*I don't own dis', Rumiko Takahashi own dis'*
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This is my first fic so be kind, it is lime-ish, will write more if j00 liek eet.
luckychucky01@hotmail.com if you wanna dis' me.
* = thoughts so j00 not get conf00zed.
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Like events which happen all too frequently at the Tendo Residence, resulting in the pounding of heads with enormous wooden mallets, that is, the verbal onslaught that occurs between one pigtailed boy/girl and the violent kitchen destroyer, specifically Ranma eating one bite of Akane's cooking and trying hard not to retch the contents of his stomach.
"Awww MAN!! Your cooking couldn't possibly get any worse than this crap! Whadya put in it? sulfuric acid or somethin!?" Ranma complained loudly,
"Ranma you JERK!! You know how long it took to cook that for you!? Why can't you be nice and encourage me for once!?"
"Okay, way to go Akane! This industrial strength paint thinner tastes great!!"
*WHAM!*
As the sound of wood meeting bone echo's throughout the house.
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Later that evening Ranma is sitting on the roof talking to himself.
"That kawaiikune tomboy, why does she make me eat stuff that she knows doesn't taste no good, then she acts surprised when I tell her it's horrible, what does she want me to do? Lie and say it tastes good when it doesn't, liked she'd believe that while i'm keeled over grasping my stomach in pain"
*But you know she's trying her best to please you* Says a little voice in his head,
"Yeah maybe she does try, but... ...How else am I spose to react? 'well done Akane that tasted like shit but hey at least your trying' that'd just sound sarcastic"
*...*
"There's just no way of pleasing her, not matter what I do I just keep sticking my foot in my mouth, maybe I should just give up on her"
*But you don't want to, do you?*
"How the hell should I know? I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me as much as I like her, she made THAT perfectly clear right from the start"
*So what will you do now?*
"I don't know what I'm suppose to do, I just know that things can't continue on this way"
At that very moment a shooting star shot across the sky.
"I just wish I could somehow let her know how i feel"
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Akane is in her room griping about the events of that evening.
"That stupid insensitive pervert! I know my cooking isn't very good but why does he have to be so mean about it, I try so hard and he just throws it back in my face!"
*At least he doesn't bash it in with a giant mallet* Says the little voice in her head
"HE DESERVED IT!!!"
*Just like he deserves to writhe in pain after eating your cooking*
"I don't do it on purpose! I just..."
*just what*
"It's not like I intentionally cook horrible food just to hurt him, I want to be able to please him but I just can't, that's why he's always going to Ukyo or Shampoo behind my back"
*...*
"Why, why does he stay, he's always complaining about how violent and uncute I am, how horrible my cooking is, so then why doesn't he just leave for someone who will obviously be able to make him happy"
*Do you want him to leave?*
"No... ...I just... ...Wish he'd be nice to me"
*The way he is around Ukyo?*
"She's just his friend, he's not really interested in her, 'I think' but yes, I do wish he'd act that way with me, when he's around her he doesn't bottle his feeling up inside like he does around me"
*You want to know his innermost thoughts and feelings*
She thinks about it for a while.
"....yes"
Just then a shooting star shot across the sky.
"I just wish I knew how he truly feels"
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It's the following morning at the Tendo household and something strange is happening, though something strange always happens, therefore today is a perfectly normal day.
"Ranma WAKE UP!" Akane yells
"Euuuurrrrrrge" Ranma mumbles as he fights to remain in peaceful slumber
"Ranma! If you don't get up now your dad will eat your breakfast!"
"*snort* HUH! Wha, eurrge, must get up, must eat"
Ranma puts on his clothes and walks wearily downstairs after Akane and sits at the table as Kasumi brings the food to the table.
*Hmmm, wonder if I can get through the day without Akane beating the crap outof me or trying to feed me her so called food* He Thought
"What did you say!" Yelled Akane,
*Huh, did I say that or just think it*
"hmmph?" Said Ranma, mouth half full of rice, then swallowed
"what tha hell ya talkin about I didn't say nuthin!" He yelled
*Stupid kawaiikune tomboy, what's she angry about now?*
"What're you some kinda ventriloquist now!?"
"A ventriliwhat?"
*what the hells she talking about??*
*How's he doing that? OH SHIT! The wish I made last night, I can hear his thoughts! Umm, better not let on though*
"Oh {looks down at her hands) I'm sorry Ranma, I'm a bit on edge today, must be that time of the month" she said lamely
*Gee, I know how that feels* he thought
Akane begins laughing uncontrollably, Ranma looks at her, confusion written all over his face.
"What the hell's so funny Akane, you goin insane or sumthin?"
"No, I just realized that, you're the only guy I know who has explicit knowledge of what 'that time of the month' feels like"
"GEEZ TELL THE WHOLE WORLD WHY DONCHA!!!"
At this point Genma looks at his son with food hanging out of his mouth, a glazed over look in his eyes.
"Ranma.. ..you've had. ...periods??"
Ranma simply put his head is his hands and grumbled something incoherent.
*So it's going to be one of THOSE days, I guess I can look forward to a whole 24 hours of weird!* He thought, dreading the day ahead, as it looked to be a bad one.
Ranma quickly shovels as much food in his mouth as he can and leaves the house in a hurry, not wanting to hear about menstrual cycles or Soun's wailing, as he was leaving Akane got up and chased after him.
"Ranma wait for me! why're you in such a hurry"
"I'm not!"
*Geez if word gets out that I've had periods before I'll never hear the end of it*
"Ranma I'm sorry about what I said, I know you're sensitive about that kind of thing"
Ranma stops running and simply looks her in the eyes, looking a bit frustrated Ranma spoke.
"How'd you know about that, I've never told anyone"
*God I can remember the first time it happened in China, I was terrified*
"Ranma, I just, it was just a joke I didn't really know"
*At least not until you thought about it I didn't, I wonder what other secret's he has in that pea brain of his*
"Great, now everyone knows"
*It's not really her fault I guess, they would've found out sooner or later*
Just then he walks by a familiar old woman throwing water out onto the sidewalk, like always he is transformed into a beautiful young girl.
