Robbie the dinosaur walked into his volcano household. His father Earl, the Mighty Megalosaurus, was sitting at the table.
"Hi son!" roared Earl, "how was your day?"
"YOU DON'T KNOW MY DAY!" Robbie screamed, tears in his eyes. Everyone was laughing. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Robbie's sister Charlene came into the room, her breasts tightly compressed in a top that said "Ice Me Baby" (AN: the female dinosaurs have boobs in this story). Everyone was laughing.
"Brother? Can you tell us what's wrong?" said Charlene. Everyone was laughing.
"THERE ARE MEN TRYING TO VIOLATE ME," Robbie said. Everyone was laughing.
"Knew it," said Earl. Everyone was laughing. "Ever since the big freeze blew over and our show ended, horny boys and girls who aren't actually girls started popping up everywhere. I mean, it's okay to be gay, but forcing people to be gay, that's no good!"
Everyone was laughing. Earl the fat dino got up and continued.
"And I know it's okay to be trans, ONLY If deep down you feel you're the wrong sex. If you are doing it to gain attention… if you are doing it to peep on the opposite gender in their bathrooms… if you are doing it because your gay and want to sneakily turn other guys gay… THAT'S NO GOOD!"
Everyone was laughing. Earl reached behind him and pulled out a large hunting rifle. Everyone was laughing.
"With that public service announcement out of the way," Earl continued, "if any degenerate wants to violate my son, daughter, or my hot wife, they will have to get through me first!" Everyone was laughing. Then the pink baby dinosaur in a high chair (named "Baby") spoke up.
"What about me, not the mama?" Baby said. Everyone was laughing.
"NOT THE BABY! No one wants to violate the baby!" Earl replied. Everyone was laughing.
"Thanks dad," Robbie said, "I'm glad to live under the roof of a protective parent like you." Everyone was laughing. Robbie went upstairs, probably to jerk his beef jerky or something, and Charlene also walked out.
"Well," said Earl, "that went smoothly."
Everyone was laughing.
Earl turned his head.
"What is this, a Dan Schneider show? I hate that foot-lover's guts."
Everyone was silent.
Earl aimed his rifle and started shooting rounds.
Everyone was screaming.
(Meanwhile)
Robbie entered his room and went to his desk. He opened his laptop, turned it on, opened his internet browser, and was about to do a search when the computer suddenly BSODed.
"What the hell?" Robbie said. He read the error message out loud.
"ERROR: Exception at 0x08675309… Driver overload, exceeded limit… I don't get it."
Suddenly a mysterious man crawled out of the laptop's screen! Robbie shrieked as he backpedaled to his navy-covered bed. The mysterious man was blue and half-man, half-machine. He had a red hairdo and a green emblem on his chest. It was… Megabyte!
"Greetings fellow reptilian," Megabyte said.
"What do you want?" asked Robbie, "You're the idiot who got our show cancelled!"
"Oh, I and a few interdimensional conquers come here often to steal the tables from your local tavern." said Megabyte.
Soon a portal opened in Robbie's room. a man stepped out of the portal. He was muscular and wore little. He had on a skull mask and big cape. It was… Shao Kahn!
Another man then stepped out of the portal. He sort of looked like Darth Vader except he wasn't Darth Vader. He had a long head with his left eye exposed. He was carrying a staff with a hornet engraved into it. It was… Gorm!
The three men headed over to Robbie's door as the portal closed.
"We apologize for the intrusion," Gorm said while looking at Robbie. Shao Kahn opened the door and all three left the room.
"Well that was weird." said Robbie.
(Meanwhile)
Fran was in the kitchen cooking for the family. Tonight was a special dish: Fried squirrel with barley and basil! Earl, who was near the lovely dinosaur lady, sniffed the air.
"MMMMMMMM! That smells delicious!" Earl said.
"The air in the kitchen is always richer when the oven's running," said Fran.
As Earl enjoyed the aroma of preparing fine dining, he caught sight of Megabyte, Gorm, and Shao Kahn coming down the steps.
"Excuse me for a moment." Earl told Fran.
"Ok." Fran said.
Earl walked to the base of the house's staircase and looked at the three men.
"WHAT, ARE YA DOIN, IN MY HOUSE?" Earl yelled.
"Oh, we were just leaving." said Shao Kahn.
"Good. GET OUT." said Earl. The Mighty Megalosaurus ushered the otherworldly invaders through the front door and shut it.
"I don't need Megabiter and his mayhem men in any occasion…" Earl muttered to himself.
"Hey Earl," Fran said from the kitchen, "Dinner's almost ready. Can you please get the kids?"
"Sure thing, honey." Earl went up the stairs and knocked on Charlene's door.
