then he added another handful of sugar, reaching silently for the cup of cubes he kept on his person at all times. Raito sighed as L poured the contents of the cup into the chocolate milk. Both looked up when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it, sweetie."

"HEY COUSIN!" Mikami shouted happily as he grabbed Raito in a hug.

"Hello, Raito-kun." Misa walked up beside the two just as Raito stopped breathing, slumping numbly in Mikami's arms. "I think you killed him."

Mikami let go and Raito's now unconscious body fell to the floor with a thud. L giggled from the kitchen area. "He sure showed you, Raito." Mikami and Misa walked in, dragging Raito inside. L met them halfway through the hall and smiled. "Hi, I'm L, Raito's fiancé."

Misa smiled and held out her hand, grasping L's and shaking it. "I'm MisaMisa, and this is my chubby hubby Mikami." Mikami (who was trying to revive Raito with tales of childhood) looked up and began to cry.

"I am not fat! I work out all the time, sometimes past midnight! All for Raito!"

"Yeah, well Raito is not gay, no matter what, and he will certainly marry Misa."

"Um, I think he's gay…"

Both glared at L ferociously then turned away, trying to get Raito up. The doorbell rang again and this time L answered, hoping to God it was his father instead of Raito's family. It wasn't.

"Who are you? Why is my son on the floor!?"

"Hello, I'm L, Raito's fiancé. It's a pleasure to-"

"YOU'RE A MAN!"

"Yes, I am. It's nice to-"

"MY SON ISN'T GAY!"

"Yes, he is. Happy to have you here!" L rushed out before he could be interrupted by Raito's father again. The rest of Raito's family filed in, his mom, little sister, and brother-in-law. The other man walked up to L and whispered in his ear.

"I knew he was gay. No guy that good looking could possibly be straight. Well, except for me. I'm Matsuda, by the way." He said the last part out loud, just as Raito was getting up. The six of them filed into the small living room. Raito stood up and hugged L's shoulders, smiling appreciatively. The doorbell rang yet again, and Raito went to get it. But the white-haired man opened the door and walked through, hitting (and knocking out) Raito. L sighed. It was going to be a looong day.

"Hey Dad. Have a seat in the living room, if you can find one. I'll try and get Raito up…"

"So this is your fiancé? Kind of girly, isn't he? Fainting and all."

"You hit him in the face with a door."

"Oh…"

Watari walked away, whistling. L bent over Raito silently, staring at the bump that was forming on his forehead. He pressed it in wonder. Raito moaned. "God, maybe we should run off and elope. That would solve this mess."

"Now, now. I want a fancy white wedding. I'm even paying for it. Just suck it up and be a man."

The two of them walked out into the living room holding hands. Everyone stared at them.

"The dinner is in an hour. Seeing as we have," L counted on his fingers, "nine people, I suggest we just chat… We don't own any board games that are meant for that many players… So uh…" His thumb drifted up to his mouth and he sat there in silence, waiting for someone else to speak.

No one did.

(partay)

The wedding went almost smoothly, aside from random people from Raito's family shouting out that he wasn't gay. L would occasionally glare at them, but other than that nothing happened out of the ordinary. Raito had warned L not to throw the bouquet, though.

For good reason, L found out.

He threw it anyway, not paying attention to where it landed. Misa caught it in her hands and squealed happily. "OH! RAITO-KUN, YOU CAN MARRY MISA NOW! AREN'T YOU HAPPY!?" She ran up to him, kissing his face passionately. Everyone stared and clapped happily, as if that was normal. L sighed again, walking up to the two.

"Misa, may I speak with you." Misa turned around and glared at him. Her mouth moved to say something, but before she could get out a word L had his fist connected with her face. "KISS MY FUCKING HUSBAND AGAIN AND I SWEAR I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING SLUTTY HEAD OFF!!"

Everyone stared and backed away. Raito (who had fallen over when Misa let go of him) stared up and smiled happily. "Thanks for saving me, Mrs.Yagami. You know, I really appreciate it." They smiled at each other, and then looked at the crowd. All the people were either staring at them, or looking at Misa get blood on her white dress. She was such a bitch, wearing white at a wedding.

