Snowed In
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summary: Ibiki gets stuck with Gai in a cabin during a blizzard
Author's Note: Written for Athame. Possible out-of characterness
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 20 December 2008
Rating: T
Ibiki burrowed deeper into his coat and wondered what deity he had offended recently. All he wanted to do was go to the Winter Festival and get some of Teuchi-san's whiskey eggnog. The nog in question was only made for the Festival and if he missed it…
"Three hundred sixty-two! Three hundred sixty-three!"
The snow that blew outside, he fervently hoped, would stop very soon. If it stopped in the next hour, he could still make it home in time for at least part of the Festival—if he ran at top speed and didn't sleep for the next four days. He could survive the cold—it wasn't quite as dangerous as it could be, as it was still snowing. Of course, it might be a problem if the snow stopped…
"Three hundred sixty-four! Three hundred sixty-five!"
But he'd be running so much it wouldn't matter. By the time the exhaustion would be making him susceptible to the cold, he'd be in the Fire Country's boarders and thus in a much warmer climate.
"Three hundred sixty-six! Three hundred sixty-seven!"
This, of course, also operated under the assumption that the wind would stop at the same time as the snow did. It wouldn't make a difference if the snow kept coming if one couldn't tell what was newly fallen and what was just being blown everywhere.
"Three hundred sixty-seven! Three hundred sixty-nine!"
If only the radio still worked, he could listen in and see how much longer this stupid little blizzard was predicted to last.
"Three hundred seventy! Three hundred seventy-one!"
To be honest, he'd settle for anything working right now; lights, life, heat, something.
"Three hundred seventy-two! Three hundred seventy-three!"
At least the miserable little shack that they were currently stuck in had a fireplace and candles; he didn't want to think about how shitty it would have been inside if they didn't have the tiny little fire going and the sputtering tallow candles to weakly give off their dying glow.
"Three hundred seventy-four! Three hundred seventy-five!"
"Gai-san."
The self-proclaimed Big Prideful Beast of Konoha immediately stopped whatever new bizarre excise he was putting himself through and flashed a smile that briefly lit up the entire room. "Yes, Noble Ibiki-san?"
"Stop counting out loud."
"Of course!" Suddenly, a sunset beach scene (complete with leaping dolphins) appeared as Gai did one of his 'Good Guy' poses. "I shall stop making such Annoying and Incessant Noises! If I cannot complete my Youthful Exercises in complete Silence, I shall perform three thousand Power Squats!"
Ibiki rubbed the bridge of his nose and longed for whiskey eggnog. And maybe the village, too.
Gai returned to whatever he was doing before, working vigorously on not only keeping his muscles toned, but staying warm as well. He had managed—through some strange miracle—to even work up a sweat, despite the cold temperature.
Ibiki glared balefully at the white stuff that was slowly creeping up the windows. It was too dark to read—if he had anything to read—and Gai wasn't exactly what one called a 'stimulating conversationalist'. He had nothing to do. He'd nothing to do for the last three hours. He'd already thought of seventy-three new things to try in the Interrogation Room and mentally planned the schedules for the next eight months. He had constructed the next year's budget and how the department would stick to it, as well as what to do if they went over again. He had also planned how to maximise his whiskey eggnog time, three times already.
He was so bored he thought his brain might start oozing out of his head at any minute.
Finally, he decided the only thing to do was go to sleep. If he was sleeping, he wasn't knowing that he probably had another 368 days before he got any whiskey eggnog. Plus, it was harder to be bored when one was asleep.
He banked the fire and put all the candles but one out of their misery. In the corner where a lumpy, rickety, tiny bed stood, he spread out the bottom half of his bedroll and tossed his coat on top for extra warmth. "Do you want to face the wall or the room?"
"I shall face the Room! Being in the Springtime of my Youth, I must be Prepared to Defend my Loyal Comrades at Any Given Moment!" Gai said cheerily as he finished up his exercises. With a flourish, he whipped out his bedroll.
Ibiki grunted and turned so his back was to the room and felt the bed squeal in even more protest as Gai flopped on his side so his back was pressed against Ibiki's. With a flick of his wrist, Gai sent his bedroll snapping out and over them in a dramatic arch.
Ibiki rolled his eyes. Couldn't the man do ONE thing normally? It wasn't usually a problem for him to put up with Gai—the guy was a constant reminders of the brighter side of life—but he had never been locked in an tiny one-roomed cabin with the man for long periods of time, either.
How Kakashi put up with it day in and day out, he had no idea. Maybe he could get the Copy Ninja to share his secret. A few hours without those poorly-written books should do the trick…
Ibiki woke up sweating. Suddenly, Gai didn't seem like such a waste of space. The amount of heat the muscled man was exuding was enough that Ibiki entertained the idea of not leaving the bed for a while.
And from what he could see when he twisted, the room was dark not only because of the clouds, but because the snow had risen passed the windows.
Why would anyone want to live in the Snow Country?
Ibiki sighed silently and dropped back down on his side and lamented his bad luck. He should have told that busty excuse for a Hokage to shove it when she threw the mission at him. Or insisted that Teuchi-san and his shop come with him.
