Hi, everyone! Shadowblade217 here, welcoming you to my DBZ parody, Savior of Demons Abridged! Now, before anyone accuses me of parodying the story without permission, I've already spoken to Ryu no Ohi, the author of Savior of Demons, and she has given me full permission to write this parody.

Now, my intention in writing SoD Abridged is to do something similar to Team Four Star's DBZ Abridged, as if TFS had done a parody of this story. So, if this seems to reference TFS very often, that's why.

First of all, I want to thank Ryu no Ohi for allowing me to write this parody; I hope I can live up to the standard she's set.

Please note that the time-scale for this story may not always match that of the full story, especially since each SoD chapter is very long; therefore, each Abridged chapter could cover the events of a full chapter, or only cover part of a chapter and end at a point that was in the middle of an official story chapter. Just saying that now so everyone already knows.

Also, with regards to characters' names, I'm spelling most of them the way they're spelled in the actual story. I decided to point that out now, because the names of some characters (Tenshinhan instead of Tien, King Kold instead of King Cold, etc.) might confuse some people.

Now, without further ado, on with the story!

.

Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT and their respective franchises are the property of Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama. Savior of Demons is the property of Ryu no Ohi. Please support the official and unofficial release.

.

Savior of Demons Abridged

Chapter 1: Invasion of the Lizard Men (No, Really)

Frieza, ruler of most of the known galaxy, was one of the most terrifying beings in existence. He dominated a massive empire, destroyed hundreds of planets, and wiped out entire races of innocent people on nothing more than a whim.

One day, on a planet known as Namek, this tyrant met his match in a true being of legend; Son Goku, the Super Saiyan.

After having the stuffing kicked out of him by Goku, Frieza kept trying to kill the Super Saiyan, even after it became clear that there was no way he could win. To that end, he hurled a pair of razor-sharp ki discs at Goku… and somehow ended up cutting himself in half with his own attack. Clearly, this was not his day.

But even then, Frieza was not defeated! Defiant, even in the face of death, he… begged his opponent to give him some of his energy, something which no rational or sane being fighting an evil galactic warlord would ever do, under any circumstances.

Miraculously, Goku actually gave Frieza some of his energy, enough to keep him alive, so that Frieza could escape the dying Planet Namek and live to fight another day. Instead, however, Frieza… inexplicably chose to use all of the energy he'd been given by firing another energy blast – which he should have already known wouldn't work – at Goku, for no reason whatsoever. Yeah.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, this didn't work; Goku repelled the Arcosian's blast easily, severely injuring Frieza in the process. Goku somehow managed to escape the planet before it exploded, leaving Frieza for dead.

Somehow, however, Frieza still managed to survive, a sign that somebody had to be looking out for him. He was recovered by his father, King Kold, and made his way to Earth on a quest for vengeance…

.

The large, circular spaceship cruised into the isolated star system, rapidly approaching the third planet from the sun.

Housed within the expansive bridge of the vessel, a group of armored alien soldiers stood at attention. They stood behind a huge, ornately designed throne, overlooking a large viewport that offered a breathtaking view of the planet.

"Ah, there it is," the massive alien seated on the throne said calmly, smiling faintly to himself. He held a large wine glass in one hand, and tilted it, swirling the liquid around. "The home of the brute who dared to lay hands on my son." Such as he is, anyway… he added in his head.

"Yes, Daddy," a much shorter figure, standing next to the throne, replied.

"What a pretty little blue pearl it is," King Kold commented. "What was it called again? Ee-arth?"

"Actually, it's pronounced Earth, Daddy-Daddy-Daddy-Daddy…" A spark flew from the mechanical portion of Frieza's head, cutting off the loop he'd been momentarily stuck on.

"But there's an 'A' in it," Kold pointed out. He sighed, taking a sip of his wine. "I'm just going to keep calling it Ee-arth."

Frieza shrugged fractionally, smirking. "It doesn't really matter anyway. Soon it'll have a brand-new name." Red arcs of electricity crackled around his eyes. "Vacant Lot."

