Warning: Crack and characters, especially Emma, behaving OOC. I've warned you. This fic is the result of insomnia.

This chapter is betaed by the lovely N.a. Brun.

Neal walked toward the pier to clear his mind. He wanted to spend more time with Tamara, but she had said she was busy. It was a bit strange as there were not many activities in Storybrooke and she didn't know anybody besides him and Emma. Lost in thought, he was surprised to see a familiar yellow bug parked next the pier.

He thought, "What's she doing here?"

He didn't see anyone inside the car, When he walked toward it he saw Henry's book lay opened in between the driver and the front passenger seat.
How did it get there? He was sure it was with him this morning. Mulling at this thought, he didn't realize there was blue smoke coming toward him over the car, until it was too late, the smoke engulfed him. His last conscious thought was "I know this spell, it's a sleeping spell." Then everything went dark.

"Papa, you coward, don't let go!" he screamed before he woke up with a start. He hadn't had this dream for a while. He realized he was sitting down and when he tried to rub his eyes he realized both his hands were cuffed separately to the arms of a chair.

"What the hell?" He raised his head and see a blonde sitting across him reading the very book he saw in the car. He asked, "Emma? What happened? Are you hurt?"

Emma was surprised with his concern. She put the book down and replied slowly, "I'm OK, thanks for asking."

"In that case, may I ask why I'm here cuffed to a chair? You know I'm not Hook so I'm not into kinky handcuffs." Emma scoffed at his statement.

Looking around the room, he realized he was inside one of his father's guest bedrooms. He panicked. "Emma, why am I at my father's house? You've got to let me go!"

"Calm down, Neal. I just want to talk to you about some important stuff without any prying ears."

"Is your cell phone not working? What happened to the good courtesy of calling someone to meet up at Granny's instead of kidnapping them? Did my father put you up to this? Emma, you don't owe him anything."

Emma was suitably embarrassed with his last statement. She said, "I actually kind of do. I made a deal with him."

"What? Are you insane?" he yelled. It didn't matter if his father heard, he was sure his father was behind this.

"Please calm down, Neal!"

"I'll calm down if you un-cuff me."

"Then what, you'll run at the first opportunity back to Tamara."

Neal couldn't help smirking. "Oh, I see what this is all about."

Emma was annoyed at his implication. She said, "Actually, no you don't. Tamara had bewitched you. Even your father could detect it."

"Emma, Tamara is not from the Enchanted Forest. She didn't know any magic. Could you please stop talking nonsense and free me? I promise I won't run."

"No, Neal, the enchantment is too strong so you've got to be tied. I don't know what you're going to do if you're free as you aren't entirely yourself."

"Emma, I think being in Storybrooke and around Regina and my father too long has made you paranoid. What do you mean I'm not myself?"

"I swear to you Neal, if you keep interrupting me, I'll gag you. I'm sure breaking the spell works equally well even if you're gagged."

Neal then realized there were more than twenty bottles of liquid of different colors on the table. There was even a dreamcatcher which looked really familiar. "Well, of course," he thought, "It was his own dream-catcher." Were there his scarves at the corner of the bed? There was even a fairy's wand on the table. Now, he was seriously creeped out. He hated magic. "Can I ask questions? I won't interrupt you this time."

"Sure," she answered with a smile.

"What made you think I was bewitched? What is your deal with my father?"

"OK, I'll give you the brief version. You know, Granny and Ruby had wolf hearing. They heard more than once that Greg and Tamara knew each other quite well biblically."

Neal paled, and coughed to hide his suprise. She patted his shoulder sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that but it's the truth." He nodded and mumbled thanks.

"Well, my first instinct is to tell you directly. However, I got suspicious because of Greg's circumstance coming to Storybrooke. He's been traveling all over Storybrooke. Surely there's not that much to see here so why did he stay? That's when I decided to bug his room, their cars, and your room."

Neal pinked and asked, "My room? How long have you been doing that? Don't you know about privacy?"

"A week. Well, if you're not happy, you can always report this to the police. Oh wait! I'm the police," Emma replied triumphantly.

"Besides, there was nothing I heard that I haven't heard eleven years ago." She replied tonelessly to him. Neal tries to sink deeper into his chair but his arms prevented him doing so. He knew karma would bite him in the ass but he didn't expect it to be in this form. At least it was only a bug, not a video. He didn't dare to ask if the bug was a video. Something was better left unknown.

"Anyway, from the little information I gathered, as they didn't do much talking in Greg's room..."

Neal winced. "Could you please go to the conspiracy part and skip the rest?"

"For what I gathered is they wanted to steal magic from this place. I'm not sure how they're going to do that. Tamara also assured Greg that he didn't need to worry about you as she had you under control. At first, I thought she meant it metaphorically. But to be safe, I double checked with your dad. It seemed that she literally put you under a spell."

