Swallowtails and Shooting Stars
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
A/N: Well, I finished five chapters of my original fiction (which still doesn't have a title) so I figured I'd reward myself by spewing out as many one-shots as possible tonight, and just tonight. You won't hear a peep from me for another month or two at the least. Just to make things perfectly clear, the title has so little to do with the story it's actually a joke unto itself. Believe it!
Summary: Sakura feels so useless, not being able to help her team in the cooking competition! But Lee assures her that his youthful cherry blossom is anything but, and then there's Sai who wants Naruto to sleep with him. But that's a different story, isn't it?
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"Greetings, youthful companions!" Lee proclaimed, making a dramatic entry into Sasuke's kitchen. "What are we cooking this most wonderful day?"
Sasuke, Naruto and Sai turned to look at the boy. "We aren't cooking anything if by we you include yourself with s," the Uchiha said meanly, "Because we are on one team and you are on another, therefore making you the enemy in this scenario."
"Believe it," Naruto nodded, "Sorry thick brows."
"This cook-off…is pretty serious shit, huh?" Sai asked, popping a strawberry into his mouth and somehow managing to look suggestive as he said it, "The emotions it brings out in the participants are really something. I'm learning so much about people!"
Lee drooped, his youthfulness fading fast. Then a thought struck him, and with it, his mighty vigorous youth came rushing back.
"Ah! Where is my cherry blossom of youthfulness? Is she also not on your team?"
"If you're talking about Sakura—" Sasuke was cut off as Naruto jumped him. "Teme! Don't say a word! I'm not letting thick brows get near Sakura-chan!"
"She's at the docks because shit-for-brains so tactlessly told her she couldn't roast a duck on fire," Sai said, ignoring Naruto's glare.
"Then I shall go to her!" Lee declared grandly, "And cheer her up, spreading my youthful vigor!"
"Oh no way—"
"Naruto! You stay put; you're the only one here who can make a crème brulee worth shit!"
"But Sakura-chan will—"
"Dobe."
"Hahaha. I'll stay."
Sai winked at the blond. "Don't worry sexy foxy. Should ugly-dog Sakura fall for Lee-san's youthfulness, I will be your lover."
"WHAAAAAAT?! NO WAY!!"
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"Sakura-san!"
"Lee?"
"Why are you here, alone, and why do you sound so non-youthful?"
She smiled sadly. "I can't help my team. I'd burn a salad. I can't even do the dishes without somehow managing to cut myself and break the china."
Lee sat down next to her. "But still! How not-in-the-spirit-of-youthfulness, for Sasuke-kun to toss you aside!"
"I'm seriously useless though," she said dispiritedly, "I feel the way I used to feel before Tsunade-sama took me on…like in did in the chuunin exams. Everyone was protecting me, no one was letting me fight. And the worst part was, even if they did I'd have ended up getting my ass kicked."
Lee leapt up. "My cherry blossom of youthfulness is NOT useless! She is a kunoichi of great talent and vigor and beauty and charisma. Come Sakura-san! I shall show the people of Konohagakure that you are very useful and resourceful!" he grabbed her hand and began to drag her away.
"Lee!? Where are we going, what are we doing?! Wait—more importantly, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, 'MY CHERRY BLOSSOM OF YOUTHFULNESS'!"
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"Sakura-san," he said, "Welcome to the refreshing youthfulness of my kitchen!"
The jade-eyed girl frowned. "I don't get it."
He sighed, dramatically. "We shall cook! We shall take part in the cook off as our own team, and we shall show with our vigor that your youthfulness is not to be taken lightly!"
"Lee you idiot were you even listening to me at the docks? I CAN'T COOK!"
"Nonsense Sakura-san! I have plenty of cooking skills, and I shall teach you as we go! First—the apron!" he yelled (youthfully) and grabbed a pink apron, wrapping it around her. She blushed a little at how close he was, and Inner Sakura purred as his arms grazed her hips. This feels nice…
"Lee?" she asked, "Why do you have a pink apron?"
"Ah!" he exclaimed, flushing furiously, "Actually, I was hoping that one day if Sakura-san saw fit to become my girlfriend, we would wake up together and make breakfast together…"
She had to smile at that. "Lee, you're cute," she informed him, and he nearly burst out of his suit in pride.
"Come, Sakura-san, let us cook!"
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"Well," Sasuke said, "That's the awesome blossom done!" he gazed with unmistakable pride at the explosion of fried batter and onions and other, less mentionable looking condiments.
"The main course is finished," Sai declared, "Lasagna is surprisingly easy to make. Don't you think it looks appetizing? Much like my fox's dick!"
They looked at the blackened mess, and shuddered.
"Naruto," Sasuke said, "How's the crème brulee coming?"
"I think I put in too much honey," he scowled at his perfect dessert. Sai and Sasuke gaped.
"Well, time to submit our entries," Sasuke said, "Maybe we'll get a consolation prize or something."
"Naruto-kun," Sai asked "If there's any of the crème brulee left, may I eat it…off of you?"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT!? YOU PERVERT!!"
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"Tsunade-sama," Shizune said, "It looks like it'll be touch to judge the best food, ne?"
"Well I know who most definitely will not win," Tsunade sniffed, turning away from Team Gai's table, "Those three can't cook for beans."
"It's not our fault stupid Lee formed his own team with Sakura," Tenten growled, "Or we'd have definitely won!"
"What?" the Hokage exclaimed, "Sakura and Lee! This I gotta see!"
Shizune picked up Tonton, and they hurried after their master.
"Oh! This looks and smells great!" the honey blonde wowed over her apprentice's table, "Yum, yum!" she picked up fork and spoon.
"Ah…Hokage-sama," Lee began, but Sakura shook her head.
"No way. Don't interrupt her, it's like taking ramen away from Naruto."
They watched in open-mouthed amazement as the Legendary Ninja inhaled the meal for four in twelve minutes flat.
"I've always wondered what she eats for her breast to become so large," Anko murmured, "I guess it's more like how much she eats, huh?"
Tsunade let out a huge burp. "Excuse me!" she giggled. Shizune blinked. "Uh, let's move onto the next table…"
"No need at all!" the woman said, "Lee and Sakura win, that Akimichi boy gets second place…and uh, third place goes to…"
Sasuke, in a moment of desperate picked up Naruto's crème brulee and ran forth. "Try this—ah!" he tripped on Kiba's innocently outstretched leg, and the confectionary flew into his Hokage. Tsunade dipped a finger into the combustion on her face and tasted it.
"And third place goes to whoever made this!"
Lee beamed at the stunned Sakura. "See Sakura-san? I told you you're not useless!"
She squealed suddenly and glomped him. "Oh Lee! I never could have done it without you! You're a freaking genius!"
He blushed as she kissed him, and kissed her back. The surrounding spectators burst into applause (why? Because I fucking feel like it) and Tsunade smiled.
"Come on, Shizune, let's salvage as much of this crème brulee as we can!"
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That's one one-shot done! Did I spell crème brulee correctly?