Just Think Before You Speak
Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for
Brittany awoke early on that Wednesday morning. After blinking her eyes open for a few moments, she silently reached for her phone and checked the time. 5. 30Am. Plenty of time.
A glance to her left, she smiled, taking in the sleeping form snoring quietly beside her.
Santana Lopez. The very air she breathed. Her protector. Her lover. Her best friend. There were so many things that Santana meant to Brittany, if she were to try and list them on a piece of paper, she would run out of room.
Brittany reached out, fingers brushing down the side of the Latina's smooth skin.
Minutes passed as she watched the sleeping girl, but Brittany knew she had to get up. She was excited this morning.
Slowly easing out of bed, she stretched her long limbs, shivering slightly from the cool summer morning air breezing gently through her open window.
Quietly, Brittany crossed over to her desk and sat down in front of her computer.
Her parents had been a little shocked when their daughter had asked for it. They hadn't thought that a computer would be high on the list of things that a popular cheerleader would want, but when Brittany's birthday came around, she squealed with joy when she received the machine.
Santana had been slightly miffed as well. Brittany didn't even know how to turn a computer on, and had once opened the disc tray on one of the school computers, frowning slightly, and asking Santana where the mail was.
When asked about why she wanted a computer, Brittany shrugged, saying she wanted to do 'stuff'. Santana didn't question her further.
It took a couple of weeks, but Santana coached Brittany on how the computer worked. From turning it on, to surfing the web. Brittany had sat entranced, scribbling furiously in a notebook, making sure she wrote down all of the instructions Santana was giving her.
One evening, Santana sat Brittany down and showed her the new email address she had created for her, . Brittany sat with her mouth wide open, her eyes gleamed with excitement. Santana thought that Brittany had never looked so beautiful and innocent at that moment.
Brittany reached over, tangling her fingers with Santana's, a huge grin on her face. She had then moved over and brushed her lips over the other girls, whispering a thank you, before deepening the kiss.
Unfortunately, Santana didn't get around to showing her how her email worked that evening. Brittany had dragged them both to bed, where she proceeded to show Santana how much she meant to her.
And now, weeks later, Brittany sat in front of her computer, checking her emails (Santana had gotten around to showing her...eventually). She had a funny feeling in her stomach, as she read the email telling her that the next chapter in her story had been posted.
...
Nobody knew, not even Santana, that the slightly ditzy cheerio had been spending her spare time writing a story. Nobody would have believed that Brittany could actually string words together in a piece of fiction.
Brittany had learning difficulties, everyone knew that. She tried so hard to absorb the information in Math classes, but took to copying from Becky when it became evident that she couldn't grasp the whole numbers thing. English class was embarrassing for her, and when she was made to read in front of the other students, Santana would quietly mutter the words that she couldn't pronounce, helping Brittany through.
Brittany loved stories though. She was amazed when she found a website full of what people called fan fiction. Stories that ordinary people wrote using their favourite characters from TV shows, movies, books, the ideas were endless...
The blonde became absorbed with this world. She found stories about her favourite TV couple, and sat smiling at the fluff pieces, crying at the angst pieces, gripping the edge of her seat at the hurt pieces.
She would come home from school, and between the hour that she sat down and Santana arrived, she checked for chapter updates, excitedly clicking on the new parts to the stories. The hour went far too quickly, but the stories were forgotten when Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany, and told her that she loved her. She was living in her own fan fiction world with the one she loved.
...
It took a lot of courage for Brittany to start her own story. She'd had an idea floating around her head for a while, but wasn't sure she could put it down on paper.
A thriller piece. That's what she wanted to do. She knew the characters she would use, her favourite TV couple. But the doubt was there. Brittany didn't want to ask for Santana's help with this. She wasn't afraid that the other girl would ridicule her, Santana would never do that. She always supported Brittany, no matter what crazy ideas she had floating around in her head.
Brittany wanted to do this alone, wanted to at least try, to say that she'd done it.
