"Are you…Completely sure this is want you want?"
It's so fucking cold, and the snow that squirms up into my clenched fingers is just part of it. His gaze is the majority. His golden eyes are fixated on me, narrowed as if he truly cares what I want, filled suspicion as if he's trying to weigh the risks against his own personal benefit. The blood between my thighs is the only thing keeping me warm, but even that can't begin to thaw a frozen heart. The lights of the city play across his face, as if they may somehow guide us safely, as they normally do with the vehicles of drunks out at this time of night. Still, as I look to my left, as I attempt to make out the graffiti that plagues the walls of my school, where I have been endlessly tortured throughout my life, and as I glance to my right, where my clothes lay, where in my pants my cell phone rests, silent, as no one in my life cares to check on me, I know my answer. I look up, and in front of me stands the only answer. The only warmth I can possibly find in this life.
"Yes". It comes out weak, but he doesn't push my further. Instead he turns, and hits the button on his car keys to unlock the door. I stand, and my frozen legs shake under me. I leave my clothes, and head to the car. As I climb in the passenger seat, I am completely sure this is what I want.
What an insane notion.
Above us, the streetlights attempt to illuminate the shadows of my world. Each time we go underneath one the inside of the car around me lights up, along with the burning sensation in the back of my mind that something isn't right. The leather beneath my bare body is causing me to sweat, and it's sticking to places that aren't used to the roughness. I fidget in the back seat, and brush into the box beside me. It's normal enough, maybe from a supermarket. On the side of it is a printed spider, smiling, with a web full of fruit on all sides of him. Behind him the sun rises. For some strange reason I find myself compelled to stare at the arachnid's smile, and somehow, it seems as if everything will be alright. It seems as if all those promises and secret meeting afterschool truly will add up to something. It seems as if the light is the liar, and the darkness will save me…
…..The apartment building is…surprisingly clean. Claude gives me a brand new pair of denim, along with a new shirt, both bought specially for me. In the kitchen, I sit at a table and he makes me curry ramen noodles and tea, and then sits across from me, watching me eat it.
It's at this point, I'm convinced everything up until now is true.
He loves me.
My euphoria causes a hyper wave of energy to wash over me. My tea…is lacking sugar. It's missing the sweetness I'm accustomed to. Quickly, I jump to my feet, rushing up to the granite countertop and grabbing at the small crystal jar of white specs. Still, when I open it, it appears to be. A type of powder? Flour?
Suddenly, I feel a tug on my arm, and Claude is there, panic consumes me, and the jar drops to the ground. It spills all over the tile floor, creating a tiny white mountain in the luminescent light.
"What is that?" I haven't seen anything like it before in my life, not up close.
"It's sunshine." The answer comes out clean of emotion, and even while saying it, he begins to lead me into another room. As the door opens, creaking on the hinges, I realize it's a bedroom. Inside the darkness, a wraith makes a movement.
I really don't want to go inside.
The floor. It's real, unlike the lies he told. I thought my life would be better with him, but all I get is the click of a door lock. The carpet is rough against my face, and smells of smoke, sex….and…rot?
A light flickers on. On the bed is another boy. His hair is dark, and his blue eyes scream at me, beg me. His pale body is naked, bruised and torn by a sunshine-induced rage. He tricked us both. A smiling spider caught us both in his web.
This is not what I want.