As for the after party, there wasn't much going on. L's drunk friends, Wedy and Aiber, waltzed around the recreation room. (a/n: remember, I've only ever been to two weddings, and most of my childhood is blocked out. I have NO CLUE what a wedding/reception is like. Ain't that WONDERFUL?) L had tried to stop them (they hadn't attended the wedding, he suspected they only came to the reception for the booze), but Raito had told him to not worry.

The two prayed they'd make it through this without having to kill anyone. Honestly, neither could wait for the day to end. It was taking a toll on their sanity. And, of course, neither man could wait for their honeymoon… Impatient bastards.

(holy crap! porno!)

"So…" L swiped his hair away from his eyes and looked at Raito seductively. "Can I get what I want now?"

Raito smiled and leaned over the table, pecking his husband's lips. "Nope."

"WHAT?"

"Well, honestly, hon, I would think you'd wait for dark to come around… It is only four o'clock…" L frowned and toyed with the leftover wedding cake. Most of it was gone into the dark depths of his stomach. He looked up and stared at Raito. Then, silently, nibbled (sexually) on a piece of the cake. Raito drooled just slightly.

"You're putting it off, I know you are. I want my honeymoon, dammit!"

"FINE! I'LL FUCK YOU SO HARD YOU'LL BE SORE FOR WEEKS!"

"IT'LL ONLY LAST A FEW SECONDS, JERK-OFF! I BET YOU'LL BE CRYING BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN GET IT UP MY ASS!"

(a/n: -drool-)

The two glared at each other hatefully. Sparks flew between the two men, igniting in the air as the sexual tension arose. Raito leaned over the table and forced his lips on L, climbing over it and getting his new pants dirty with cake and frosting. L wrapped his arms around Raito's neck and tried to get the other man to go deeper, which seemed to work like a charm. Raito let his tongue run over his husband's, the two moaning sensually into each other's mouths.

They kissed more frantically now, the two climbing over the table to get closer. Even though both were regularly sized when it came to adult males, their crappy Made-In-China table couldn't withstand their weight, and it collapsed under them. Falling to the floor, Raito moved to cushion the other man's fall. They landed with a loud "thump" and continued to kiss.

Raito let his hands run under L's shirt, pulling it above the smaller man's head in haste to continue their kiss. He began to move lower, licking and kissing the man above him. L panted out Raito's name as his arms shook in strain from holding himself up. Raito, of course, solved this problem by sitting up, wrapping his right arm around L's shoulders and running his other arm down the bare chest of his husband. He slipped his hand into the older man's pants and smirked when L gasped and bit at Raito's neck…

(a/n: -waves to crowd- Hey, so, I might read porn often, but I'm just 13 and therefore can't write man/man action. Sadness. Well, after the honeymoon time, I guess. Told ya the lemon was clearly marked! I'm so evil...)

"Told you I could last longer than I few seconds…" Raito wrapped his arms around L and breathed in the sweet scent. L snored lightly, making Raito smile and run his hand through the sweaty black hair of his love. L mumbled something then continued to snore, whispering things every now and again. Raito sat up in the dark and watched him sleep.

Hours later (around 10), L woke up and stared at the face above him. Brown hair fell down, lining a perfect, handsome face. He smiled. "Morning."

Raito chuckled as L yawned and stretched. "Actually, it's night. We could go catch a movie."

"God, no, you were right, Raito-kun. I'm really, really sore. If you carry me there, I'd love to go." He smirked. "And, since I let," Raito rolled his eyes, "you do those things to my bum, the least you could do is get me some cake."

"Sometimes I think I'm in Shallow Hal, you know that? You eat so many sweets, and yet you weigh less than I do. That should be impossible."

"I'm just so adorable. You know you love it." He blinked and smiled, stretching out on the large bed they shared. Raito kissed the other man's cheek and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep. Both slept through the night with the other in their arms.