"What is it, dad?" Charlene roared. Earl began to open the door.
"Hey sweetie, Just wanted to let you know that it's… GAH!" Earl's eyes widened with shock as he realized what he was seeing. Charlene was in her bed, which was normal. But there was a blue spiky dino guy also in the bed. He was named Spike. Both he and Charlene were wearing... not much.
"Spike…" said Earl in a bitter tone, "WHAT, ARE YA DOIN, IN MY HOUSE? (part 2.)"
"Oh hi Mr. S!" Spike said, "Me and Charlene were having an amazin' time. I'm sure she'll soon be a great parent like your spouse."
"Hold on." Earl took a moment to process what Spike was implying.
"WHAT?!" Earl yelled loudly, "YOU IMPREGNATED MY DAUGHTER?"
"Uh oh," Spike said.
Earl ran to the bed. He grabbed and picked up Spike, who was clad only in his boxers (AN: The dinosaurs also wear pants in this story). Earl carried the spiky scavenger to the window and tossed him outside. Earl looked down and saw Spike slowly getting up. Spike then took off running.
"Nuts. I thought that fall would kill him." lamented Earl. He then turned to his daughter.
"Charlene," Earl said, "You are to never see Spike, ever, EVER again."
"But I love him!" protested the dinosaur girl, "Just because he's a freeloader doesn't mean I can't marry him!"
"No butts or asses!" Earl said, "Also, when you lay his egg, BRING THE EGG TO ME. No questions. Now clean yourself and come down for dinner."
"My heart is too broken for dinner," said Charlene with a sob.
Earl thought about this. "You know what? I think your right. Consider no dinner punishment for sleeping with a hooligan." Earl then shut the door behind him.
Charlene collapsed into her bed.
(cut to next day)
Earl was sitting down in the living room reading a book called "To Catch a Scavenger". Robbie walked down the steps and greeted him.
"Hey dad!" Robbie said.
"Hey son." Earl said, "Are you thinking about going to Spike? He won't be living real long."
"Um, what?" Robbie said with a puzzled expression.
"Oh, I meant, at dinner last night you mentioned a portal opening in your room. Can you tell me more about that?"
"It's gone now," said Robbie, "I'm going to hang out with Wendy. Things are going pretty well with her now that her father's out of the picture."
Earl smirked. He remembered the day of that horrible accident that killed B. P. Richfield. It was probably the best day of his life, even if it did kill a lot of pelicans.
"Okay, have fun with Wendy!" Earl said. As Robbie went out the front door, Earl quickly darted up the steps and broke into his son's room. Robbie was the only one who had a computer. Earl never thought of getting a computer for himself, even after getting a big pay raise from his new manager. Earl turned on the computer and opened the web browser. He did a few things.
"Addresses of people named Spike… Aha! Bingo!" Earl then exited Robbie's room and bumped into Fran in the hallway.
"Earl, where are you going?" asked Fran.
"I'm going to get groceries!"
"I thought we got groceries two days ago. Also what were you doing in Robbie's room?"
"Nothing important. About the groceries, you forgot to get King Neptune's Poseidon Powder. The baby will eat anything with it."
"I didn't know you cared that much about the little one. Okay, be back soon."
With his wife out of the way, Earl went down the stairs and opened the front door. He came face to face with a yellow man loitering in front of his house. Homer Simpson!
"Hey, big guy!" Homer rudely said.
"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?" yelled Earl.
"I dunno, I'll tell you what, with Fox in control, we're still skipping da meadows!"
"I'll let you know," Earl said as he strangled the man like the man does his son, "Your zombie presence on the airwaves is the only thing keeping Jim Henson's Dinosaurs from getting a proper reboot. Also when Disney buys Fox out, don't expect them to keep you running, and don't expect a reboot of your shit show for another hundred years." With that, Earl kicked Homer into the sky and the fat bastard was flying like a rocket, complete with sparkle.
Earl then got inside his car and drove off.
"Spike, you will regret the day you set foot on my daughter!" Earl said as he drove down the road.
Soon Earl came to the address he was looking for. He grabbed a baseball bat and got out of the car. He saw the door to the house open and a chubby thing come out.
Earl leaped into the air and repeatedly battered Spike with the bat. Then he heard a female scream from within the house.
"Spike! No!" A small saurolophus girl ran out of the house.
"I didn't know Spike had roommates," Earl thought to himself.
"No, no, no! You leave my brother alone!"
"Wait, brother?" Earl decided to actually look at the person he was beating up. The "Spike" at his feet was actually a green stegosaurus.
Earl had beaten up a random innocent that shared a name with the man who slept with his daughter, and that's terrible.
"Crap." Earl dropped the bat, ran back to his car, and hauled his ass out of there.
(to be continued)