Because I say so
By Amanda aka MrsPunk/Snapemaniac
A/N: Inspired by my own blogentry, thoughts and feelings and a certain person who inspired to all of that.
So you can say he inspired this whole thing. J.
Keep in mind, I wrote this story at 5 am.
Disclaimer:Tsah! I don't own the characters; if I did they wouldn't be dead!
Sirius is sitting on his bed in his dormitory, all by himself, just thinking. And all of this is from his point of view.
I think I'm falling in love. With him. With Remus. Oh, damn him and his charm, and his sense of humor and his fluffy hair.
And his sexy biting. He'll never feel the same way about me, and here comes depression.
He's leaving in a week; moving far away. School's over, I'll never see him again.
I could easily move with him – I'm free and unemployed. But I don't think he wants me to.
He makes me feel so sexy, wonderful, and happy.
I wish I could make him feel the same, maybe I do, I don't know but I don't think so. As if I would have that effect on him.
I want him more that I can admit to, even to myself.
I can't tell him this; he'll just leave and never come back. Never talk to me again.
I hope he still keep in touch. I don't want to hope, but I can't do anything else.
It's all his fault. Why does he have to be so wonderful?
It already hurts too much, I have to stop thinking about him – I think too much about him.
Damnit, I don't want to fall in love. Not now, not with him – he's leaving me soon.
I'll never see him again. I don't want to remember this; I just want to remember that when he sleeps, he smiles.
And he's so cute. With his fluffy hair.
I want to remember the impulses that make our relationship, this one – not our friendship.
I want to remember that I, newly awakened and still in confusion, thanked God that I meet him. That I had been with him.
Oh, God. If I told him this, he'd move away right this second and never look back.
I feel pathetic. I, Sirius Black – pathetic.
At the same, I want to tell him. I want him to know.
I've been trying all day to work up a little courage to tell him; ask what he wants out of this relationship.
Does it end when he moves away or can we still see each other? There are always trains. And I have the spare time go on trains.
I can't ask; not that I'm afraid that the answer will be that it ends when he moves.
I can take it – I think. I'm more afraid that he'll never talk to me again.
That he will think I'm stupid for believing that this relationship means something.
I just want an answer, why can't I ask the bloody question?!
I want to know if all we have is a few days, or if there's more or if there could be more in the future.
I remember when we went for a coffee last Monday.
I spent all time watching his perfectly shaped lips and wondered what it would be like to kiss them.
I've never felt that comfortable with a person before. No one. Not even James.
A relationship with me, who would want that? Barely I would want that.
Ha, talk about bitterness. It's my past that is the foundation for that.
Nobody loves me, I'm kind of like Snape.
God, that's gross. No, I'm nothing like Snape. He's all alone and pathetic, I'm not.
Wait, I am. Damn. No, I'm nothing like Snape. He's never gotten laid. I have. With Remus.
In my head I call him Sexgod; I would never say it out loud. He might get a bigger ego then.
Remus.
I like it when he's being a tease. And bites. Despite the unflattering marks that he left on me.
And I like that he's smart, but doesn't make me feel stupid.
I like his fluffy hair, sexy eyes, perfectly shaped lips and incredibly sexy ass; even that is perfectly shaped.
I like that he's really a little nerd, but too darn cute for people to notice.
I like the way he looks at me when we're alone, touches me, makes me feel sexy and wonderful.
How does he do that? I have to ask. Maybe someday I will.
He was my first; it was wonderful. Not romantic, but passionate. And fun.
He made me laugh, as he teased me. He's good at that. Teasing. And biting.
I had a hard time explaining to James why I had bitemarks on my neck.
The door opens. It's Remus; he's smiling.
- Why are you sitting here, all by yourself?
He comes to sit next to me on the bed. I can smell the heat from his body. I think I just got delirious.
I can't keep it to myself anymore.
- I think I love you.
Remus looks away.
- But you don't love me.
Remus turns his to face me again.
- I do. But it'll never work out.
He loves me?
- You do love me?
- Yes, but as I said it'll never work out between us.
- I don't care. I would rather have tried and failed, than to never had tried at all.
- It's not that simple.
- It is. You're the one who's making it complicated.
I kiss him. He tries to break the kiss at first, but then he returns it.
- I love you, Moony. And it will work out. It has to.
- Why?
- Because I say so.
The End
So…what do you guys think? Have I gotten better or worse, or am I still the same?
Too short, too long, too confusing? Did it make any sense at all? Did you hate it, love it or feel anything about it?
Please review :D and I'll love you eternally.