(two months later) (I can't whore out names)

Raito awoke to the sound of L throwing up his late-night snacks. He moaned and got up, walking to their bathroom. Bending down, he pulled back dangling black locks of hair so they wouldn't get dirty. He sat on the floor next to his love and watched him hack up liquids.

"This is getting bad, Cookie. I think we need to take you to doctors." L finished puking and glared up at Raito.

"Doctors are evil! Trying to tell me I'm a diabetic, I'll kill him!" (L would then grab the Death Note out of Raito's hands and write his doctor's name. But WAIT! This is AU, oh noes!) The man shook his fist in the air then slumped over. "Oh, GOD, Raito, I need some food. I feel so tired."

Raito smiled and hugged the smaller man. "Okay, we'll go take you out to breakfast." L, who was positively too tired to argue, just nodded weakly. Raito squeezed his shoulders then moved to lift him up, carefully placing his hands so he would be holding L like a baby. He laid down L on the bed, then got dressed in his normal outfit of boring, stiff clothes. Raito pulled off L's pyjamas then put normal clothes on him.

He carried out the now sleeping man to the car and placed him in the passengers' seat, buckling him in. L began to murmur random things in his sleep, making Raito laugh silently as he pulled out of the driveway. Raito drove silently through the uncrowded streets of 6A.M. It took quite a while before they reached the doctor's office, seeing as it was on the other side of town, and it was already opened when he carried the smaller man in.

People stared for just a minute until shrugging and looking away. Raito placed L's unconscious body on one of the chairs and waltzed (oh yeah, he waltzed!) to the desk. "Um… My brother is sick, and we aren't sure why. He's been throwing up a lot, and I didn't have time to make an appointment. So do you have any open appointments right now?"

"Actually, you're in luck. You're brother," she winked knowingly, "will just have to wait another half hour. We can send him in after that." Raito smiled and thanked her, hurrying back to L, who was now playing with the small amount of children's toys.

"L, honey, don't touch those. They're filled with disgusting germs. Do you want to get even more sick?"

L stared up at Raito. His eyes looked dead with the black lines even darker than normal around them. Raito couldn't fight with that face; it was too cute. He just nodded and sat next to L in a chair. (a/n: I don't touch anything in a doctor's office if I don't have to. It's disgusting and filled with sick people germs. Gross.)

The nurse came out soon enough and led them through hallways of sick people, because let's face it, only sick people would go to the doctor's office at 7 in the morning. L sat on the bed with the crunchy paper. Raito sat in a chair, not touching anything with his hands. He looked up at L, who looked very sickly in the bright light, and sighed. "I hope this is nothing serious."

"Me too."

After waiting a for a few minutes, the doctor came in and looked over L. He said some things to him that Raito couldn't hear, then handed L a cup. "I'm sorry, but we need a sample. The bathroom is down the hall. If you have any trouble, a nurse will help you.

L left the room quietly, cup in hand. The doctor and Raito sat in a rather awkward silence. They had to wait for only a minute. L came back with the cup filled with yellow liquid. He handed it to the doctor, who left when he had a firm hold on it.

He came back in after about ten minutes, saying that it would only take a few minutes for it to do the initial tests. He left the room and went somewhere else.

Ratio got up and walked to L, who was dozing where he sat. Raito wrapped his arms around the smaller man and dug his head into the crook of L's neck. "I love you." L smiled sleepily.

"You too, Raito-kun…"

(there's a break here. just pointing it out.)

"Well, I checked your records, Mr. and… Mrs.Yagami. It would seem that you're, um… I don't know how to put this…

"You're going to have a baby."

Raito gained a shocked fish-face at that and stuttered something before slumping and falling back in his chair.

"WHAT?" L screamed, his sickness momentarily forgotten in complete and utter surprise. "You realize that that's physically impossible, right!? I don't have woman parts!"

Raito's eyes were rolled back in his head, and he was making strange gurgling noises. L was babbling non-stop about how the doctor was a quack and how he couldn't possibly be pregnant and how he swore it was just because he hadn't been eating enough that he was sick.

But none of his arguments could keep the truth from being true.