Hoping for Forgiveness

This is in Jane's point of view. I am picking it up from Season 5: Episode 3. I do not own Drop Dead Diva. I just love Jane and Owen's relationship. If you have not watched Episode 3 of Season 5, yet – there are many spoilers

I lay awake in bed all night trying to go back to sleep. I keep thinking about Owen and him now being my boss. What is going to happen now between us? There could be nothing, I guess. He could be moving on, while I'm just standing still. Or maybe he is doing this to get closer to me. He may be even keeping close watch on Grayson and me.

I turn over to face the side where he once always slept. I remember watching him sleep at night. Watching as he took calm breaths. He smiled in his sleep. That smile he only gave me. The one that showed me he was completely in love with me and only me.

Tears run down my face. What I did was uncalled for. If I could take it back, I would. I would have never let Grayson get that close to me. I would have never sent everyone off before I was ready to become Mrs. Owen French. If I got stuck, Stacy or Teri could have helped me out.

But things happen for a reason. I'm not quite sure if I believe in that or not, but I am starting to believe. I'm starting to believe that the universe is against me. First, I die and am forced to leave Grayson behind. But of course, I can't. It's a small world when the one you are supposed to be moving on from becomes your every day.

Second, Tony gets a job and has to move to Washington D.C.. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. Deep down inside I wish that things would have went a little differently. We may not be together now, but I do believe we had one heck of a friendship.

And third, there's Owen. The love of my life. The one that I chose to marry. The one that I am causing so much pain to. The one that I would give up everything to be with, right this second. I just wish that he would see me. That he would hear me out. I have never stopped loving him, and I never will.

I sit up in bed. I feel like I am missing something. Something deep down inside of me is gone. It walked out when Owen walked out of my life. But now he will see me every day. And I will have to pretend like I don't see the hurt in his eyes, or feel the pain in his heart.

When I said that I felt his heart break, I did. I still do. Kissing Grayson was a selfish thing to do. I know this. Owen will remind me of that every day. But I just wish that he could see how much pain I am in also. How much I want to marry him. How much of a mistake this was.

Maybe in all honesty, I wasn't ready. I should have cut off things with Grayson a long time ago. I saw the feelings he had in his eyes. The heart break he went through after seeing me with Owen so many times. That night Owen proposed, I saw Grayson's heart break.

But I lead them both on. How can I live with myself for doing that?

I look out the window and daylight is shining through. It's time to get ready for work today. I'm a little excited about seeing Owen, but at the same time I am scared out of my mind. What if he keeps throwing me cases like this past one. I know why he did it, too. He did it so that I could feel the pain that he is going through. I wish I was a partner, then I'd throw him a case to show him what I am going through.

My alarm goes off and I jump. The noise is deafening. It is incredibly annoying. I quickly turn it off. It is time for a hot shower and a very nice breakfast with my best friend, Stacy.

After my shower and getting dressed, I walk out into the living room. No one is there. That is unusual. Stacy is always up by the time the sun rises. I inch her bedroom door open expecting to see her in bed still, but the bed is made and no one is in there.

Weird.

I walk toward the fridge. Paul isn't even here. So much for having a guardian angel. I'm having to take care of him now. And then it hits me. What if Stacy is out somewhere with Paul. I saw the look on her face yesterday when he walked out of the bathroom with nothing on.

I settle down, there is nothing going on with Stacy and Paul. Stacy may not know it, but she is still very much in love with Fred. And Fred will always be the one she is meant to be with. Just like with Owen and I.

Except, I can still remember Owen.

I look at my watch and sigh. I guess today I will be on time getting to work. I have nothing better to do. Maybe I'm just a little to excited to see Owen. My heart starts to race and my palms start to sweat. Wasn't this the sign of anger that I had for my ex-husband?

Yes, but it is also the sign of love. And I do love Owen.

I pull out my cell phone and check my text messages. My heart skips a beat when I see one from Owen. I take a deep breath before opening it.

I need to see you for lunch. Meet me at the office and we will go there together.

I squeal. Maybe he wants to talk about what happened. Or maybe it's a case. It is probably a case. But either way, I'm going to lunch with Owen French!

I drive as fast as I can to the office. This Porsche is more fun to drive when I'm on a mission. And this mission is to make it to work so I can have lunch with the love of my life.

I ride the elevator to the twelfth floor. My heart raising as I burst through the doors.

"Boss." Terri is there with a cup of coffee as usual. Her face has a worried expression on it.

"What's wrong, Terri?" I ask her, surprised that she isn't being her normal sarcastic self.

Her eyes go straight to my office. I follow her eyes and see a tall man standing beside my desk. I smile. It's Owen, he is already waiting for me in my office!

"Jane!" Terri calls after me. "Wait! It's not who you..."

But before she can warn me, I stumble into my office and find a man who I once knew. A man who had my heart at one time. I stand there in silence. It's been a long time since I have seen Tony Nicastro. I turn around and walk back out of my office.

"Terri," I say in a calm voice. "what is Tony doing here?"

Terri looks into Kim's office and a heat of rage flows through me. What the hell does Kim have to do with this?

