His body was weak and he was helplessly waiting for treatment to take effect. At least he wasn't so tired and he could be awake, thinking. His thoughts occupied with unfamiliar presence next to him, he didn't think how weak he was and how much his old, tired body was aching while he was testing its limits. While being in the hospital or experimenting, he wasn't thinking how miserable he was. How alone. And lonely.
Only thing he had has been failing him and leaving him unstoppably. Naive and unreasonable, he was thinking his power would be forever with him, giving him everything he needed. How could he be so wrong? He dedicated his life to gain more by giving everything away to achieve it, sacrificing his time, mind, body and soul to become greater and invincible, having no weakness or regrets after reaching his final goal.
He didn't succeed. The time was running out and he couldn't do anything about it. His body couldn't handle his power any more and he was forced to give up on his lifelong ambition. There were a couple of solutions he was considering before, prepared for this moment of his life. He couldn't predict the thought of something else would make him more satisfied than a thought of an infinite time and power.
His accomplishment was his own yet he didn't reach it without anyone's help. He had a few loyal and close associates. Their loyalty was a result of their selfish desires and envy; they wanted part of his power, part of his time, part of him. He understood their wishes because he was much worse than any of them. Greedy, selfish, insensitive, inconsiderate, stubborn, but persistent, devoted and assured. He didn't believe to anyone's honest intentions because he was too strong not to be feared of and openly uncaring to be liked. Doubting and accusing everyone, for lying, pretending and betraying, he despised people's need for love and affection. That need was laughable, causing more pain than violence. Any injury could be treated, broken bones would heal and in no time anyone would forget about the cause of the scars on one's body. On the other hand, rejection, affair, hypocrisy, deception and lies weren't causing visible scars. Their consequences were misery, disappointment, revenge, hatred and rivalry, changing to the core the ones who have been hurt.
Leading life unaffected by others and their emotions seemed the best way to avoid useless suffering. That flawless plan failed him, same like his strength did and he was forced to ask for help. He couldn't know that simple request might turn out so unexpectedly different.
Human nature wasn't a mystery to him. Every person was greedy, in one way or another, interested in their own wishes and dreams, taking everything without giving, if possible.
What surprised him was different kind of human behaviour. He couldn't understand it, familiar with his own and witnessing the same. He couldn't understand the reason for unconditional devotion, love or sincerity.
Although he couldn't understand, he was experiencing it at the moment. At first, he didn't know how he should respond, unused to that kind of treatment. He was becoming more confused when he was getting more for no reason at all.
It felt differently as the time was passing by. At first, he was surprised, then doubtful and in the end, he was finally ready to accept what he's been receiving without returning the favour.
Last trace of his suspicion disappeared when he woke up earlier in the hospital's bed.
The reason for being awake at the moment wasn't his freshly gained strength. It was her and her tiny hand placed over his. She was probably holding his palm before she fell asleep, so now her slender fingers were relaxed, resting on his. He could see her beautiful serene face while she was sleeping, having her head on a mattress; she was too considerate to be closer because that might wake him up, but also too concerned to sleep in a comfortable bed instead of here, next to him.
At the same time, he didn't want to be seen like this and he was glad she was there to see him. He hated the fact she was probably cold and uncomfortable yet he didn't want to wake her up to send her away. He hated his selfish nature and his weak body that brought him here. Then again, if he hadn't been like that, he would have never ended up here, alone with her.
Slowly and carefully, without moving his palm covered with a smaller one, he sat up. If he could only find a blanket for her, maybe even turn off the lights so she could sleep more. Maybe she could sleep in his bed, then again, carrying her around would probably wake her up and he didn't wish for it to happen.
Sitting up, he could look at her better and observe her calm breathing. Her long blonde hair, tied in a ponytail, was lying on the bed, as she was sleeping, having her right cheek placed on her right elbow on the bed. Her left arm was reached out to his right palm he was still refusing to move, partly because he was enjoying her casual touch. He wondered if she would dare to show her concern this way while they were both awake. Unwilling to find out the truth, he was holding back from feeling up her soft skin, that undeniable proof of her youth and beauty. His attempts to stay young forever seemed pointless now; one glance at her intact young skin, beautiful features and fragile body was discouraging, but also worth of his admiration. As far as he knew, uncorrupted beauty usually meant conceit, vanity, arrogance, disrespect and selfishness. His theory must have been wrong because this wasn't the first time she was the first person for him to see after waking up. There had been enough times to notice this time something was different, aside from her clasp.
Her eyes weren't calm and a strange trail could be seen, its beginning at the corner of her eyes. Could it be that she was crying before falling asleep?