"Just great"
*You'd think by now I'd be smart enough to avoid that old woman*
Akane is surprised when she notices something peculiar
*His voice, I mean, why does the voice in his head sound like a girl, I thought he was a boy trapped in a girls body, so why do his thoughts sound different*
She ponders this question while she walks, Ranma has once again taken her position walking ontop of the fence along side the canal.
*Hmmm, I didn't really expect it to stay a secret for ever but it could've waited a while, like I need people knowin all my problems, especially girly problems like that (looks down at Akane) and how did Akane know about it, some wild guess, yeah right, hmmm, I wonder what's on her mind right now, I can tell that she's thinking about something, she sortof looks cute from this angle aswell*
*cute? Why would Ranma be thinking something like that, I'm never cute, at least not in Ranma's eyes*
*Look at her, now she's blushing, damn she looks sexy, wonder if it's me she's thinking about, and if she is, is it my boy side or girl side she's fantisizing about, gee, and she calls me a pervert*
*He thinks I'M a pervert??? Wait a minute. Sexy?? me, the violent, uncute, unsexy tomboy, SEXY??? Hmmm, time to have a little fun with him, her, whatever*
"Ranma, do you think I'm sexy?"
"What!? You sexy? No way! You're a big butch tomboy is what you are!"
*NO! Why the hell did I say that, stupid stupid stupid stupid, YOU ARE SEXY DAMMIT, man if you only knew how badly I want you, good work Ranma, good old foot in mouth technique, and now comes the pain, I might as well just dive head first into a mallet when ever I see one*
Akane starts giggling, Ranma simply stares at Akane with a confused expression, trying to think what to say.
*Man the pressure musta got to her, she's going nuts and it's all my fault, I finally drove her insane*
Ranma Jumps off the fence and stops in front of Akane.
"Akane what's wrong with you today, I just called you a butch tomboy and you're laughing, you're spose to get mad and mallet me in the head, are you feeling all right?" Says Ranma as she feels Akanes head to check and see if she has a fever.
*He thinks I'm sexy! He want's me! but. ..we'll never get anywhere if he can't open up to me* she thinks her head filling with conflicting emotions.
"I'm fine Ranma it's just...(blushing at the feel of Ranma's hand against her forehead) ...I just wish you'd be honest with me for once" said Akane wiping the tears of laughter/sadness out of her eyes.
Before Ranma can figure out the meaning behind Akane's words Tatewaki Kuno arrives to woo his loves with his manly charms.
"Ah the fair Akane Tendo and the beauteous pig tailed girl, I see neither of you are in the presence of the wretch Saotome, surely he fears my almighty wrath, come to me my loves and I will liberate you from his evil clutches!"
*Oh great, it's Kuno, I wonder what nonsense is gunna come outa his big stupid mouth today?
''KUNO!"
Ranma starts running towards the love struck kendo-ist arms wide as if to accept his loving embrace, and at the very last moment simply extends her leg kicking him square in the balls, he keels over in mind altering pain muttering something.
"aaAAaarrge, pig... ...nnnggrr... ...tailed...Grrlll *cough* my...nNNnnGGgrRe"
*Hmm, I used to consider being a girl a weakness, but that's one weak point I don't have to worry about... at least not now*
"c'mon Akane let's hurry or we'll be late for school, did you have the foresight to bring a thermos with ya? I could use one right about now!"
"Sorry Ranma, you left in such a hurry I didn't have the chance to bring one with me, oh and lets not hurry to school, why don't you walk next to me on the way there?"
*I just wanna see him squirm*
"Okay Akane but don't blame me if Hinako Sensei drains our chi for being delinquents"
*What's with Akane she's being... ...nice, not that I mind or anything*
Just when things were looking up Kuno grabbed both Ranma and Akane from behind after recovering from having his testicles crushed.
"Akane Tendo, pigtailed girl! No amount of suffering can deter me from my ultimate goal of dating thee both, not even the wretch Saotome with his evil magics can prevent me from*POW* Both Ranma and Akane have sent Kuno into the stratosphere.
"That pervert, hmph"
*Kuno is such an idiot, he hates me and loves me at the same time, and he want's to break me and Akane apart so he can date both of us, what a blind moron, if he weren't such an idiot he may have actually found a real girlfriend by now, I mean he ain't so bad lookin when he stops rambling on about bullshit.. Although it is kinda flattering, it's nice to know that if I gotta be a girl I at least get to be an attractive girl, even if it is to the wrong gender, hmmm, I know Akane can tell I make a cute girl, but I wonder if she finds me attractive like this....*
*That PERVERT, what's he thinking about!? Me attracted to his girl side???*(Begins blushing furiously)
*Oh man, she's standing right next to me, what I wouldn't give to just drag her into an alley way and, WAIT! gotta stop thinking about this stuff, I mean I'm a girl right now so I shouldn't be thinking stuff like this, it ain't natural, but then again, we will be married some day, and so she'll probably be curious. Whew good thing I'm a girl right now or else I'd be making a trouser tent right about now, hmm, I'm getting a little tingly down there though, NO! Must focus, must think about completely unrelated things like MARTIAL ARTS! Yeah, I love to kick peoples asses at martial arts, I'd love to do something with Akane's ass, certainly not kick it though, lick it perhaps...*
Ranma's mind continues to drift between Akane and other topics while trying not to let on that she's aroused, but since Akane can hear her thoughts, she is very aware of Ranma's current mental state.
*That sick sick PERVERT! he's DISGUSTING! ARGE!*
*Then I'd dribble honey all over her body especially her tits, and then slowly lick it off cleaning her entire body with my tongue and then i'd*
*STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! Damn it Ranma, stop thinking about it now I'm getting horny too!*
Akane beings to imagine the situations that Ranma is describing with her thoughts, suddenly a brief moan escapes her lips, the sound breaks Ranma from her reverie and she realizes that Akane is extremely aroused.
"Akane, what's wrong with you!"
*Oh my god she's horny, she, she wants me! I can see it in her eye's, she wants me to do her right now*
"Ranma please stop! I can't take it anymore, you're making me all wet! Don't, don't think about it"
*WHAT AM I SAYING!?*
*she's WET!? oh man I'm wet too, and it's rubbing between my thighs, why'd I have to wear boxers?*
"Akane stop what, I'm not doin nuthin!"