Neal gasped. He shook his head and said, "OK, this conspiracy theory is getting ridiculous. Tamara is just a normal human being without magic. Tamara loves me and I trust her. She won't cheat on me," Neal noticed that Emma winced at his statements. He continued, "Of course my father would say anything to separate me from Tamara, somehow he thinks she isn't good enough for me. How could you trust him?"

"I have the recording evidence if you want some proofs," she replied defiantly.

"No, he must be making up the proofs as well. I know the Dark One will still try to ruin my life." He was surprised by his own outburst. Where did that come from?

"Neal, listen to yourself. You don't listen to evidence and reason. You know that I'm the most skeptical person in the world regarding magic, just ask August or Jefferson, but I still trust the evidence that somehow she controls your mind. I don't know how, but your father detected the trace of magic."

"How the hell did he trace that?"

"From your scarves."

He gulped. "Did you steal my scarves for evidence?"

"Well, technically not me, but Henry," she answered timidly.

"Why did you involve Henry in this? Didn't you say it could be dangerous?"

"He knew I was suspicious of Tamara and wanted to help. He doesn't know the details of the operation. I think it's pretty safe because his job was just to retrieve all your scarves without you noticing as he comes to your place so often. Besides, he said he wanted to help with operation SwanFire."

"Operation SwanFire?" asked Neal incredulously.

"Of course, you don't know about Henry and his operations. He had been pestering me with Operation Cobra last year. Swan and Fire are our last names as he assumes Fire is your last name."

"I guess it's more catchy than Swan-Cassidy, Nealemma, Emmaneal, Nemma, Emmael, or Baelemma." He replied and noticed that Emma made a show of taking a piece of cloth and mimed a gesture of gagging so he stopped. After a deep breath, he asked, "Back to the real question, why did you ask our kid to steal? I thought you were the strict parent while I was the fun one."

"Hell, no. Why did I get to be the strict one? Besides, it's not stealing if the object is returned. Just think of it as your kid borrowing your scarves and your dreamcatcher. Don't forget who his parents and grandparents are - Snow White the bandit and your father. He also has the knack of thievery; breaking into your apartment is proof enough. I'm just channeling his talent to a more appropriate use."

Neal was stunned. After a pause, he said, "I'm not sure what to think anymore. My ex-girlfriend and my father kidnapped me. My kid stole from me. You claimed my fiancée cheated on me. I'm glad Hook was not my stepfather because, given the trend, I'm sure he would find a way to screw me over as well. I'm not sure where Lacey stands in this. How about your parents?"

"Surprisingly, my parents are innocent this time."

Neal was glad of that. Somehow he thought Snow and Charming were much scarier than Emma. He could at least tease Emma. "Should you continue your story then?"

"OK, we found traces of mind control spell in your scarves. Your father was worried. He proposed a deal. He said he would help me break the spell if I would get you to talk to him uninterrupted."

"So you resorted to kidnapping!? You know that I still talk to my father."

"Apparently only to exchange pleasantries and you usually bolt afterward."

"Could you just set up a long appointment for us like what normal people do?"

"Well, I sort of did that."

"Without the handcuffs and the sleeping spell."

"The handcuffs are for breaking the spell in case you react violently, not for meeting your father."

Neal gave up arguing as he knew how stubborn Emma was. "OK, I guess we could get on with the so-called spell breaking. Why the sleeping spell?"

"Would your rather have had chloroform or a hit in the head? Your father said that was the most humane way to get you to cooperate."

"Don't you mean to knock me unconscious? I can't believe that my dad conspired with my lo...". He stopped himself before saying lover. What's wrong with him? He was engaged to Tamara. He hoped Emma didn't catch that but it seemed she did as she gave a genuine smile.

He corrected, "I can't believe you conspire with him. People would think you're his family rather than me. Why do you care if I'm under a spell anyway?" He added the last bit with his infamous smirk.

Emma blushed but quickly recovered. "You're Henry's father. I don't want her, hey, don't look at me like that, it's true, to control you to harm Henry. That's all!"

"Are you sure? Is that not for other purposes?" He raised one of his eyebrows.

Emma was annoyed. Did he learn that from Hook? OK, Emma, focus. She replied, "Well, I also do it for your father, he's after all Henry's grandfather. That's all. Shall we get on with this?"

"I guess so as there's no way of escaping, unless you have a paper clip."

"No, no paper clip this time! OK, let's do business!"

TBC

Note:

-I did warn you it was crack, right? I just want Emma to have her revenge on Neal but in her own way so this is how she does that. She does want to break the spell which indeed happened in this fic, she didn't make it up. That's why she is OOC here.

-Next chapter will be the numerous spell breaking attempts which I hope will be humorous. Any suggestion on the method?