"It's not that I'm afraid….."
Lies. Everything that I've built up in this life comes down to lies. In a way, the fibs I've told, and the blatant deceptions I've received have all been pieces in the most elaborate game board ever conceived. If there is any way to measure the sanity that remains after a soul is subjected to such a life, I would imagine it would first have to be wrapped and bound in a straightjacket. Still, it's what you wish for that haunts you the most. I wanted this, I wanted him, and…..he'll stay with me until the end.
I feel my muscles stiffen as he walks in the room. It's a reaction that never seems to cease, regardless of the amount of times a day he enters. He smiles, almost as if he's hiding it, as if he's the most powerful person in the world.
His face makes me think that maybe, even if I sit atop the throne in the end, he will be king.
I sit up, my body screaming in complaint. Even my existence is a lie. The Queen's dog, the bitch of the world, and, if it comes down to it, I can't figure out what they mean when they say "Rabbit ear the laces of your shoes." He seems to know this as he approaches, and I frown at him. The way my lips curve, almost instinctively, is comforting. It seems my face fits disapproval, and maybe the point of my life is to scowl.
It's a strange thought.
Almost enough so…to be true.
But…no…I know my purpose in life. It's trickery, really. I lost the game that the universe posed me, but it is my only loss so far. I want everything, and I will get everything. Still, my fate is decided. My purpose in life is set before me.
He sets a tray down onto the bed….it shines, like a million stars, and like a mirror, reflects my face. I frown down into myself, or up at myself, or both. He bows, with even more glorious perfection than the tray itself, and my destiny is hidden within his eyes.
Although he serves me,
My purpose in life will be to please him.
My body is still tense as he leaves.
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It's not a normal night.
Sleep is eluding me, yet I lay in bed, begging it to save me. To take me away from here, any place away from reality. I want to go to a place where I can smile, and be free. Yet, I'm not tired. I can feel his eyes piercing through my back like a rapier. Usually his presence calms me, yet tonight, there's a feeling palpable in the air that sets me on edge. He wants something, possibly. It just….feels that way.
"Bo-chan?" The words are soft, yet in the cold night, they ricochet in the room, in their own context. He takes a step forward, softly, yet if he hadn't meant for me to hear it, it would be silent. I can feel the bed shift as he sits on it, although this is inaudible.
"Yes, Sebastian?" I try to make my demeanor demanding, as if I could go to sleep at any moment, but he's disturbing me. Still, my loneliness and desperation for slumber makes me shaky, and to his ears, weak. I can almost feel his smirk, even if I cannot see it.
"It is impossible to sleep if you are not fatigued, Bo-chan." His comment is sarcastic, yet he delivers it with uncanny precision, acting as if he's informing me of something I'm not aware of. In a second, he is beside me, one leg on the bed, leaning over me, touching my face with the back of his hand, softly. It's almost comforting, but I feel myself begin to feel flushed. Still, his act goes on. "I could sing to you…"
"N-No." This time, it is an order, but in confusion I managed to stutter. I can feel him move over me, his hand, previously on my face, begin to trail off, tracing the ridge of my body under the blanket.
"Oh?" He manages to feign surprise, lifting his hand as it finds my lower thigh. He leans over me, turning me to face him, his crimson eyes like lights in the dark.
"I couldn't imagine anything else I could do."
Everything at this moment is quite shocking. I know he can see me, yet, even in my dreams, I never thought he would act on those impulses. He lifts me up, undressing me, even with all the effort he put into preparing me for bed an hour before. For some reason, I oblige. I…always knew this would happen. This is my purpose. I support myself on my hands, staring down at the pillow, biting my lip in anticipation. With a casual flick, he releases my eye patch from my face, and it falls in front of me. It's then I can hear him lick his fingers, in preparation.
My body is tense before he enters….
But I'm not afraid.