Akane begins massaging Ranma's breasts with her hands and rubbing herself against the smaller girls body, her hands seemingly roaming of their own volition, as she does this Ranma starts moaning at the sudden physical contact.
"RAAAANNNNNMMAAAAAA!!!" Yelled the eternally lost boy who coincidentally stumbled into view of the situation currently unfolding.
"What!? Oh! Ryoga, this ain't what it looks like honestly!"
"Ranma, for shamelessly molesting Akane, YOU, SHALL, DIE!!!!" He yelled as he launched an all out attack.
"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!"
Ranma used her superior speed to block all of ryoga's attacks and catch the flying rocks that emanated from ryoga's breaking point blasts, little did Ryoga know though that he was slowly being drawn into an ever tightening spiral.
*Stupid fucking Ryoga, what right does he have to be angry at me, he's the one sleeping in MY fiance's bed!*
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SLEEPING IN MY BED!!!!" screamed Akane, interrupting the fierce battle, the remnants of a hiryu shoten ha simply dissipating as the two fighters stared at Akane.
"RANMA! What the hell do mean by 'Ryoga sleeping in my bed!!!!????"
"Huh, I never said that Akane!"
"Ranma, what did you tell Akane!?" Ryoga pleaded, forgetting his earlier outrage.
"I didn't tell her nuthin I swear!"
"DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT!!!??"
*Oh my god if she finds out that Ryoga is P-Chan we're both done for*
"RYOGA IS P-CHAN!!? WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!!??"
"I was honor bound never to tell you, I promised him, and it's cowardly to reveal an opponent's weakness!"
*I felt so guilty about causing him so much pain, the only thing that ever made him happy was being your pet Akane, how could I deny him that meager consolation?*
"You let him take advantage of you Ranma, what about my honor huh?"
"And YOU! This is how you repay Ranma's kindness!? By sleeping with his fiancee, I HATE YOU RYOGA, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET LOST IN A FUCKING DESERT SOMEWHERE AND DIE!!!" Akane is yelling at the top of her lungs, at her whits end.
"Akane I'm sorry I meant to tell you but I'm just such a pathetic coward I really am a disgusting PIG!" cried Ryoga as he slumps to the ground in a sobbing heap, as he sobs a dark aura appears around his body, he looks up at Ranma and his eyes turn from sorrow into rage.
"I don't know how Akane found out my secret Ranma, but somehow...I JUST KNOW THAT IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! PREPARE TO DIE RANMA!!!"
Ryoga then braces his feet to perform his most powerful shi shi hokodan, and Ranma steps back in fear.
"what, what the hell are you talking about Ryoga, I didn't tell her nuthin I swear" said Ranma,
"Ranma! Run away he's guna kill you!" Yelled Akane,
"SHI SHI!*Crack!*Urk**" Ryoga was interrupted as the previously airborne Kuno fell head first into the lost boy, who was still barely standing, straining under the kendo-ists weight which pressed against his own skull, Ryoga seemed to be con cussed though still standing and eyes watering while Kuno simply looked at Ranma from his upside down position with no obvious change in expression.
"Um, Kuno?"
"Ah my pigtailed goddess, once again have I saved you from peril, this loathsome brute most likely one of the sorcerer Soatome's evil minions" Kuno said in his usual tone
Ranma, no longer worried about Ryoga, simply stares at Kuno dumbfounded.
"Um, Kuno, didn't that hurt? I mean you must've fallen a good few thousand feet" Ranma asked
"Oh pigtailed girl! You are truly concerned are you not! I, hmm, this is strange, I can't seem to be able to move, pigtailed girl, i..feel...sleeepy....." Kuno manages to utter as the blood begins to swell inside his skull"
"Hmm, weird" says Ranma simply, then grabs Akane by the arm and begins to run to school.
"C'mon lets go!"
*Gota get to school and quick, before anymore weird shit happens*
As they run from view Ryoga and Kuno can be seen as a silhouette in the background, looking like a human totem pole, a tumbleweed blows past as they remain completely inanimate.
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Ranma, once again male sits at his desk pondering some things, while Akane listens.
*I just don't get it, Akane could never figure out Ryoga was P-chan before, so how did she all of a sudden KNOW about it, without anyone having told her, I mean I'd always call Ryoga P-chan, I'd call P-chan Ryoga, I'd say stuff like 'Oh P-chan is closer than you think' when Ryoga was around, there was the time when that girl Azusa called both P-chan and Ryoga Charlotte, there was the time Ryoga and P-chan had the same tattoo's on their stomachs, I did everything I could to help Akane figure it out aside from simply coming right out and saying 'hey Akane funny thing, did you know Ryoga was P-chan?' ALL THAT, and she still couldn't figure it out, so how did she come to the realization that Ryoga was P-chan without me telling her?*
Akane could hear the gears inside Ranma's head slowly turning trying to work out the puzzle. She felt she had to do something to curb Ranma's thought processes, for Akane knew that Ranma had a one track mind. Once he started thinking about something he didn't stop until he came to a conclusion. So she had to try and distract him, it wouldn't do to have her new talent realized. She had to observe Ranma's mind in it's natural state. If he were to be self conscious of his thoughts it would ruin the purpose altogether. So Akane did the only thing she could think of, and that was to come onto him, something completely out of character like that should shock him enough to make him completely forget what he was thinking about, and with that she stood up, walked over to him, and glomped onto him from behind his chair, he was so deep in thought he didn't even realize she'd snuck up on him.
"Urk!"
*Oh great, who's hugging me, I didn't see Shampoo come in here* he thought, it usually was the voluptuous Amazon who did the glomping.
"Raannnnma" Akane purred into his ear seductively,
"a-a-Akane?" he stuttered while she affectionately rubbed her breasts against his back,
"Akane stop doin that people can see y'know!"