The process had started slowly. Brittany opened a new document, and stared at the blank page. Doubt was nagging at her, telling her that she was stupid, her skills at grammar not good enough.
She closed her eyes, and let her mind spirit her to a calm place. She recited the mantras that she remembered her mother used in her Buddhist meditations. The feeling of peace washed over her skin, and she knew, she could do this.
Opening her eyes, she watched her own fingers hovering over the keys. "Just write", her mind told her. And she did. She wrote angst and hurt, pain and anguish. This was fiction though, it didn't reflect on her own life. The idea was for the story to be different, and she let the words flow, stopping now and again to use the spell checker. She was thankful that Santana had shown it to her.
Two hours later, Brittany sat back and re-read what she had written. It wasn't perfect, but she had done it, her first chapter. She felt proud.
Posting the story was difficult to do; Brittany had to go to Google to ask how it was done. She loved Google, he knew everything.
But there it was, her first chapter for everyone to see. She couldn't pretend not to be afraid, the story was dark, but she loved the characters as much as everyone else, knew in her mind that when the story was eventually finished, the happy ending would be worth it.
...
So, on this beautiful Wednesday morning, Brittany logged on to the fan fiction site to look at the latest chapter she had posted. And there it was. She jumped silently up and down on her seat, the excitement coursing through her.
Forgetting that her girlfriend was in her bed, she worried that she might have woken her up with her jumping. Slowly looking over her shoulder, she smiled at the still dead to the world Santana. Later, Brittany would ensure that her world woke up happy.
Turning back to the computer, she moved the mouse arrow over the reviews button. She had received many very kind comments from people that had read her story, and her eyes watered at the touching words. She was by no means a brilliant writer, but the readers of her story were so very positive with their reviews, they inspired her to keep going.
Brittany noticed that there were new reviews, so clicked her mouse to read them.
Scrolling down the first few, Brittany smiled at the "Intriguing story", "Good start", "Can't wait for the next part!" comments.
Her smile froze when she reached the fourth comment.
"This story was crap. You can't write the characters. The villain character is probably you. You're a bitch."
Brittany felt like she had been punched in the stomach. The words from the reviewer were so hateful. The doubt that she had initially felt starting the story, now came flooding back to her. She wasn't, couldn't ever be a writer. How could she have been so stupid to even try?
Her vision now blurred with tears, Brittany deleted her story, all of the chapters going away into nothingness. Her confidence as a writer was crushed. Criticism was fine, but this was going beyond that, and Brittany really felt sorry for the reviewer, hoping that they took the time to examine what they had said. It was as bad as being bullied, which she had been in the past.
The computer was shut off, and Brittany sadly made her way back to the bed, settling herself next to the dark haired girl.
Santana woke when she felt movement next to her.
"Hey beautiful, you ok?" her voice thick with sleep.
Brittany discreetly wiped away her tears before giving Santana the softest kiss and settling in her arms.
"I love you."
Santana smiled at the blondes words.
"Hey, I love you too. So very, very much." The dark haired girl whispered.
And on that beautiful Wednesday morning, Brittany and Santana slept safely in each other's embrace.
Authors note: It was incredibly hard for me to even attempt this story after I received such a nasty comment about my other story, "Hate". It really shook my confidence, and so I felt I had to remove that story, which I'm going to have another go at.
I really, really appreciate comments AND criticism, but it went too far with the comment that I received for "Hate". I am by no means a good writer, I know that, but I just wanted to give it a try. There are so many wonderful stories out there, and I feel inspired reading them.
I adore the characters of Brittany and Santana, and I'm sorry if some people felt I was going too far down the dark and twisty path with them.
To the person who told me my story was crap, and that I'm a bitch, I hold no ill feelings towards you. I just hope you can find someone to help with your Hate.
Live In Joy, In Love,
Even Among Those Who Hate.
From the Dhammapada, Words of the Buddha