A Love Destined to Live Until the Undead Dies
Time slowed. My vision seemed to magnify. All I could see was her. Falling. And falling. Through the portal she fell. Saving the world yet again. Though this time would be her last.
We slowly converged around where she fell. The Scoobies stared, silent. Giles, Xander, Willow, Tara, and Dawn. All sad. All solemn. Then there was me. Spike. The outcast. The one everybody hated.
My gaze finally slid to the motionless figure on the ground. The blonde beauty. The only woman I had truly loved with all of my heart, body, and mind. It was then that I fell to my knees and let myself cry.
I cried for everything. For love lost. For a friend lost. For the Lil' Bit, who had lost her only remaining family. But mostly I cried for unrequited love. I had loved her completely, but she had shunned that love and pushed me away.
So I cried. It was all I could do. I couldn't form any coherent thoughts, let alone try to get up and walk. I eventually managed to stop crying. I felt empty inside. Like a hug part of me had been ripped away. Buffy was gone. And if I'd had a soul, that would have gone with her.
Time passed and I slowly fell into the everyday rhythm of life. I couldn't leave her friends behind. They needed a worthwhile fighter. So I stayed, and I helped. I began to grow accustomed to life without Buffy, though I never really moved on. Sure I had loved Dru, but not the same way I loved Buffy, I couldn't tell you how it was different. It just was.
It became almost taboo to talk about her. Even the smallest slip caused silence. An accidental "If Buffy was here..." caused tears to be shed. So her name was unspoken. Our memories of her unsaid. Any thoughts about what Buffy would have thought were silent. But all of things were prominent within our minds.
The pain began to fade. But I was never able to patrol in her cemetery, as I started to refer to it as. Because seeing her name on that stone caused more pain, and I would sit there for hours, crying and reading "She saved the world. A lot." over and over again. Every time I saw it, it brought a fresh wave of grief. And we didn't have the time for me to be out of the game. At all.
And so life went. I took it a day at a time. Patrolling, research, and trips to the butcher had become my life. But my love for Buffy never faded.
A/N: I don't know if I'm going to continue this or not. It may turn into a series of drabbles on Spike's thoughts about Buffy during random episodes in the series. But that's only if I get at least 2 reviews from people telling me that they like it.