''You don't deserve her,'' he heard a voice behind him.
Dedicated to a sleeping perfection next to him, he was uninterested to greet his friend.
''You are not worth of her time or her worry.''
He turned to see Tsunade just to stop her from talking, afraid her unnecessary blabbering might wake her up.
''I secretly gave her a sleeping pill, so she'll be asleep for a few hours,'' Tsunade said, not lowering her voice. ''She refused to leave and get some rest.''
Could the reason for her anxiety be tiredness, not sadness? Her young body could get tired, but her beautiful face couldn't be sad. Always smiling, being encouraging and comforting.
''You should think next time, before you act,'' Tsunade said on her way out. ''Other patients would appreciate night and day care more than you.''
He was staring at the closed door for a few moments. He couldn't believe Tsunade's words neither he could look at his beautiful sleeping guardian.
Nobody was worth of her worry, especially not him.
He was unconscious for two days at least, why didn't she leave instead of waiting for him to wake up? Was he her only patient she's been taking care of? If that was true, what has he done to deserve it?
Has he ever given her something except worry and concern? Has she ever asked for something in return for her time and care? Has he ever shown gratitude? Was he treating her differently than others? Was she feeling obligated to stay by his side?
He was certain he hadn't done or said anything that could be misunderstood. He didn't have anything to give her. On the other hand, he wasn't recalling asking about her wishes and desires.
She definitely didn't share her private thoughts with him, being the one always questioning him about everything. About his former life, about his health condition, unrealized goals and his plans for his upcoming journey. With her around, seeing her smile, announcing cheerfully another treatment, he would easily forget about unendurable pain expecting him. He couldn't tell if she had known about the gravity of his weakness and it was unimportant. He couldn't see pity in her bright eyes or compassion in her words. Tenderness in her touch existed, but she seemed gentle, thoughtful and kind, he couldn't be the reason for it.
He was surprised to hear she had been worried, but he wasn't glad finding out the others would have shown more appreciation. He wasn't forcing her to be here, he was a patient like everybody else. It wasn't his fault if she didn't have something else, more important.
It did seem strange that she didn't have someone. Or she did? If she had, why was she sleeping next to him? How could she be taking care of somebody irrelevant, if there existed someone dear to her, who was also yearning for her attention?
He pulled away his hand. There was no need for her worry any more. He was awake and she could go any time, there was nothing holding her or stopping her departure.
He regretted his action immediately. He's been telling himself the same every time, that it didn't matter, that he was indifferent, yet he was glad when she would come to check up on him.
He wished he never came here, never met her or started his recovery this way. He could've done it differently, it would last longer but it wouldn't involve others.
People were strange and he didn't know how to treat them. Used to blackmail, negotiation and revenge, repaying someone who didn't ask for anything in return was something he couldn't understand. How could he know the value of someone's favour? Having someone like her, by his side night and day, seeing her smile, all of it was priceless. He wanted to hear her wishes to give her exactly what she wanted.
Her palm was now holding onto the bedding and he wondered if she was missing his touch in a way he was missing hers.
He startled when her grip became tighter, pulling the sheet towards her face. She seemed upset in her sleep and he, not having a better solution, embraced her left palm.
He smiled after her tiny hand embraced his. She also started to breathe calmly again. At that moment he wished to wake her just to tell her he was fine so she could rest some more. Her hand was much warmer than his and that warmth was spreading up to his entire arm. He didn't even notice when she reached out to his wrist, as if she's been holding him for real.
He felt the need to give her his other palm too, and at the moment he put his left palm over hers, she lifted her head and, slowly opening her eyes, blinked at him.
Still sleepy, she stretched, scratching her head with her right hand, unaware he's been watching her. She frowned because of too much light and casually squeezed both of his hands he's been holding onto her left palm.
Her eyes widened in surprise when she finally met his gaze.
''You are awake!'' she squeaked happily.
That was all she'd said before getting up and hugging him. It was just for a moment, but he felt her warm cheek on his, her hands around him and her warm body against his. He didn't get the chance to do anything because she pulled away.
She seemed slightly embarrassed because of that impulsive reaction.
He gave her a small smile to assure her he didn't mind having her that close.
''Why didn't you wake me up?'' she asked impatiently, lifting the sleeve of his shirt to check his pulse. ''How are you feeling?'' she added, her gaze exploring his features and letting go of his arm.
After an initial shock, she calmed down and carefully sat next to him. She was a petite woman, so she could sit comfortable enough, without invading his personal space.
''You are not so pale as usual,'' she said, looking worried, and cautiously cupped his left cheek.