*Great, this is the second time today she's gotten all weird like this, we're guna have to go to our next class soon and if Akane don't stop rubbin herself all over me I'm guna poke right through my pants*
Akane blushed and quickly let go of the boy sometimes girl satisfied that Ranma would be pondering her strange affectionate behaviour instead of wondering how she figured out that Ryoga was P-chan, though she had wanted to yell at him for not telling her, she decided to bite her tongue and let it blow over.
"Uh, umm, Ranma, do you want to see a movie after school?" Akane asked
*this will give me time to get close to him*
"Uh, sure thing Akane, heh heh" said Ranma as he stood holding his hand behind his head,
"Great! I'll talk to you at lunch Ranma" She said smiling happily
*Oh man, with the way she's been acting she'll probably want me to kiss her or somethin* he thought as the bell rang signaling to go from homeroom to their first class, he then looked back at Akane's happy grin as another thought entered his head.
*She is sooo cute!*
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All during class Akane furiously wrote out notes, she took her new project very seriously, though she felt somewhat guilty about prying inside Ranma's head like this, it was all in the name of science, or chemistry rather, the chemistry between her and Ranma of course, she would write down absolutely everything about herself that Ranma either liked or disliked, as his thoughts would constantly linger on her, which she noted, made her very happy, that her fiancee was so enthralled by her, it wasn't often he thought of much else, although he would occasionally think about his other so called "fiancee's" but mainly to mentally gripe about the situation, as they tended to get in the way of his personal interests, and also Akane noted, caused many misunderstandings, which led her to one key point in her analysis, "Akane always thinks the worst of me" this she vowed, would change, after all, Ranma was always faithful, yet he received no praise for his efforts, only pain, the kind only a mallet can administer.
*I really am a bitch aren't I?* Akane thought, not too pleased with herself. She'd never seen herself through someone elses eyes before, and Ranma wasn't pulling any punches with his mental mud slinging.
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It's lunchtime at furinkan high school and Akane has gone outside looking for Ranma.
"Ranma.." Akane said in a small voice as she approached her fiancee resting against a tree,
"Yeah Akane?"
"Ranma, I'm..sorry.." she said in an almost whisper, her head downcast,
"Hey Akane, what's wrong, what do you have to be sorry about? Hey, don't look so sad" He said walking towards her so that he can comfort her
"Ranma, I'm sorry I never trusted you"
"Hey don't feel bad Akane, I never trusted you either, like the time you spent with shinnosuke, I was certain you'd left me for someone else, I don't think I'm any better than you are at being trustful, it's just your way of protecting yourself" He said while stroking her hair.
"Akane!"
Akane was jolted from her little daydream as she sat quietly next to Ranma.
"Yes Ranma?"
"What movie are we guna see?"
*Oh god I hope she doesn't wanna see a chick flick*
"We'll see whatever you want to see Ranma"
"Oh I heard about this Jet Lee movie called 'The One' it's spose to kick ass" He said enthusiastically,
"Ok we'll see that then"
As Akane and Ranma sat under a tree occasionally sharing idle chit chat and eating their lunch, Kuno chose to finally make his appearance.
"Get away from the fair Akane Tendo you fiend, and what have you done with the lovely pigtailed girl!?"
"Kuno, ummm, what happened to your head man?" Asked Ranma noticing the fresh bandages,
"Ah it is the result of an injury I acquired in my quest to free the lovely pigtailed girl from your evil clutches, yet you have her under your evil spell so as to prevent her from expressing her truest love for me, now cease this meaningless distraction and prepare to do battle!"
"Wait Ranma, I have a plan on how to get rid of Kuno for good, pick me up and jump over towards the swimming pool" Akane whispered in Ranma's ear,
"erm, okay Akane if you say so" said Ranma as he scooped Akane up into his arms and bound towards the school swimming pool,
"Okay Ranma now change into a girl" Akane commanded
"But why do I gota.."
"Just do it, it's part of my plan"
Ranma did as he was told and splashed himself with cold water from the pool transforming himself once again into a cute little redhead.
"Where has that coward run to! I wish to smite him! Oh, it is the beauteous pigtailed girl come to wish me luck in punishing the fiend Saotome"
"No" interjected Akane
"She came to visit ME, you see, we no longer love you Kuno"
"Ah! It is the fiend Saotome who has cast a spell on you both!"
Akane then moved closer to the redhead and clung to her possessively, while slightly rubbing against the shorter girl suggestively, this of course makes Ranma slightly nervous, not being used to public displays of affection, much less when it involves two girls.
"No Kuno, we don't love Saotome San either, we've fallen in love with each other, isn't that right Ranma-chan?"
Ranma tries to go along with the act, not quite as good an actress as Akane though.
"Um, yeah Kuno, I l-love a-Akane s-so you can just go leave us alone, we ain't interested in boys, okay!"
Kuno puts his head in one of his hands trying to contemplate what it is he is hearing.
"I Tatewaki Kuno 'The Blue Thunder' of Furinkan High school, can stand this injustice no longer!" he says striking an impressive pose,
"Huh, what the hell do you MEAN injustice, we got rid of Saotome San so why the hell're ya complaining you big retard!?" yelled the angry redhead,
"So deeply hath thou been affected by the sorcerer Saotomes evil lusts that thou hath cast away all thy affections toward the male gender, allow me to show you the purity of my love for thee, and free you from your unnatural attraction to one another!" Kuno finishes his speech by lunging towards the two girls and catches them both in a strong embrace.
"I TOLD YOU, WE AREN'T INTERESTED IN BOYS!!!" the two girls yell in unison as they punt him far into the heavens,
"Akane, that plan didn't exactly work did it?"
"No it didn't, I may have made it worse, sorry Ranma"
"s'okay, I kinda had fun playing him for a fool like that, he really is a clueless moron"
*heh heh, Akane just can't seem to keep her hands off of me, even when I'm a girl* She thinks turning towards the raven haired girl in question,
Akane blushes crimson.
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There, I fixed it, Ryoga's in character, and it's way more funny and stuff, now it's Akane who's OOC, poo, she's not beating up on ranma enough, but that is all due to her new found sensitivity and stuff, so don't complain, you mofo's! anyway this being the 3rd and final time I'm posting the first chapter, enjoy.
