Disclaimer: I do not own Rango. It belongs to Gore Verbinski, Nickelodeon Studios and everyone else that made this awesome film.
It was almost noon when Bad Bill finally decided to leave his small hillside home. It was about time to cause his daily mischief for Dirt's new Sheriff, plus he was in the mood to have a few drinks with his gang; perhaps they could even start a fight. It was always fun to watch the scrawny green chameleon struggle to stop an ongoing fight.
Yeah that would be a good start for the day.
With that in mind, Bill placed his small black hat on his head and made his way to his front door. Carefully opening it, he peaked out and looked around for any hawks that were searching for an easy lunch. Seeing that the coast looked clear, Bill slowly exited his home and closed the door.
Turning back around, his small brown eyes surveyed the area once more and just to be extra sure, he flicked his forked, black tongue out a couple of times; tasting the air for any unseen predators. He did this several times as he turned his head in different directions and froze when he picked up a certain scent.
He flicked his tongue out several more times in the detected direction and let out a low growl.
Humans. There were about three, maybe four of them.
'Just what I need. A bunch of bloomin', nosey humans!' Bill thought with a frown. Normally when humans were reported to be wondering around the desert, he would stay inside his home and wait for them to go away. Bill knew that his species was endangered, no thanks to those two legged giants, and there was a state law that prohibited humans from touching or even bothering his kind.
This worked for keeping the annoying hikers away, but it seemed that human scientists were the exceptions to this law, and were constantly on the lookout for him and any other Gila monster they could get their filthy hands on. As cruel fate would have it, it seemed that this time human scientists were in the area, and were coming closer to Bill's home.
The Gila monster let out a groan. He was gonna have to chase the humans away before they found his residence. With that in mind, Bill gave a quick glance around to make sure no other animal was looking, before he took off his clothing and threw them back into his house. Once this was done, Bill shuddered in a rare display of embarrassment. He hated going out in public naked, but it had to be done if he was going to confront the humans, and the last thing he wanted was for them to question why he was wearing tiny human like clothing and carrying itty bitty guns.
"Damn those humans for thinking that all animals enjoy running around in the nude like we're a bunch of savages!" Bill grumbled as he got down on all fours and scurried to where the humans were approaching.
It didn't take him long to find the small group of humans, who were looking around, obviously trying to find some kind of desert creature to pester.
Taking a deep breath, Bill crawled over to where the hominids were and alerted them of his presence.
The humans were so caught up cautiously looking behind a rock, that they didn't notice the lizard crawl from under the bush, and jumped when they heard the loud hiss. They quickly turned and a bit of relief flooded their faces when they saw who the corporate was. One of the humans placed a hand on her chest, "Oh thank goodness, for a second there I thought it was a Western Diamondback; I was expecting to hear its rattle any second!" She said with a small laugh.
Bill rolled his eyes. 'Typical humans. They're always expecting the worst.' He growled in his head. His musings were cut short when the humans started to approach him. Going into defense mode, Bill opened his mouth wide and let out another loud hiss. 'Just try and touch me…I dare you!'
The humans tilted their heads at him. "What kind of lizard is that?" One of them asked. Another scratched his head in thought, "I don't know…it looks like a Gila monster, but the coloring is way off."
"Maybe it's a new subspecies of Gila monster." The fourth member suggested with a small shrug of her shoulders. Bill fought back the urge to snort, 'Try color genetic defect.' He thought bitterly.
The female that had mistaken him for a rattler spoke up once more, "I think we should take it back to the lab and find out if it is a Gila monster." She stated. The male that had questioned Bill's coloring nodded, "Yeah that sounds like a good idea. If it is a Gila, I also want to collect some of its venom and then perhaps breed it to see if its coloring is genetic or recessive."
Bad Bill was panicking by now. There was no way he was gonna go off to some human lab and have who know how many tests done on him, or give up any of his venom, and there was absolutely no damn way he was going to be forced to mate with some random female just for these humans sick knowledge and perhaps pleasure as he had an eerie haunch that they would probably be watching him as he 'did the deed'. If these scientist thought they were going to get their way, then they had another thing coming, and Bad Bill wasn't about to go without a fight.
With this in mind, Bill opened his mouth again and let out another series of hisses as the humans approached him. The human that Bill assumed was the leader, cautiously bent down to pick up the angry lizard.
The outlaw gasped as one of the humans' hands grabbed him from his midsection. Bill's eyes narrowed when he saw the second hand heading towards him. The lizard gave another hiss as a final warning, in which the human chose to ignore and thus sealed his fate.
As the hand came into close enough range, Bill lurched forward in an upward motion, and clamped his mouth down on the humans' hand, right in-between the thumb and the index finger.
The human male gave a pained cry and immediately released Bill. However, Bill did not release the human. Ignoring the mans' cries, Bill shook his head from side to side, sending his tiny razor sharp teeth deep into the humans flesh before moving his jaw in a chewing motion, ensuring that his venom entered his harassers blood stream.
As this was going on, the other three humans tried to get the lizard off their leader, in which they were all unsuccessful. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Bill let go of the human and fell to the ground with a small grunt, before scurrying to hide under a nearby bush.
The other human male made to grab him, but the leader, who was now clutching his injured hand, stopped him, "Let it be Jeff. I think we pissed the lizard off enough and right now I need to get to a hospital."
Jeff gave a disappointed sigh but nodded as he moved to help his leader and friends back to their car. As they left, Bill heard the leader whine, "Damn that little guy bites hard!"
Bad Bill gave a cruel grin in their direction before heading back to his home. Once there, he quickly put his clothes back on and dusted his hands on his faded blue jeans. Thinking back to what that one female said, he gave a chuckle, "I'll bet that bloke wishes it was a rattler that they found." He mused as he made his way to the small town of Dirt. He was sure the boys would get a good laugh out of this little incident.
End
A/N: Yeah this was just a little something I decided to write after watching a video on YouTube of this dumb guy that got bit while handling a Gila monster. After seeing the lizard latch onto the man's hand, I instantly thought of Bad Bill doing something like this :D.
Anywho, a few facts on Gila monsters that I referenced in this little one shot.
Yes, Gila monsters really are protected in Arizona and it is illegal to touch, harass, capture or kill one of these lizards. I think the only exceptions are animal control officers that come to remove Gila monsters from peoples residences, and scientists who are collecting data.
When threatened, Gila monsters will open their mouth wide and let out loud hisses as a warning.
Gila monster are venomous however, unlike snakes who produce venom in their upper jaw, Gila monsters produce venom in their lower jaw. As a result, in order to get the venom into their prey, the lizard moves its jaw into a chewing motion in order to get the venom into the blood stream. And unlike a rattle snake that does a quick bite and then retreat (only biting again if the threat does not leave) a Gila monster will not let go right away once it has bitten down. It will usually clamp on for a small amount of time.