Unprepared for that amount of her touch, he closed his eyes instinctively, focused to feel as much as possible of her gentle caress, to eventually overcome the pain, still present and strong in every part of his body.
''Are you having a fever?'' her voice was more quiet than before.
Another palm covered his forehead after brushing away his hair.
''You are not, you will be fine,'' she assured him.
He nodded briefly, holding back from revealing his true state. Slightly opening of his eyes confirmed his impression that she was standing up again.
''You will be fine,'' she said absently while checking his pulse on his neck this time. ''You will be fine,'' she repeated.
He was gazing at her while she was having her hands onto his shoulders and he noticed she wasn't smiling any more. She looked down and at the door, then at him again. He didn't know the reason for her sudden change or the trembling of her hands.
Before he could say something to assure her he was feeling like he had expected he would, he found himself in her gentle embrace. With one palm she cupped the back of his head and the other arm was around his back.
''There is no reason not to be all right,'' she was whispering in his ear, ''you will be all right!''
Instead of letting go of him like the first time, she got closer, now brushing her thigh against his, with both of them sitting; the strand of her hair tickling his neck, her cheek against his and her entire body pressed against his.
She was assuring him he would be all right, yet she sounded upset. He wasn't worried until now. His worry wasn't about him, he came here to get the best care and nobody could get better treatment than him. He was worried because he didn't know the reason for her strange reaction.
He called her name quietly, not willing to push her away or make her worry for no reason.
She squeezed him a bit tighter and brushed against his cheek to get closer to his ear.
''You must be all right, Orochimaru-sama!''
Her short, quiet, honest plea, her only request from him. Why would she ask for something like that? How was his well-being affecting her joyful and untroubled life?
''Please,'' she pulled away to look at his eyes, ''be all right.''
He didn't expect begging from her and, by the look on her face, she didn't expect his response.
He wanted to tell her he's never felt like this before, guilty and angry because of the state he'd brought himself into because it was making somebody else worried. She wasn't somebody else. She was special and unique. She was important to him. She was somebody very dear to him. One word or smile coming from her would brighten his day, redirecting his thoughts from his pain to her, to her previous visits, to their short moments together. Could it be that she's been seeing him as more than a regular patient? Was there a deeper meaning of her soft smile and kind words? Could it be that her worry for him was the reason for her staying by his side? Could it be that he was the reason for her sadness? Was that the reason for her wish?
Instead of an answer, she got pulled in his arms in an intimate embrace. His body was doing everything he was unable to say. Hugging her firmly, inhaling her mesmerizing scent and stroking her smooth hair, he closed his eyes to feel her in his arms.
His sudden action made her lips unintentionally brush against his cheek, but she, unlike him, was unaware of that contact. She made her grip tighter, now knowing he wouldn't object or disapprove it. As much as he was enjoying seeing her next to him, having her in his arms was unimaginably delightful. Her warmth and closeness felt divine and all he cared about was soothing away her fears and worries, do anything to see her innocent smile and hear her cheerful voice.
He couldn't share his own fear that he might never see her again because of the next surgery he had to get through. He couldn't tell her she might never wake up again to see him awake. He couldn't tell her he might die.
He wasn't afraid of dying. Agonizing, joyless, painful life was much worse than any kind of death. That was the reason for commencing recovering therapy. He couldn't know that might cause fear and worry to someone else.
She was settled in his embrace and he wondered if his presence affected her the same way as him. Warm but not hot skin, tight but not firm embrace, even breathing and gentle strokes of his hair, all of it was making him helpless. What was the meaning of this unfamiliar burning of his insides? Could it be that his body wanted more? Did he need more? Was he worth to ask for more? He was truly desperate because he couldn't stop the time to stay like this forever. That ridiculous wish made him even more pathetic.
What would make this beautiful young woman to stay by his side forever? He was nothing more than tired, weak old man, seeking unattainable perfection. On that road, he didn't leave anything good behind, only pain and disaster. He didn't reveal her that part of his life and he did it because of his selfish need. He wanted her attention and concern. He could get it from someone like her only by hiding his true nature. He didn't need forgiveness or understanding for his acts. He was craving for innocent and pure concern she's been giving him. She didn't know him or his power, expecting nothing from him, she was still next to him. Right now and every other time of his staying in the hospital.
Why he was feeling so strange while receiving without giving something in return, especially from someone like her? Could it be that he was feeling honoured? Special? Missed?
''I need you to be all right,'' she said, but it had been said very unclear, as if she was unable to speak.
He wondered what'd happened, what might have caused her faltering voice? Why did her breathing change and why did her embrace become tighter?