"Are you missing our Fair Village?" Gai's booming voice was muffled, almost like the big man had put his hand over his mouth to make sure that he didn't deafen Ibiki.
"A little."
"Do not Despair! This Vile Storm will end soon and we will be able to Return!"
"It will be too late by then."
"Ah, you wanted to see the Wonderful Winter Festival." Gai sounded sympathetic. "I am Greatly Saddened that I will miss it, as well."
Despite the fact that Gai probably really didn't understand, it was still nice to know the man thought he did.
"I did sign on for this mission."
"Yes, but to be Delayed from the Festivities which you are in the Springtime of your Youth is Heart-Wrenching! I shall Attempt to Recreate the Revelry so you will not feel that you have Missed it!"
…Ibiki took back any good thoughts he had about Gai as the man began to plan how he was going to make festive robes out of bark, mothballs, ration bar wrappers, and snow. "No."
Gai broke off mid-speech. "Pardon?"
"No."
"No?" It sounded like it was a foreign concept to the big man.
"We are not making a replica of the festival here." It won't have the most important part of the festival, anyhow.
"But it would Raise your Gloomy Spirits! Unless…" Gai was miraculously silent for a moment. "Unless you are missing your most precious person?"
Ibiki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Gai wouldn't see it, and even if he could, Ibiki doubted the man's ability to understand the gesture. "No, I am not." Just the whiskey eggnog.
"Notmissing…" Gai gasped, truly scandalised.
"I don't have one anyone like that." Ibiki decided to head that speech off at the pass.
"But—but—Springtime of your Youth! I cannot believe that such a Youthful and Skilled Ninja such as yourself has found No-One to Waken the Buds of Vitality of your Soul! Our Village is Filled with Good and Attractive People!"
Ibiki—for the first time in years—actually felt himself starting to tune things out. As much as it pained him to do so, he made himself focus on Gai's blabbering; he hadn't gotten to be the head of Konoha's T & I by ignoring things, no matter how annoying they were.
"—And I shall Take Up the Challenge with Strength and Youthful Determination! Nothing shall Sway me in my Noble Quest! I will be the Best Precious Person that One could Ever Dream of! I will—"
"Gai-san."
"Yes, Ibiki-koi?"
"…If you ever call me that again, I will kill you."
"Ah, Boundaries! Such a Crucial and Essential of any Youth Relationship! I am Glad that you will not be Shy and Timid about your Feelings on Different Matters! Having Clean Communication Channels is Central to any Relation—"
"Gai-san, we are not in a relationship. Nor are we ever going to be."
"But you have no Precious Person! Everyone needs one! And until I have found one for you, I shall Fulfil that role to the best of—"
"No." Ibiki rubbed the bridge of his nose and wondered why the gods were trying so hard to get him to kill one of his fellow ninjas.
"Fear not! I shall win your heart or I shall renounce my position as the Prideful Beast of Fair Konoha and I will no longer be Fit to be the Eternal Rival—"
"An important part of relationships is the fact that they are built on the mutual agreement to be in one."
"But Youthful Men such as ourselves Cannot enter a Beautiful and Nurturing Relationship without Negotiating the Terms! We Cannot think of having Mutual Consent without know what we are Consenting to!"
Damn, Gai actually had a valid point there. Why did Ibiki always get the stubborn ones? Why couldn't he—for once—attract someone who was normal and mentally stable and flexible?
Well, Gai might fit the last one very well, but he wasn't going to be the one who found that out.
"Relationships are also built on mutual physical attraction." It might be best to try for a different angle. "You have shown no interest in—"
"There is More to Youthful Love than what is in a Dusty File!" He was yanked unceremoniously against Gai's strong chest. "You do not account for the Powers of Inner Beauty!"
"Let…GO!" Ibiki wheezed, unable to draw a proper breath with Gai squeezing him so hard.
He suddenly found himself face-to-face with Gai. "You seem Very Set Against us trying to have a Youthful and Romantic Relationship." The black-haired man said, face serious. "Perhaps you should be Fair and give this a Try before Making up your Mind."
"Are you suggesting that we play 'get to know you sex'? Ibiki asked sarcastically.
"My Eternal Rival believes there is No Better Way to learn about Possible Precious People."
"You're actually going to go by what Kakashi-san does?" Maybe this was all a drunken dream, brought on by too much whiskey eggnog. Or a really, really twisted genjutsu—
"I think that I should Experience it before I Criticise it." Big hands caught the edge of Ibiki's uniform outer shirt. "Besides, I Doubt that this Fierce Storm has Abated, and I think we Run the Danger of Running out of Things to Do."
"You need to stop spending so much time with Kakashi-san."
"Possibly, but I do Not think that is an Important Discussion to be having Right Now. Perhaps we can Revisit it Afterwards?"
Ibiki huffed an annoyed sigh. "Fine. But one thing. I get to be on top."
Gai's eyes picked up a strange gleam. "Is that a Challenge?"
"It's a statement of a fact."
The gleam got stronger. "We'll see."
Ibiki wasn't going to see the Winter Festival and he wasn't going to get any of his whiskey eggnog, but he was going to find out just how flexible Gai was. It probably didn't compare, but there was only one way to find out.
x Fin x