tsukiyama was listening to kaneki breathe thru his phone. he was trying to get off to that but something was amiss. he was being watched by soemthing. but what was it. he turned aroudn and frowned. there was nobody there ?!
tsukiyama was suspiciouis by this poiint so he hung up on kanekki an went to check on what was happening outside. "ce est moi tsukiyama" he said. he was learning french. tsukiyama could not speak english but he knew some french :)
"HELLO?!" he shouted. he knew that was an english word that the person would probably know. even though they were all in japan. whatever man.
"ELLO LAD... DON'T BE AFRAID, IT'S JUST ME. SHREK." said a mysterious voice,. somehow tsukiayama understood.
"who are you" he said.
"oh nobody :)" shek sid
tsukiyama was afriad of this green man. he didn't knwo what was hapepning or why he had a green, scottish intruder in his house. his voice was almost calming but his green tint was ALARMING. this man... no... this OGRE. had broken into his HOUSE. oly shit .
getting up form his crouhicng postition, tsukiyam went towards the ogre. the smell of onions eminated to tsukiyamas nostrils. the oniony scent was revolting but somewhat attractive. why was tsukiyama like this. why did he get turned on by the sweet onion. was it because of his longtime crush on sam, the onion man ?!
"LAD COME HERE TO SHREKY." shrek said in his BOOMING voice.
tsukiyama shuu got up and smiled. he turned the lights on and flinched at the sight of the towering ogr. he wasliek 50 feet tall compared to shuu who was like, 3 feet tall ( he waas 5 ft 11, 180 cm... nice )
in reality, tsukiyama had the Big Plan to DESTROY shrek when he wasn't paying attention but then he paused. should he kill the ogre or... eat the ogre. it was one thign to eat kaneki but to eat... AN ORGRE !? that was a rare thing. you dont see ogres anymore because SOMEBODY (lord farquaad) KICKEd them out of the city. can you believe it? tsukiyama only knew aobot this because when he was trying to hang out with kaneki, they had soem weird kidn of chat abotu shrek, and since tsukiyma ahad never seen shrek, kaneki and hide took him to the library or w/ev to watch it. the dubbed version of shrek wasn't that good from the get go so they watched the subbed shrek :)
he came to a decision: he would use shrek to get kaneki, then eat both of them. maybe he'd just frame shrek? idk. his plan wasn't solid.
"que voulez-vous de moi, tsukiyama shuu. Je parle le français parce que je suis un noob. seulement le public de langue française sera diverti par ce hasard français, mais ce est moi, tsukiyama shuu." he said to shrek. shrek looked at him like some sort of god because he spoke french. h oly shit.
"LAD YOU SPEAK FRENCH. THATS SO IMPRESSIVE I MIGHT CRY. I MIGHT CRY BIG SHREKY TEARS AND HAVE TO WIPE THEM AWAY WITH MY SHREK HANDS. MY YAOI HANDS... WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT" shrek yelled. in reality, he was just talking normally but he was excited and tsukiyama's small ears picked up noises more sensitively. wtf.
shrek surprised tsukiyam by pickign him up ! he grabed his waist and removed his shirt. tsukiyaa cold not have been MORE turned on. except for like, if kaneki was here,. breathing on bhim. T_T
"shrék!" tsukima said. he was hyper. shreks wartm hands rubbed over his ribs and soft chest. shrek, cradling tsukiyama in his arms, carried him over to a random room.
"I KNOW IM NOT KANEKI BUT HOPEFULY IM NOT A BAD SUBSTITUTE ;)" shrek said . tsukiyama blushed. but still, this part was a big part of his plan.