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This is my first fic so be kind, it is lime-ish, will write more if j00 liek eet.
luckychucky01@hotmail.com if you wanna dis' me.
* = thoughts so j00 not get conf00zed.
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Like events which happen all too frequently at the Tendo Residence, resulting in the pounding of heads with enormous wooden mallets, that is, the verbal onslaught that occurs between one pigtailed boy/girl and the violent kitchen destroyer, specifically Ranma eating one bite of Akane's cooking and trying hard not to retch the contents of his stomach.
"Awww MAN!! Your cooking couldn't possibly get any worse than this crap! Whadya put in it? sulfuric acid or somethin!?" Ranma complained loudly,
"Ranma you JERK!! You know how long it took to cook that for you!? Why can't you be nice and encourage me for once!?"
"Okay, way to go Akane! This industrial strength paint thinner tastes great!!"
*WHAM!*
As the sound of wood meeting bone echo's throughout the house.
-------
Later that evening Ranma is sitting on the roof talking to himself.
"That kawaiikune tomboy, why does she make me eat stuff that she knows doesn't taste no good, then she acts surprised when I tell her it's horrible, what does she want me to do? Lie and say it tastes good when it doesn't, liked she'd believe that while i'm keeled over grasping my stomach in pain"
*But you know she's trying her best to please you* Says a little voice in his head,
"Yeah maybe she does try, but... ...How else am I spose to react? 'well done Akane that tasted like shit but hey at least your trying' that'd just sound sarcastic"
*...*
"There's just no way of pleasing her, not matter what I do I just keep sticking my foot in my mouth, maybe I should just give up on her"
*But you don't want to, do you?*
"How the hell should I know? I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me as much as I like her, she made THAT perfectly clear right from the start"
*So what will you do now?*
"I don't know what I'm suppose to do, I just know that things can't continue on this way"
At that very moment a shooting star shot across the sky.
"I just wish I could somehow let her know how i feel"
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Akane is in her room griping about the events of that evening.
"That stupid insensitive pervert! I know my cooking isn't very good but why does he have to be so mean about it, I try so hard and he just throws it back in my face!"
*At least he doesn't bash it in with a giant mallet* Says the little voice in her head
"HE DESERVED IT!!!"
*Just like he deserves to writhe in pain after eating your cooking*
"I don't do it on purpose! I just..."
*just what*
"It's not like I intentionally cook horrible food just to hurt him, I want to be able to please him but I just can't, that's why he's always going to Ukyo or Shampoo behind my back"
*...*
"Why, why does he stay, he's always complaining about how violent and uncute I am, how horrible my cooking is, so then why doesn't he just leave for someone who will obviously be able to make him happy"
*Do you want him to leave?*
"No... ...I just... ...Wish he'd be nice to me"
*The way he is around Ukyo?*
"She's just his friend, he's not really interested in her, 'I think' but yes, I do wish he'd act that way with me, when he's around her he doesn't bottle his feeling up inside like he does around me"
*You want to know his innermost thoughts and feelings*
She thinks about it for a while.
"....yes"
Just then a shooting star shot across the sky.
"I just wish I knew how he truly feels"
-----------
It's the following morning at the Tendo household and something strange is happening, though something strange always happens, therefore today is a perfectly normal day.
"Ranma WAKE UP!" Akane yells
"Euuuurrrrrrge" Ranma mumbles as he fights to remain in peaceful slumber
"Ranma! If you don't get up now your dad will eat your breakfast!"
"*snort* HUH! Wha, eurrge, must get up, must eat"
Ranma puts on his clothes and walks wearily downstairs after Akane and sits at the table as Kasumi brings the food to the table.
*Hmmm, wonder if I can get through the day without Akane beating the crap outof me or trying to feed me her so called food* He Thought
"What did you say!" Yelled Akane,
*Huh, did I say that or just think it*
"hmmph?" Said Ranma, mouth half full of rice, then swallowed
"what tha hell ya talkin about I didn't say nuthin!" He yelled
*Stupid kawaiikune tomboy, what's she angry about now?*
"What're you some kinda ventriloquist now!?"
"A ventriliwhat?"
*what the hells she talking about??*
*How's he doing that? OH SHIT! The wish I made last night, I can hear his thoughts! Umm, better not let on though*
"Oh {looks down at her hands) I'm sorry Ranma, I'm a bit on edge today, must be that time of the month" she said lamely
*Gee, I know how that feels* he thought
Akane begins laughing uncontrollably, Ranma looks at her, confusion written all over his face.
"What the hell's so funny Akane, you goin insane or sumthin?"
"No, I just realized that, you're the only guy I know who has explicit knowledge of what 'that time of the month' feels like"
"GEEZ TELL THE WHOLE WORLD WHY DONCHA!!!"
At this point Genma looks at his son with food hanging out of his mouth, a glazed over look in his eyes.
"Ranma.. ..you've had. ...periods??"
Ranma simply put his head is his hands and grumbled something incoherent.
*So it's going to be one of THOSE days, I guess I can look forward to a whole 24 hours of weird!* He thought, dreading the day ahead, as it looked to be a bad one.
Ranma quickly shovels as much food in his mouth as he can and leaves the house in a hurry, not wanting to hear about menstrual cycles or Soun's wailing, as he was leaving Akane got up and chased after him.
"Ranma wait for me! why're you in such a hurry"
"I'm not!"
*Geez if word gets out that I've had periods before I'll never hear the end of it*
"Ranma I'm sorry about what I said, I know you're sensitive about that kind of thing"
Ranma stops running and simply looks her in the eyes, looking a bit frustrated Ranma spoke.
"How'd you know about that, I've never told anyone"
*God I can remember the first time it happened in China, I was terrified*
"Ranma, I just, it was just a joke I didn't really know"
*At least not until you thought about it I didn't, I wonder what other secret's he has in that pea brain of his*
"Great, now everyone knows"
*It's not really her fault I guess, they would've found out sooner or later*
Just then he walks by a familiar old woman throwing water out onto the sidewalk, like always he is transformed into a beautiful young girl.
