Sometimes I Love you
By When-Turtles-Strike-Back
I've always been a good girl that did the right thing, so it was only natural that when Ron proposed to me, that I would say yes. Ron loved me, he wanted to marry me and have lots of little babies with me, with his hair and my brain (not the other way around, because my hair sucks and his brain is well, you know) I said yes, right away… before I had the chance to run away. I love Ron. He's one of my very best friends. I love that he's completely devoted to me, Ron would never betray me, but is one person's devotion enough to make a marriage last. Will I forgo my happiness so that he can have is. Will he be happy after ten or twenty years of having a wife that doesn't love him quite as much as he loves her.
I never want to hurt him. He's so sensitive about some things. I feel guilty though, whenever I say "love you" back to him, like it's a sin to say something that important without meaning it like he does. Sometimes I wish so hard that Ron was different, that he would do something to warrant me not going through with this union. I wish that he'd cheat on me or beat me, or hurt me so bad that it would damage my heart forever, but that's just so selfish of me. Ron, despite being a temperamental fool, was also a really good significant other, if only he could find someone equally as good. The truth is I don't think I've ever loved him like he deserved. I thought I did, but then I realized that I didn't. I do love him, but not as much as I love his best friend.
Harry Potter, the boy hero of our world, and second most recognizable name in the wizarding world just under Dumbledore and before Voldemort. He won wizard of the year the year he defeated Lord Voldemort, but he didn't show up to the party, Harry doesn't like the attention. If it had been Ron, he would have been there in a snap, given a long speech, chatted all the important folk up, and regaled tales of his triumph over the "Dark Lord Voldemort" exaggerating all the important bits. He'd pretend to be modest about it, but wouldn't really be. Harry is special, and if things had been different maybe I'd have married him, instead of her.
I am envious of Ginny Weasley-Potter. She is so lucky to be cherished by somebody like Harry. They love each other so much, when you're around them you feel like your suffocating in all the mushiness of them, really I'm just a jealous bitch monster. I hate my heart so much. Why can't I love Ron as deeply as I love his brother in-law? Why do I have to be the evil witch in this fairy tale of our lives, it's not fair. When I see them, the two of them so happy, it hurts, but I want that hurt. I deserve so many bad things to come my way. I should be stripped of all my senses, be cursed to live my life deaf, dumb, and blind. I should be horribly disfigured, like some kind of hideous crone from a brother's Grimm story. That's what I deserve, and the saddest thing is even then Ron would probably stay by my side, as loyal as a dog.
I wish that I had no heart, that it turned cold, and maybe that is why I am dooming myself to pretend to love Ron Weasley. Why I will bear his children and not Harry's. I won't break up a happy family, or maybe I would, if Harry let me. That's why, because I'm afraid what I'd do if I weren't tied to Ron. I would become one of those women in a heartbeat if Harry weren't so damned good. To bad Ginny was a good and loving wife who had a good and loving husband. Wouldn't it be nice if she was a bitch to him, it would also be nice if the baby she carried turned out to be black or something… there's probably a spell of some sort to do that, wouldn't Ginny be surprised.
Evil thoughts have been penetrating my goodness for sometime, and I'm not sure if I don't want to act on them. I wonder what would happen if I had the courage to go down that road. Sometimes the only reason I don't do something horrible like dose Ginny with a unloving potion or something is that I'm pretty sure Harry would hate me if he found out about it, and that would kill me.
I will marry Ron. Our marriage will make us both miserable and dead inside, but I would rather hurt Ron than Harry. I can be an evil bitch sometimes.