"It's not enough anymore," the whispered words declared themselves loudly between the girls. Though paranoia usually conquered Effy in times like these she couldn't blame her underlying mental conditions for her current array of emotions. Katie's auburn hair shined a deep red as the sun reflected through the window, her cautious glare began to penetrate all of the carefully constructed walls around Effy's heart.
"Exactly what isn't enough Effy?" her tone was laced with anger, while her dark brown eyes glared up in pain, "for four months it's been enough, and all of a sudden I'm unsatisfying?"
"I never said that!" she raised her voice before thinking to stop herself, she had hoped that this whole debacle could have been sorted without her falling apart yet again, but slowly the familiar tug of anxiety began building in her stomach. She could feel bile rising in her esophagus threatening to reveal that she had only consumed alcohol the previous day, "Neither one of us has the slightest idea of what we're doing," she glanced to the floor finding it impossible to ignore the horrific carpet that Katie had picked out for her as a flat-warming gift, the orange tiger-striped fur intensified her nausea while she spoke, " 'cept for when we're pissed."
"Yeah that's how I like it," Katie replied harshly, she wrung her thin hands together showing the only crack in her facade of being in control, "I thought that's how you liked it too?" she questioned, inching herself closer to Effy trying to hold her eyes.
"I do," Effy replied quickly, meeting Katie's stare for a second before she closed them, "or rather, I did." She placed her cool hand atop Katie's noticing the immediate stiffen.
"What are you saying Eff?" she laughed casually, "You fancy me? Want me to be your girlfriend?" she shoved her weakly, Effy had enough experience with Katie Fitch over the past five years to know that her sarcastic ridicule was a defense mechanism. Effy loathed playing into her games but enjoyed the exchange and connection they shared over their natural superiority.
"Egocentric cow you are," Effy smiled delicately noticing how at ease Katie's malicious sarcasm put her. "I do though..." she purposely allowed her sentence to be left incomplete, half out of fear that it could be their last proper conversation and the other half wanting Katie to reassure her that her feelings were valid and reciprocated. She cringed at herself, since when did she give a fuck if her feelings were valid? Who would have guessed that the bullet-proof Elizabeth Stonem had gotten emotionally ambushed by the bitchy and straight Katie Fitch? Not that by declaring Katie as heterosexual is meant to suggest I am gay, Effy reassured herself silently. She had always hated that people felt the need to constantly define each other, Effy never cared about the body parts involved as long as they did their job.
"Really?" Katie rolled her brown eyes dramatically, "You want to be a proper couple now?" she was silent as she stared into her lap searching for words to say. Instantly fear enveloped Effy's skeleton, she knew if Katie found it difficult to reply that something was amiss. Katie raised a perfectly arched brow before looking back to Effy, "Panda jetted to the States with Thomas for Harvard, we finally buried Freddie, your loon of a doctor turns up dead, Cook's going back to jail and there's my whole menopause thing," she paused her dark eyes vulnerable and on the verge of tears. "There are too many variables to see this clearly."
Instantly Effy switched to auto-pilot, a mechanism her body used to protect her heart. She recovered her hand from Katie's, looking past her to a spot on the wall. Katie had always been selfish and Effy accepted that from the beginning but now she was denying her and that was altogether unacceptable.
"I have been looking at this clearly, your the one whose vision is blurred!" she shouted uncharacteristically, "I get the hesitation if it's because of your Mom going mental or because of all the shit you gave Emily about Naomi, but all those other excuses are shit." Effy felt her blood heating up she dared a glance at Katie whose brown eyes were watering profusely, she had to turn her head to keep from kissing the tears off her high cheek bones. "It's just not enough any more Katie."