Suddenly he felt something on his neck's skin, different from her hair, her gentle fingers or soft skin. That something made him flinch. It made him worried and angry.
It was a teardrop. Only one, but he felt it. Her crying affected her voice, breathing and embrace.
''I want you to get better!'' she said, a bit louder than before and all of his doubts vanished.
His body was aching, but not like his soul. Her sobbing wrenched at his heart.
Could it be that she had lost someone and she's been readying for another loss? If so, that would mean the worst. She would lose him without him confessing he's been feeling the same, that he wanted to get better because of her.
She was too young to mourn over somebody like him. He wasn't worth of being the reason for her tears or smile. He wasn't worth of her precious time or occupying her mind with a single thought.
Having his eyes closed, he was breathing heavily in despair. He didn't want to see for himself it was his fault. He didn't want to face the truth that he was the one who had made her cry.
Those bright eyes were sad and inconsolable and he wished to see bliss and joy in them again.
He was helpless in a moment he hadn't anticipated to happen in the first place. He couldn't say anything to comfort her and stop her crying. Because he was the reason.
The most ungrateful, most selfish, most disgraceful, the cruellest person he's ever known, he himself, made her cry. He would do whatever it took to make her stop, only he couldn't turn back the time and spare her from the pain of getting attached to him, a disagreeable bad-tempered man.
Orochimaru opened his eyes. His breaths were short and fast and the room was in a complete dark. The bed he was lying in was more comfortable than the hospital's and he concluded this was his own bed. In his own house.
It was a dream. He was dreaming about her worry. Seeing her cry was actually the worst dream he could have and the worst nightmare was that he was the reason for her tears.
Her teardrop from his dream in reality was a drop of his sweat; that was the reason for seeming so real. He felt relieved after making sure that really had been a dream. He was always sleeping restlessly, not being able to stop thinking too much. That beautiful young woman was on his mind. Of course he dreamed of her, she was the only pleasant memory from that period of suffering.
He dreamed of her often. About her smile and care, their moments together, but never this. Maybe because it was most likely to happen sooner or later, unfortunately, it was unavoidable.
He sat up to calm down. It was a bit hot, he was assuring himself, and his sweat wasn't a result of his dreaming. He let his hair to fall freely while sitting in lotus position, trying to breathe normally. It was no use because more sweat appeared on his forehead.
He didn't feel like sleeping again, afraid the nightmare might recur before his eyes; so real, so sad, so imminent.
He was about to get up, only a cranky voice made him reconsider that idea.
''Where do you think you are going?''
A night-stand lamp lit the room.
''You promised you would rest and I am a light sleeper-''
He regretted the thought of getting up. It seemed unreal she's been sleeping next to him. He also hated he made her worried. Again.
''What's the matter?''
She tossed the cover aside and crawled up to him. He couldn't hide something's been on his mind and that worried her. She straddled his lap to sit on top of him and hugged him as firmly as she could with her dainty arms. Her position also let him know she wished him to remain on the same spot-in the bed with her.
She must have felt his fast pulse because she was stroking his hair, whispering softly.
''Whatever it was, it's over now.''
She gently wiped his damp forehead and planted a small kiss on it. She also unfastened his belt, so she could push the robe off his shoulders, to cool his body down.
She did it slowly, considerate about his insecurity about his physical appearance. For too long he was embarrassed of his pallid figure, thinking she would find it repulsive and grim-looking. He should have known better; kind and caring person like her couldn't be shallow. Only because she herself was breathtakingly beautiful didn't mean she wasn't looking under the surface of others. And he was grateful she ignored his flaws from the start and was with him after quite some time.
''Do you need something? I will get it for you,'' she offered.
He shook his head slowly as a negative answer. In her arms, he wasn't warm or tired or upset. He was perfect.
''You won't tell me what's troubling you?'' she asked warily.
How could he? That would only make her remember about his long recovery that was still bothering him from time to time, despite her efforts.
''It's nothing physical, meaning I didn't exhaust you earlier and we can repeat that!'' she chuckled.
She also poked the bridge of his nose with her index finger, that way ending his smirking.
''Not now!'' she said as strictly as possible in her sweet voice. ''We should sleep in the middle of the night!''
When in bed together, naked and in the mood, she wasn't a medic. She was his lover, the best one he ever had. He hoped she was feeling at least half as much pleased as him.
''Maybe in the morning, if you sleep,'' she chuckled quietly, blushing lightly because of her thoughts about the next morning. ''And definitely tomorrow night!'' she purred, brushing her lips against his ear.