.

"Son of a bitch!" Vegeta, prince of the Saiyan race, slammed a fist down on the table he had been leaning on. Surprisingly, the table didn't break, but the glass of juice he'd been drinking tipped over, rolled off the table and shattered on the floor.

"What, still mad about the shirt?" Yamcha asked from his chair. He was referring to the shirt Bulma had laid out for Vegeta; it was bright pink, with the words BAD MAN written in black across the back. Unsurprisingly, Vegeta had not appreciated it.

"No – well, actually, yes, I'm absolutely livid – but that's not the point!" Vegeta glared up at the sky as his hands clenched into fists. "That idiot Kakarot failed! Frieza's still alive!"

.

Far to the north, Tenshinhan and Chiaotzu stood on top of a snow-covered hill, looking up at the sky with fearful expressions.

"Chiaotzu, do you feel that?" Tenshinhan asked, all three of his eyes wide in alarm. "There are two enormous power levels approaching the planet!"

"Yeah," Chiaotzu said anxiously. "You know… the last time something like this happened, I blew myself up."

"Yeah, I was going to ask you to hold off on that one this time," Tenshinhan replied.

.

With a roar, a large portion of a glacier shattered, tons of ice crashing to the ground.

Piccolo hovered above the collapsing area, observing the destruction he had unleashed approvingly.

"See, now we just have to carve out an area, and then we can start building the – hey, do you feel that?" Nail's voice asked inside the Namekian's head.

Piccolo's eyes widened in shock. "Frieza?!" he yelled in horror. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Okay, I'm right here; please stop yelling!" Nail snapped.

.

"Oh God, Gohan, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him!" Krillin whimpered over the phone.

"Krillin, try to calm down!" Gohan said urgently. "Now, are you sure it's him?"

"Gohan," Krillin said, "once you've had a man inside of you… you know when he's coming!"

There was a long moment of silence.

"Umm… okay," Gohan said. "I'll… meet you there, then. Uh… bye." He hung up the phone and blinked several times. "Well, that was weird."

Then Gohan shook his head repeatedly, snapping back to the situation at hand. "Mom?" he called. "Where's my Saiyan suit?"

.

"Woman!" Vegeta hollered to Bulma. "Where is my Saiyan suit?"

.

"It's under your bed!" Chi-chi called back.

"Thank you!" Gohan hastily removed a box from under his bed, pulled on the armor he'd brought back from Namek, and flew out of his bedroom window.

.

"It's in the wash!" Bulma yelled back.

"You bitch!" Vegeta put the clothes she'd given him back on – a white T-shirt, yellow pants, and the ridiculous pink shirt – while grumbling the entire time. He stormed out to the balcony and launched himself into the air, hurtling off into the distance in a flare of blue light. Yamcha followed close behind.

.

After flying for about thirty minutes, Vegeta and Yamcha touched down in the area where Vegeta had estimated that Frieza's ship would land.

"All right," Vegeta said grimly. "Judging by how fast his power level is moving, he should be here in about–"

"Hey, I need to talk to you about Bulma!" Yamcha said.

"You cannot be serious!"

"Look, all I'm saying is, we're dating, so it would probably be a good idea for you to–"

Vegeta turned to face him in disbelief. "You are actually doing this right now."

The sound of a jet engine alerted them to the arrival of a small, lightweight plane. Bulma hopped out, calling, "Hey, guys!"

"Oh, great!" Vegeta commented sardonically. "And she's here too! Why don't all of you idiots start showing up?!"

"Hey, Vegeta!" Krillin called out, landing alongside Gohan.

"I was f*cking kidding!" Vegeta yelled.

"Tenshinhan! Chiaotzu!" Yamcha exclaimed as the two other humans landed a few yards away.

"Good, looks like we got here in time," Tenshinhan said, discarding his tweed robe to reveal his usual fighting outfit of a white tank top and green pants. "Oh, hey. Vegeta?"