"I don't know, Jane." She spoke fast. "He isn't in your plans at all for today. He was here when I arrived this morning." She begins to whisper. "He was in Owen's office."

"How does Owen know him?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"I don't know." She responded. "I have been doing research all morning long. There is nothing that tells me that they know each other."

"Well there is only one way to find out." I tell her.

I walk back into my office with my head held high. My mind is spinning with the thought of Tony being back. I was just thinking about him. I guess the saying "If you are thinking of them, they are thinking of you" is true.

"Jane." Tony smiles. His blue eyes make me want to melt, but I stay strong.

"What brings you back to L.A.?" I ask him, smiling back at him. "The last I heard from Grayson, you were enjoying the D.C. life."

Just then Owen walks in. "He's the newest Judge." Owen smiles. "He took my place."

I stare at the both of them for a long moment and then look away. Two guys that I hurt. Two hearts that I broke. And now they are becoming good friends.

"So is there a 'Broken hearts by Jane' club I should know about?" I ask and giggle a little bit. Both men stand there silent. "It was a joke."

Tony coughs. "Right." He smiles at me and then at Owen. "She broke your heart, too?"

Damn, they didn't know about each other. If I could kick myself, I would.

"The last I heard, you were getting married to Owen." Tony goes on. "Judging by the tension in this office that didn't happen."

I see Grayson walking down the hall. As soon as he spots me, he smiles. He looks at Tony and then to Owen and walks back into his office.

"Maybe we should send an invite to Grayson to join us." Owen says, crabby. "He can be the one that won the heart of Jane."

"You could have been, as well." I tell him, trying to keep back the tears.

Owen turns around and walks out the door. I don't know where he is going, but I wish I could follow him. I wish I could make him talk to me. Make him love me again. I turn around and wipe away the tears in my eyes. I take a few deep breaths and turn back around.

"You want to have drinks tonight?" Tony asks, hopeful. "Just for old times."

I look at him. "Okay. Drinks tonight."

Tony claps his hands together once. "I'll pick you up around seven tonight."

"Okay." I tell him. "I'll be ready."

He walks out of my office.

Terri waits a few seconds before she bursts through the doors scaring the crap out of me. She is holding a blue file folder in her hand, and my coffee in her other. I must have forgotten it over all of the excitement.

"How did it go?" Terri asks.

I wave her off. I know she is just trying to be a good friend who is here for me. But right now I just want to keep my mind off of Owen.

"So what kind of case has Owen decided to throw my way this time?" I ask. "Let me guess, a husband gets left at the alter and finds his fiance kissing her best friend."

"You were kissing Stacy?" Terri replies. "Wait..." Terri looks out my office window and into Grayson's office. "You kissed Grayson!"

I sit there, stunned. My mind racing. I had blurted out the secret about what I have done. About why Owen and I never got married.

"So that's why Grayson was freaking out because Owen was partner." Terri says, looking out my window and into Grayson's office.

"Would you guys stop looking into Grayson office?" I say as I go over to the window and shut the blinds. "And Grayson has nothing to do with Owen and I."

Terri raises her eyebrow, but she doesn't say another word. She hands me the blue folder and walks out of my office.

I sit down at my desk and open the folder. It has nothing in it. Not even a blank sheet of white paper. I begin to call for Terri when I hear a knock on the door. I look up to see Owen standing there in his gray tux. My heart pounds as I stare into his eyes. His eyes seem to be telling me how broken he truly is.

"It's lunch time." Owen tells me. "I invited Tony and Terri as well."

He smiles at me and quickly looks away. There goes everything. I have to share a lunch with three other people. One once held my heart in his hands, the second one still does, and the third one just now found out the reason as to why Owen and I never got married. This is going to be quite an event.

I walk out of my office as Terri is getting up from her desk. She has her purse in her hand and a smile on her face. I don't know if she sees me any differently now. I want to know if she does or not. I want to explain things to her, but I can't. I can't right now. Maybe in the future, but the first person who needs to hear those words is Owen.

Terri looks down at my feet and then back up at me. "Are those comfy?" She asks.

I look down at what she is smiling at. I still have on my pink bunny slippers I wear in the morning. All of that went on and I never noticed that I wasn't wearing heels?

"Seriously?" I ask myself and walk back into my office. I walk straight to my cabinet and pull out a pair of black pumps. These will do. As I am putting them on something white catches my eye. A piece of paper is laying on the floor under the coffee table.

I grab it and quickly put it in my purse. I don't know what it is, but whatever is in my office belongs to me now. I will read it later.

I walk out of my office once again and catch up with Terri.

"How nice of you to join us, Miss Bingum." Owen says, putting an emphases on Miss.

I shoot him a smile that says "two can play at this game, too.".

"So you found the ring, right?" I ask as we stepped into the elevator. I pressed the "1" for the first floor. "I left it on your desk last night."

Owen looks at me and winces a little bit. I wish I wouldn't have said that. That was childish. Terri stands over to the back of the elevator watching us. It is magnificent that I can still feel the air in us ignite into a spark of pure attraction. My heart feels like it is about to beat out of my chest.

"Yes." He whispers. "I found the right.".

The elevator doors swing open. I'm the last one to exit. I couldn't be sure, but I swear I saw tears in his eyes.