"Just great"
*You'd think by now I'd be smart enough to avoid that old woman*
Akane is surprised when she notices something peculiar
*His voice, I mean, why does the voice in his head sound like a girl, I thought he was a boy trapped in a girls body, so why do his thoughts sound different*
She ponders this question while she walks, Ranma has once again taken her position walking ontop of the fence along side the canal.
*Hmmm, I didn't really expect it to stay a secret for ever but it could've waited a while, like I need people knowin all my problems, especially girly problems like that (looks down at Akane) and how did Akane know about it, some wild guess, yeah right, hmmm, I wonder what's on her mind right now, I can tell that she's thinking about something, she sortof looks cute from this angle aswell*
*cute? Why would Ranma be thinking something like that, I'm never cute, at least not in Ranma's eyes*
*Look at her, now she's blushing, damn she looks sexy, wonder if it's me she's thinking about, and if she is, is it my boy side or girl side she's fantisizing about, gee, and she calls me a pervert*
*He thinks I'M a pervert??? Wait a minute. Sexy?? me, the violent, uncute, unsexy tomboy, SEXY??? Hmmm, time to have a little fun with him, her, whatever*
"Ranma, do you think I'm sexy?"
"What!? You sexy? No way! You're a big butch tomboy is what you are!"
*NO! Why the hell did I say that, stupid stupid stupid stupid, YOU ARE SEXY DAMMIT, man if you only knew how badly I want you, good work Ranma, good old foot in mouth technique, and now comes the pain, I might as well just dive head first into a mallet when ever I see one*
Akane starts giggling, Ranma simply stares at Akane with a confused expression, trying to think what to say.
*Man the pressure musta got to her, she's going nuts and it's all my fault, I finally drove her insane*
Ranma Jumps off the fence and stops in front of Akane.
"Akane what's wrong with you today, I just called you a butch tomboy and you're laughing, you're spose to get mad and mallet me in the head, are you feeling all right?" Says Ranma as she feels Akanes head to check and see if she has a fever.
*He thinks I'm sexy! He want's me! but. ..we'll never get anywhere if he can't open up to me* she thinks her head filling with conflicting emotions.
"I'm fine Ranma it's just...(blushing at the feel of Ranma's hand against her forehead) ...I just wish you'd be honest with me for once" said Akane wiping the tears of laughter/sadness out of her eyes.
Before Ranma can figure out the meaning behind Akane's words Tatewaki Kuno arrives to woo his loves with his manly charms.
"Ah the fair Akane Tendo and the beauteous pig tailed girl, I see neither of you are in the presence of the wretch Saotome, surely he fears my almighty wrath, come to me my loves and I will liberate you from his evil clutches!"
*Oh great, it's Kuno, I wonder what nonsense is gunna come outa his big stupid mouth today?
''KUNO!"
Ranma starts running towards the love struck kendo-ist arms wide as if to accept his loving embrace, and at the very last moment simply extends her leg kicking him square in the balls, he keels over in mind altering pain muttering something.
"aaAAaarrge, pig... ...nnnggrr... ...tailed...Grrlll *cough* my...nNNnnGGgrRe"
*Hmm, I used to consider being a girl a weakness, but that's one weak point I don't have to worry about... at least not now*
"c'mon Akane let's hurry or we'll be late for school, did you have the foresight to bring a thermos with ya? I could use one right about now!"
"Sorry Ranma, you left in such a hurry I didn't have the chance to bring one with me, oh and lets not hurry to school, why don't you walk next to me on the way there?"
*I just wanna see him squirm*
"Okay Akane but don't blame me if Hinako Sensei drains our chi for being delinquents"
*What's with Akane she's being... ...nice, not that I mind or anything*
Just when things were looking up Kuno grabbed both Ranma and Akane from behind after recovering from having his testicles crushed.
"Akane Tendo, pigtailed girl! No amount of suffering can deter me from my ultimate goal of dating thee both, not even the wretch Saotome with his evil magics can prevent me from*POW* Both Ranma and Akane have sent Kuno into the stratosphere.
"That pervert, hmph"
*Kuno is such an idiot, he hates me and loves me at the same time, and he want's to break me and Akane apart so he can date both of us, what a blind moron, if he weren't such an idiot he may have actually found a real girlfriend by now, I mean he ain't so bad lookin when he stops rambling on about bullshit.. Although it is kinda flattering, it's nice to know that if I gotta be a girl I at least get to be an attractive girl, even if it is to the wrong gender, hmmm, I know Akane can tell I make a cute girl, but I wonder if she finds me attractive like this....*
*That PERVERT, what's he thinking about!? Me attracted to his girl side???*(Begins blushing furiously)
*Oh man, she's standing right next to me, what I wouldn't give to just drag her into an alley way and, WAIT! gotta stop thinking about this stuff, I mean I'm a girl right now so I shouldn't be thinking stuff like this, it ain't natural, but then again, we will be married some day, and so she'll probably be curious. Whew good thing I'm a girl right now or else I'd be making a trouser tent right about now, hmm, I'm getting a little tingly down there though, NO! Must focus, must think about completely unrelated things like MARTIAL ARTS! Yeah, I love to kick peoples asses at martial arts, I'd love to do something with Akane's ass, certainly not kick it though, lick it perhaps...*
Ranma's mind continues to drift between Akane and other topics while trying not to let on that she's aroused, but since Akane can hear her thoughts, she is very aware of Ranma's current mental state.
*That sick sick PERVERT! he's DISGUSTING! ARGE!*
*Then I'd dribble honey all over her body especially her tits, and then slowly lick it off cleaning her entire body with my tongue and then i'd*
*STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! Damn it Ranma, stop thinking about it now I'm getting horny too!*
Akane beings to imagine the situations that Ranma is describing with her thoughts, suddenly a brief moan escapes her lips, the sound breaks Ranma from her reverie and she realizes that Akane is extremely aroused.
"Akane, what's wrong with you!"
*Oh my god she's horny, she, she wants me! I can see it in her eye's, she wants me to do her right now*
"Ranma please stop! I can't take it anymore, you're making me all wet! Don't, don't think about it"
*WHAT AM I SAYING!?*
*she's WET!? oh man I'm wet too, and it's rubbing between my thighs, why'd I have to wear boxers?*
"Akane stop what, I'm not doin nuthin!"