He snuggled against her neck while holding her tightly, to agree with her idea. She chuckled and her whole body vibrated.
Before he was craving for a young body. Now he's been holding one in his arms and all he cared about was her precious heart. He had a privilege of having her body, indulge her and satisfy her desires; she revealed to him the meaning of lovemaking. That was his minor concern. On the other hand, he could easily lose her heart once she would change her mind. And he didn't want to give up on it. Not now, when she introduced a whole now world to him, the world he didn't get the chance to explore without her.
Ever since he was released from the hospital, she was his regular visitor; it was her task as a medic.
Afraid it would scare her away, he was delaying to confess how he was feeling around her and about her. It seemed childish now, but back then it was a reasonable fear. He would rather have her in his life as a friend than not at all. He was fearless and arrogant shinobi, but as a simple man he was timid to ask for more than a casual touch, aware he was unworthy to be called hers.
One time he felt brave enough to ask for her longer stay. His request didn't come from a patient; he needed different kind of attention from her.
Unfortunately, she misunderstood. Concerned about his condition, she remained next to him and spent the night awake, too worried to leave his side. That discouraged him; although it was thoughtful of her, it proved she was perceiving him as nothing more than a part of her duty.
How foolish of him; he only had to wait for the next day, when she came to him as usual, and wondered about his gloomy mood. She offered to leave him alone if she was the one making him feel depressed. He couldn't keep control over his hidden emotions; the pure horror of losing her and never seeing her again wasn't something he was ready to accept, so he did the unthinkable.
She assured him wordlessly she enjoyed being in his arms, returning his bear hug, also making a more daring move. He should have known her kiss couldn't be compared to any other; unexpected, unreserved, unforgettable.
That also made their conversations different; they got more personal, and every light peck was more intimate. They were spending their nights wide awake; not even once he asked her to stay because she loved being with him and taking care of him. That was the reason for being on his lap at this very moment.
She was as light as a feather and he easily lay her down next to him. She made a surprised grimace, probably thinking he was about to leave her side. She smiled when she realised he only wanted to observe her petite figure better.
She was wearing a simple violet nightdress and wore her hair loose while in bed. Her young body was perfect and if he could, he would never stop watching her; those beautiful eyes, rosy cheeks and disarming smile.
She stretched out her arms to him, inviting him to join her.
''Come to me, Orochimaru-sama!'' she ordered playfully.
If he had to pick one word to describe her, it would be irresistible. Everything about her was impossible to resist; the way she laughed or spoke, her tender touch, and then her kiss!
She was always ready for that intimate act; her lips were there to wake him, to put him at ease, to make him wish to stay with her forever. And he would gladly come to her every time she would ask.
Before he placed his head on her chest, he succumbed to the temptation to kiss her; on the brow, on the cheeks, on the lips, and she was smiling the whole time. Right after he calmed down in her embrace, she covered them with a blanket and hit the lights, so they could try sleeping again. To make sure he wouldn't move any time soon, she made him purr by simply caressing his hair and the sound of her even breathing was calming him down as if it was a lullaby.
Her warmth he could feel, while she was holding him tightly against her chest, was reminding him of the reason why he had woken up. He couldn't feel her presence and he missed her; his body subconsciously needed hers and he thought she wasn't there. That imminently made him think he wasn't dear to her any more neither was his affection requited. His worry was in vain because not only she was with him, but because she was the one holding him, to make sure he was resting while with her.
After too much time, he wasn't feeling misery, despair, sadness or loneliness. In her company he couldn't feel anything different from pure joy. Her time and tenderness, her kiss and caress, her smile was erasing all of his troubles. He didn't care about shallow and meaningless expectations any more. He cared about her. Only about her. He couldn't express how grateful he was for her care and patience.
Nothing in the world could replace her. Her concern was more valuable than anything. He didn't want to make her worried purposely, but that was an obvious proof of her true feelings; it was an evidence that she cared. Being by his side for so long meant she cared a lot; much more than he deserved and much more than he had thought anybody would care about someone like him. It felt different and unusual, like something he has never experienced before. That pleasant sensation was unknown to him until they met and he wouldn't trade it for anything. He finally felt as if he belonged somewhere. To someone. And that someone was a selfless young woman, dedicating herself to him and his wishes. Her honest smile and gentle embrace were priceless. He could stay in her arms forever and be happy. Truly happy. And she was the reason.
She was the queen of his heart, the only princess he wanted to take care of, first woman to make him feel this way; she was his everything.
''Ino,'' he murmured dreamily.
His breath must have tickled her skin because she chuckled. She also squeezed him tighter and continued smoothing his hair until he drifted off.