Steve was at lunch and he saw david silver and scott scanlon sitting on a table eating. They were nerds and he thought they were really geeky so he wanted to do something to make them humiliated and everyone would laugh. So steve said to the other football players on his table 'watch this I'm gonna do something hilarious to silver and that other guy who no one cares about' and the football team were like 'yeahh go steve mess them up'.
So steve got up and walked over to their table and david was like 'hey steve whats up' and steve was like 'this is whats up' and he stuck his butt in david's face and let rip with a crazy loud fart. The sound reverberated all around and everyone started to laugh. David silver looked disgusted and was like 'you're a jerk' and steve was like 'you want to see a jerk? Check this out' and he walked over to scott and lifted his leg to blast out another fart but he ended up blasting out something else and changing his life forever.
Yeah he just meant to blow off but instead he blew some shit out of his butt and you could tell because rather than a fart noise it was like a nasty squelchy noise and the smell was unbearable it was so bad that scott actually started to retch and then he threw up. David got up and was like 'oh my god steve you actually shit yourself that's gross man what the hell' and everybody in the cafeteria was gawking at steve. Nobody was laughing any more it was just looks of disbelief and revulsion.
Steve didn't know what to do so he ran out of the cafeteria and went home. He hoped that by the next day everyone would have forgotten about it but he was wrong, the whole school knew what had happened. When he walked into the school everyone was staring at him and either laughing or giving him a look like he was the most pathetic, low life slime ever to exist on the planet earth. Steve felt like his life was over.
He ended up ducking into the west Beverly blaze offices. He wouldn't normally go here because it was filled with nerds and geeks who were writing stupid things that nobody cared about but this was a sanctuary for him now. Only two people were inside, his friends Brandon walsh and andrea Zuckerman. They looked at each other when steve walked in like 'oh great, this guy' and steve was like 'hey guys come on don't look at me like that'.
Brandon said 'we were told you did a shit in your pants in front of everybody in the cafeteria is it true?' and steve was like 'I meant to fart but I followed through so what?' and andrea said 'well what do you want us to do about it steve? If you weren't a bully this wouldn't have happened and Brandon said 'shes right man'. Steve ignored this and said 'guys come on help me out. Can you write a story giving my point of view, something sympathetic?'
Andrea was like 'I don't know steve' and Brandon was like 'well andrea It is the most popular topic in school maybe we should write about it' and andrea was like 'I guess' and steve was like 'great let's do it' and so they conducted an interview with steve where he told his side and basically said he wanted to fart in their faces not do a shit and it was just a prank gone wrong. Andrea looked disgusted but Brandon did laugh once which andrea looked angry about.
Anyway steve pretty much hid in the bathroom toilets until the blaze came out but when it did he was shocked. The headline read 'steve sanders sharts: everybody hates him and his stupid haircut' and steve was like 'oh my god what the hell' so he went back to the blaze offices and said 'guys what is this' and andrea said 'sorry steve we have to report accurately' and Brandon was like 'yeah sorry man there was nothing we could do everybody just thinks you're the worst and scott is off school because you shit in his face' which steve rolled his eyes at and said 'I didn't mean to do that it was just an accident' and andrea said 'yeah we put that in there but our headline can't be "steve sanders accidentally shits himself and is really sorry" can it?' and steve said 'why not?' and andrea said 'you just don't get journalism'. Steve was like 'okay but why did you write about my hair as well' and andrea said 'because just look at it. Blond curly and mullet what the hell?' and Brandon was like 'sorry bro but she's got a point we thought this would be a good way to kill two birds with one stone you know?' and steve was like 'you guys suck'.
So steve left the school even though he hadn't actually been to any classes since he shit himself and went to see Dylan who wasn't in school because he was cool like that and apparently it was cool not to get an education. He knocked on dylan's door and Dylan was like 'hey man no offence but I don't want my house to smell of shit' and steve was like 'I washed my underwear you know' and Dylan was like 'yeah well it only takes one fart apparently and it's a risk I can't take' and steve was like 'how do you even know you don't go to school' and Dylan was like 'everyone in LA knows man word travels'.
Obviously this was a disaster for steve and he needed advice so he went to the walshes house. Jim and cindy were both there because jim was working from home that day. When jim saw steve he was like 'hey steve the toilet is upstairs' and then started laughing. Steve said 'ha ha very funny' and cindy slapped jim on the arm and said 'jim that's not nice' and she walked over to steve looking serious and touched his arm 'you know they sell adult diapers at the store' and steve was like 'I don't need them' and started to cry. Cindy hugged him and said 'that's not what we heard but okay'.
Steve was like 'I wish people would just let it go' and jim was like 'who are you elsa?' and steve was like 'whos elsa?' and jim was like 'oh right yeah that movie doesn't even exist yet never mind' and steve said 'fine but I need some advice on what to do' jim looked thoughtful and said 'well the best advice is the simplest, never trust a fart and if you're going to fart on purpose make sure you take a dump in advance'.
'that's it?' steve asked not very impressed and cindy was like 'it is good advice steve' and steve was like 'thanks for nothing' and left the house. He ended up at the peach pit and explained everything to nat and said 'what do I do?' and nat was like 'well to be honest steve if I was the principal I would already have expelled you I actually think I might have to ban you from the pit' and steve was like 'come on nat it's bad enough as it is' and nat was like 'yeah but having a guy in here who's known for dumping in his underwear is bad for business you know? Nobody knows when you're going to do it next' and steve said 'I only did it once how do I make amends?'
'well steve theres only one thing to do and that's own it' said nat 'stop moping around thinking about how you ruined your life by doing a shit in your pants and let people know you're in control. Do you get what I'm saying?' and steve replied 'yeah man I do, thanks nat' and suddenly everything was clear and he knew what he was going to do.
The next day at lunch steve walked into the cafeteria and he stood on a table right in the middle. He raised his hands to get everyones attention. 'look people I know I did something bad and its something that may never be forgiven but I'm owning it and I'm taking charge so watch this', taking a deep breath steve took off his jeans and then exposed his butt crouched down and took a dump all over the table. People started screaming and running as the rancid smell from his brown log filled the whole cafeteria and some people were even throwing up as they desperately tried to flee the area.
Steve smirked and folded his arms, watching. Maybe he'd get suspended or even expelled but he had owned his mistake and now everybody would know about it. His suffering was over and he was at peace.
The end