Akane begins massaging Ranma's breasts with her hands and rubbing herself against the smaller girls body, her hands seemingly roaming of their own volition, as she does this Ranma starts moaning at the sudden physical contact.
"RAAAANNNNNMMAAAAAA!!!" Yelled the eternally lost boy who coincidentally stumbled into view of the situation currently unfolding.
"What!? Oh! Ryoga, this ain't what it looks like honestly!"
"Ranma, for shamelessly molesting Akane, YOU, SHALL, DIE!!!!" He yelled as he launched an all out attack.
"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!"
Ranma used her superior speed to block all of ryoga's attacks and catch the flying rocks that emanated from ryoga's breaking point blasts, little did Ryoga know though that he was slowly being drawn into an ever tightening spiral.
*Stupid fucking Ryoga, what right does he have to be angry at me, he's the one sleeping in MY fiance's bed!*
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SLEEPING IN MY BED!!!!" screamed Akane, interrupting the fierce battle, the remnants of a hiryu shoten ha simply dissipating as the two fighters stared at Akane.
"RANMA! What the hell do mean by 'Ryoga sleeping in my bed!!!!????"
"Huh, I never said that Akane!"
"Ranma, what did you tell Akane!?" Ryoga pleaded, forgetting his earlier outrage.
"I didn't tell her nuthin I swear!"
"DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT!!!??"
*Oh my god if she finds out that Ryoga is P-Chan we're both done for*
"RYOGA IS P-CHAN!!? WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!!??"
"I was honor bound never to tell you, I promised him, and it's cowardly to reveal an opponent's weakness!"
*I felt so guilty about causing him so much pain, the only thing that ever made him happy was being your pet Akane, how could I deny him that meager consolation?*
"You let him take advantage of you Ranma, what about my honor huh?"
"And YOU! This is how you repay Ranma's kindness!? By sleeping with his fiancee, I HATE YOU RYOGA, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET LOST IN A FUCKING DESERT SOMEWHERE AND DIE!!!" Akane is yelling at the top of her lungs, at her whits end.
"Akane I'm sorry I meant to tell you but I'm just such a pathetic coward I really am a disgusting PIG!" cried Ryoga as he slumps to the ground in a sobbing heap, as he sobs a dark aura appears around his body, he looks up at Ranma and his eyes turn from sorrow into rage.
"I don't know how Akane found out my secret Ranma, but somehow...I JUST KNOW THAT IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! PREPARE TO DIE RANMA!!!"
Ryoga then braces his feet to perform his most powerful shi shi hokodan, and Ranma steps back in fear.
"what, what the hell are you talking about Ryoga, I didn't tell her nuthin I swear" said Ranma,
"Ranma! Run away he's guna kill you!" Yelled Akane,
"SHI SHI!*Crack!*Urk**" Ryoga was interrupted as the previously airborne Kuno fell head first into the lost boy, who was still barely standing, straining under the kendo-ists weight which pressed against his own skull, Ryoga seemed to be con cussed though still standing and eyes watering while Kuno simply looked at Ranma from his upside down position with no obvious change in expression.
"Um, Kuno?"
"Ah my pigtailed goddess, once again have I saved you from peril, this loathsome brute most likely one of the sorcerer Soatome's evil minions" Kuno said in his usual tone
Ranma, no longer worried about Ryoga, simply stares at Kuno dumbfounded.
"Um, Kuno, didn't that hurt? I mean you must've fallen a good few thousand feet" Ranma asked
"Oh pigtailed girl! You are truly concerned are you not! I, hmm, this is strange, I can't seem to be able to move, pigtailed girl, i..feel...sleeepy....." Kuno manages to utter as the blood begins to swell inside his skull"
"Hmm, weird" says Ranma simply, then grabs Akane by the arm and begins to run to school.
"C'mon lets go!"
*Gota get to school and quick, before anymore weird shit happens*
As they run from view Ryoga and Kuno can be seen as a silhouette in the background, looking like a human totem pole, a tumbleweed blows past as they remain completely inanimate.
------------------
Ranma, once again male sits at his desk pondering some things, while Akane listens.
*I just don't get it, Akane could never figure out Ryoga was P-chan before, so how did she all of a sudden KNOW about it, without anyone having told her, I mean I'd always call Ryoga P-chan, I'd call P-chan Ryoga, I'd say stuff like 'Oh P-chan is closer than you think' when Ryoga was around, there was the time when that girl Azusa called both P-chan and Ryoga Charlotte, there was the time Ryoga and P-chan had the same tattoo's on their stomachs, I did everything I could to help Akane figure it out aside from simply coming right out and saying 'hey Akane funny thing, did you know Ryoga was P-chan?' ALL THAT, and she still couldn't figure it out, so how did she come to the realization that Ryoga was P-chan without me telling her?*
Akane could hear the gears inside Ranma's head slowly turning trying to work out the puzzle. She felt she had to do something to curb Ranma's thought processes, for Akane knew that Ranma had a one track mind. Once he started thinking about something he didn't stop until he came to a conclusion. So she had to try and distract him, it wouldn't do to have her new talent realized. She had to observe Ranma's mind in it's natural state. If he were to be self conscious of his thoughts it would ruin the purpose altogether. So Akane did the only thing she could think of, and that was to come onto him, something completely out of character like that should shock him enough to make him completely forget what he was thinking about, and with that she stood up, walked over to him, and glomped onto him from behind his chair, he was so deep in thought he didn't even realize she'd snuck up on him.
"Urk!"
*Oh great, who's hugging me, I didn't see Shampoo come in here* he thought, it usually was the voluptuous Amazon who did the glomping.
"Raannnnma" Akane purred into his ear seductively,
"a-a-Akane?" he stuttered while she affectionately rubbed her breasts against his back,
"Akane stop doin that people can see y'know!"
