"SO MANY DICKS."
"Erm?" Integra muttered, looking up from the news paper she was reading. She saw her beloved butler, Walter C. Dornez standing in front of her desk, obviously looking quite distressed.
"'Too many dicks'. Goodness, wherever did that come from?" Integra asked, her eyebrows raised.
"Well, I have kept quiet about this for too long. There's too many dicks in this building, and not enough clits."
Integra's mouth gaped open. She could not believe that such words could possibly be uttered by someone so elegant and sophisticated as Walter.
"EXCUSE ME?"
"Needs moar tits." Walter said, sitting down.
"You'll be fine." Integra muttered. "What the hell has gotten into you, Walter? You've never said anything like this."
Walter said nothing, his expression like a stone figurine.
You're idiocy has given me a headache. I need a fresh supply of nicotine. Give me a cigar." Integra muttered, lying her head on her desk.
"Tits."
"WHAT? That has nothing to do with my demand for a cancer stick." Integra snapped back.
"Simply put, I haven't had sex for AT LEAST 15 years or something. I'M FRUSTRATED, DAMMIT. You never let me leave this damned building. I'm doomed to masturbating to cheap porn videos your late father had hidden away. Cheap bastard."
"GOD DAMMIT, WALTER. TOO MUCH INFORMATION."
"Tits. Tits are the answer." Walter said.
"We'll see what we can do." Integra said, "NOW GET ME A FUCKING CIGAR"
And that explains why Alucard turned Seras into a vampire. Because srsly, Seras has no other purpose than to make sammiches and provide endless hours of masturbation to lonely men. Which is Walter. Greedy bastard.
The End
WHAT A STUPID, OBVIOUS STORY I WROTE, AMIRITE