I felt pain, pain so deep it vibrated through my whole body. Only after a few minutes did I realize this pain was not coming from me. That the blood that was on my hands and the small smile of triumph crossing over my lips as everything darkened wasn't me either. And the razor blade that my hands were cradling wasn't mine as well. But at that moment I knew who's it was and shock and fear ran through my own body as my mind was snapped back into reality.

I didn't even remember how I did it but the next thing I remember was running through the commons and people staring at me like I had finally gone crazy, like they all thought I would sooner or later. I felt small stabs of pain on my feet, only then realising I didn't even bother to put on shoes but I didn't care at the moment as I could feel half of myself slipping away. This only made me run even faster, I bounded past the matron of the dorm hearing her echoing shouts for me to slow down, but again that didn't matter all that mattered was her. When I got to the door I immediately tried the door handle, then noticing she would off obviously locked it, she wouldn't want people to interrupt her. With two massive bangs against the door and my shoulder screaming in agony, I was finally in the room. And there right in the middle was the most sickening sight I have ever seen. Lissa was surrounded in a pool of blood and I knew this time it had finally worked, this is what she had been blocking me out for all week. Lissa had killed herself and there was not even a try about it because I knew looking at her then, that she was nearly gone and one of the worst thoughts was I couldn't do anything to stop it happening. So I went to her and cradled her body to mine, not caring that her blood was soaking my top or that what I should have been doing is getting an adult, at that moment nothing mattered but her, because I know that I had to stay here. I wanted my face to be the one she left with, knowing that no matter what I would always love her. I heard her whimper something but failed to catch what she was saying, I leant down and strained my ears to here and managed to hear her last lines.

"I'm sorry rose I couldn't hold on any longer, if I didn't do this now, sooner or later the spirit would of, but so you know you will always be a sister to me and I never ever regret bringing you back from the car crash and if I did it again I would still pick you"

The last bit was more like a mumble but I could hear the words as clear as day. Then her body went slack in my arms and that was it. I knew it had ended, not just from seeing her but because it felt like I lost another part of me but unlike when Mason died, this was a huge hole, this would be a hole I would never be able to fill. But on top of that I felt a deep depression crushing me and I knew today Lissa hadn't only killed herself, she had killed me along with her.

I don't know how long I sat there still holding her to my chest before I heard shouting around me. But this time I didn't try and stop them from pulling me away from the dead person in my arms, I didn't try and protect the person I had sworn to protect for my whole life because now she was gone what was there to protect. I slowly looked up and saw faces swarming around me, I could see they all knew Lissa did this but I could also tell they were concerned why I wasn't talking, not even moving. This wasn't the Rose Hathaway who would fight until death; this was a dead Hathaway who was only here in body. This was until I saw Dimitri run into the room; I could see his eyes quickly assess the situation but there was a hidden look in his eyes, they were searching for something. That was when he saw me and he took in my entire body wondering why I was just sitting there and not fighting like I had with Mason, but then he looked into my eyes and I knew what he finally saw and that was nothing, no life, no fire and no spirit to live. He walked over to me and picked me up asking me questions but I blocked it all out. All I could hear was the faint hum of conversation everywhere but I didn't bother listen because what was the point.

Kirova said I could take the whole week of which I accepted, I don't remember accepting but I guess I did because I'm not in class right now. I knew people blamed me of the death of the last Dragomir, saying that she was scared that her life was in my hand and that I wasn't a good enough guardian so why risk her life when she thinks she's going to die anyway, when I'm around. But I knew most didn't but for once in my life I didn't care. The only reason I knew they said that was because Christian had given them third degree burns. He has become a sort of protector me since she died, making sure no one hurt me. He just didn't know that there was one person who he couldn't stop from hurting me. Me. I only went down to meals because either Dimitri or Christian would pull me down to the canteen, but I didn't eat and even if I did, in a few minutes I would throw it all back up so what was the point.

It's been a week since she died and the funerals tomorrow and I know that I won't be able to live without her. Not only because she was my sister but because I can't feel her anymore, all I feel is emptiness. So I decided that I couldn't go on any longer, Lissa was all I had left and without her I can't become a guardian, protecting someone I probably don't like and I know if I stay like this much longer I might turn Strigio by choice and then I would disrespect the memories of me for everyone. But I will write a last letter with one more wish and the feelings that I can't keep hidden any longer. So tomorrow will be a double funeral, for the last Dragomir and her sister, best friend and guardian Rose Hathaway.

I finish writing the letter and lay it on my pillow knowing someone hopefully Dimitri, will find it because I wanted this letter to change everything, I want it to change people's lives for the better, I want someone else to have what I couldn't have. So after my last depressing thought I pull out a stake I stole and get the aim to pierce my heart with it. I had been thinking of wear and how it would be best to kill myself and I finally settled on the heart because that was what had been broken over and over again and always did the most damage to someone, but also a stake to kill the monster I had become because maybe I wasn't Strigio but I had become a monster by hiding in the depression and pain. So I want to remember something happy, something that will make me do this, so I pick up a picture I had taken at the Ski lodge just before Mason died. In the picture was me, Lissa, Christian, Dimitri and Mason, in that picture I look so carefree and I wonder how my life had changed so much when in fact it has only been a few months. So here I go and do my last final act of bravery plunging the stake deep into my heart and twisting it to make sure there was no way of living. Slowly feeling my life slip away but this time it's mine not someone else's and the blood that is on my hands and the excruciating pain coming from deep inside me is mine.

And I know I said I would die with a happy memory but I know today that I died alone and that for once it doesn't feel so bad.