*Great, this is the second time today she's gotten all weird like this, we're guna have to go to our next class soon and if Akane don't stop rubbin herself all over me I'm guna poke right through my pants*
Akane blushed and quickly let go of the boy sometimes girl satisfied that Ranma would be pondering her strange affectionate behaviour instead of wondering how she figured out that Ryoga was P-chan, though she had wanted to yell at him for not telling her, she decided to bite her tongue and let it blow over.
"Uh, umm, Ranma, do you want to see a movie after school?" Akane asked
*this will give me time to get close to him*
"Uh, sure thing Akane, heh heh" said Ranma as he stood holding his hand behind his head,
"Great! I'll talk to you at lunch Ranma" She said smiling happily
*Oh man, with the way she's been acting she'll probably want me to kiss her or somethin* he thought as the bell rang signaling to go from homeroom to their first class, he then looked back at Akane's happy grin as another thought entered his head.
*She is sooo cute!*
-----------------------
All during class Akane furiously wrote out notes, she took her new project very seriously, though she felt somewhat guilty about prying inside Ranma's head like this, it was all in the name of science, or chemistry rather, the chemistry between her and Ranma of course, she would write down absolutely everything about herself that Ranma either liked or disliked, as his thoughts would constantly linger on her, which she noted, made her very happy, that her fiancee was so enthralled by her, it wasn't often he thought of much else, although he would occasionally think about his other so called "fiancee's" but mainly to mentally gripe about the situation, as they tended to get in the way of his personal interests, and also Akane noted, caused many misunderstandings, which led her to one key point in her analysis, "Akane always thinks the worst of me" this she vowed, would change, after all, Ranma was always faithful, yet he received no praise for his efforts, only pain, the kind only a mallet can administer.
*I really am a bitch aren't I?* Akane thought, not too pleased with herself. She'd never seen herself through someone elses eyes before, and Ranma wasn't pulling any punches with his mental mud slinging.
----------------------
It's lunchtime at furinkan high school and Akane has gone outside looking for Ranma.
"Ranma.." Akane said in a small voice as she approached her fiancee resting against a tree,
"Yeah Akane?"
"Ranma, I'm..sorry.." she said in an almost whisper, her head downcast,
"Hey Akane, what's wrong, what do you have to be sorry about? Hey, don't look so sad" He said walking towards her so that he can comfort her
"Ranma, I'm sorry I never trusted you"
"Hey don't feel bad Akane, I never trusted you either, like the time you spent with shinnosuke, I was certain you'd left me for someone else, I don't think I'm any better than you are at being trustful, it's just your way of protecting yourself" He said while stroking her hair.
"Akane!"
Akane was jolted from her little daydream as she sat quietly next to Ranma.
"Yes Ranma?"
"What movie are we guna see?"
*Oh god I hope she doesn't wanna see a chick flick*
"We'll see whatever you want to see Ranma"
"Oh I heard about this Jet Lee movie called 'The One' it's spose to kick ass" He said enthusiastically,
"Ok we'll see that then"
As Akane and Ranma sat under a tree occasionally sharing idle chit chat and eating their lunch, Kuno chose to finally make his appearance.
"Get away from the fair Akane Tendo you fiend, and what have you done with the lovely pigtailed girl!?"
"Kuno, ummm, what happened to your head man?" Asked Ranma noticing the fresh bandages,
"Ah it is the result of an injury I acquired in my quest to free the lovely pigtailed girl from your evil clutches, yet you have her under your evil spell so as to prevent her from expressing her truest love for me, now cease this meaningless distraction and prepare to do battle!"
"Wait Ranma, I have a plan on how to get rid of Kuno for good, pick me up and jump over towards the swimming pool" Akane whispered in Ranma's ear,
"erm, okay Akane if you say so" said Ranma as he scooped Akane up into his arms and bound towards the school swimming pool,
"Okay Ranma now change into a girl" Akane commanded
"But why do I gota.."
"Just do it, it's part of my plan"
Ranma did as he was told and splashed himself with cold water from the pool transforming himself once again into a cute little redhead.
"Where has that coward run to! I wish to smite him! Oh, it is the beauteous pigtailed girl come to wish me luck in punishing the fiend Saotome"
"No" interjected Akane
"She came to visit ME, you see, we no longer love you Kuno"
"Ah! It is the fiend Saotome who has cast a spell on you both!"
Akane then moved closer to the redhead and clung to her possessively, while slightly rubbing against the shorter girl suggestively, this of course makes Ranma slightly nervous, not being used to public displays of affection, much less when it involves two girls.
"No Kuno, we don't love Saotome San either, we've fallen in love with each other, isn't that right Ranma-chan?"
Ranma tries to go along with the act, not quite as good an actress as Akane though.
"Um, yeah Kuno, I l-love a-Akane s-so you can just go leave us alone, we ain't interested in boys, okay!"
Kuno puts his head in one of his hands trying to contemplate what it is he is hearing.
"I Tatewaki Kuno 'The Blue Thunder' of Furinkan High school, can stand this injustice no longer!" he says striking an impressive pose,
"Huh, what the hell do you MEAN injustice, we got rid of Saotome San so why the hell're ya complaining you big retard!?" yelled the angry redhead,
"So deeply hath thou been affected by the sorcerer Saotomes evil lusts that thou hath cast away all thy affections toward the male gender, allow me to show you the purity of my love for thee, and free you from your unnatural attraction to one another!" Kuno finishes his speech by lunging towards the two girls and catches them both in a strong embrace.
"I TOLD YOU, WE AREN'T INTERESTED IN BOYS!!!" the two girls yell in unison as they punt him far into the heavens,
"Akane, that plan didn't exactly work did it?"
"No it didn't, I may have made it worse, sorry Ranma"
"s'okay, I kinda had fun playing him for a fool like that, he really is a clueless moron"
*heh heh, Akane just can't seem to keep her hands off of me, even when I'm a girl* She thinks turning towards the raven haired girl in question,
Akane blushes crimson.
------------------------------------------------------
There, I fixed it, Ryoga's in character, and it's way more funny and stuff, now it's Akane who's OOC, poo, she's not beating up on ranma enough, but that is all due to her new found sensitivity and stuff, so don't complain, you mofo's! anyway this being the 3rd and final time I'm posting the first chapter, enjoy.