"Stark, what the hell is this?!" Fury barked into the phone.
"Oh, so you got my present?" the man on the other end said in delight.
"If this is a gift, I tremble to see your hate-mail."
The monstrosity in the crate was staring at him, wide, beady black eyes not leaving him.
"So you don't like her? You don't think she's adorable? Everyone else does." Tony laughed.
"Stark, adorable is not in my typical repertoire of words."
The thing circled in the wood-and-mesh box, nails scraping against the planks.
"Fair point. Anyway, I made her just for you! She's a prototype, so feedback is appreciated."
Fury looked doubtfully at the boxed beast. "Are you saying... it's not real?"
"Of course not! Bio-engineered!"
It was a ghastly shade of pink, with a patch of black on it's lower back and a white underbelly and face. It's maw hung open, exposing it's slobbery tongue and sharp ivory fangs.
"And that's humane?" Fury huffed. The thing perked it's ears up at him. He wanted nothing more than to nail the top of the crate back on and mail it to Hong Kong. Surely it was edible despite being bio-engineered.
"Eh. Not certain. The important thing is, she's hypoallergenic!"
Why was that so important?
"Yeah, I'm branching the company out a bit more— Butterfingers, put that down before you break it!— and thought it might be fun to mess around with that sort of thing. I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself." Tony continued, not waiting for Fury's response to the hypoallergenic thing.
As he listened to the inventor ramble about how fantastic he was, Fury risked another look at the monstrosity. It was sitting now, watching him intently. Those eyes were unnerving. Mailing the beast to Hong Kong was sounding better and better with each passing second.
"... But anyway, I hope I don't need to tell you how to care for her. I mean, even if you don't know, you have that whole mess of agents around, plus the internet, to tell you how." Tony hummed on his end of the line.
"Stark, I'm not keeping this creation of hell."
"Pity. I mean, I registered her to you and everything, and animal abuse is still a crime, no matter how minor. I get that SHIELD gets away with a lot, but..."
Fury growled in frustration.
"Oh, yeah! Her name is Bobo!"
"Bobo...?" he repeated in disbelief. The pink creature yapped, standing up and placing it's paws on the side of the crate as if intending to climb out. Fury resisted the urge to shove it back down.
"Yup! She's a hit with the ladies, too, so no need to thank me for helping your chances!"
Before Fury could say anything about that, Tony hung up.
There wasn't anything he could use to avoid it now.
The director of SHIELD walked cautiously over to the crate. Kneeling down, he reached cautiously towards the creature. It licked his hands eagerly, making him shudder, and allowed him to pick it up. Standing, he held it at arm's length. The thing tried to wag it's tail, but seeing how short it was, that essentially meant energetically wiggling it's rear.
Just what the hell was he supposed to do with a hypoallergenic dayglow pink corgi named Bobo?!