"What?" Vegeta asked irritably.

"Nice shirt."

"And there it is!" Vegeta growled. "Now all we need is the Namekian, and we'll have the whole potpourri of pathetic!"

"Uh, been here the whole time, actually," Piccolo pointed out from where he stood a short distance away on top of a hill. His white cape fluttered in the wind.

"What do you want, a medal?" Vegeta asked sarcastically.

Piccolo's eyes narrowed, and he turned dismissively away from Vegeta. "Nice shirt."

"Kiss my ass, green man!" Vegeta snarled.

"Yeah," Piccolo continued, "it's the kind of shirt that really screams–" He was cut off abruptly, as he snapped his head up, looking at the sky. He whipped around to face the others. "He's coming!"

And, as if the Namekian's words had been a signal, the massive ship came into view, descending gracefully through the clouds. As it glided over the warriors' heads, a powerful gust of wind bore down upon them, swirling around the group.

Majestically, the vessel cruised past them, finally slowing to a hover about half a mile away.

"He's landing over there!" Krillin cried.

Then, to their surprise, the ship began to move slowly back towards their position.

"Wait, now he's pulling back!" Piccolo called.

"No, now he's…" Krillin paused in surprise, as the ship started moving away from them again. "Going… back that way."

And then the ship moved back towards them again.

Krillin frowned. "What's he doing?"

.

"Daddy, we can park anywhere we want!" Frieza protested.

"Now, son," King Kold reminded him as the ship finally settled to the ground, "if this is anything like that jockstrap incident, we don't want to get boxed in!"

.

"So, has anyone else noticed that there are two huge power levels on that ship?" Krillin asked, voicing what most of the group were already thinking.

"Yeah, it's probably his dad," Vegeta said grimly.

"He has a father?" Yamcha asked in horror.

"Makes sense," Piccolo said. "Everyone has a dad…" He frowned. "Except me."

"Ha!" Vegeta laughed. "Your dad's dead!"

"So's yours," Piccolo retorted.

Vegeta laughed again.

"So, essentially, we have an opponent that my father could only beat after fulfilling an ancient alien prophecy, and another opponent who's even stronger than that one," Gohan summarized. "Does anyone in particular know exactly what we're doing here besides trying not to lose it?"

"Guys, we are so screwed, I don't know what we're gonna do!" Yamcha babbled frantically. "I mean, this is completely crazy! Why did I come here again?! We're going to die! I don't want to die again, dying once was bad enough! Oh, my God!"

"You know," Krillin commented, "if he weren't doing it, I would."

"We don't need Kakarot or anyone else," Vegeta interrupted, smirking. "You have enough badass Saiyan on your team as it is. Now, if you'll excuse me, you can all just sit on your hands while I go up there and take care of business."

"Or," Gohan suggested, "maybe we could hide our power levels, sneak up closer to them, survey the situation from up close, and, perhaps, catch them by surprise?"

Vegeta glanced at him. "Y'all are bitches."

.

Once the ship was in place and the troops had disembarked, Kold and Frieza strode down the ramp onto the ground outside.

"Well, son, is this what you were expecting?" Kold asked.

"My god, this is droll," Frieza muttered, glancing around at the wasteland where their ship had landed. "We're so far out in the space di-di-di-dicks, there's not even a Space Radio Shack, much less a Space Best Buy-Buy-Buy-Buy…" Another spark of electricity crackled from the mechanical portion of his head, and he finished, "Circuit City."

Kold glanced down at him. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, Daddy, just processing," Frieza replied.

Kold smiled faintly. "And wouldn't you know it; no place to buy more RAM."

Frieza took a step forward. "But I won't lie, Daddy; I'm absolutely ecstatic. When that filthy monkey arrives back on the planet, he'll return not to the smiling faces of his dear friends and family… but a total, unadulterated genocide." More red arcs of electricity crackled around him, and he clenched his hands into fists until blood seeped from between the fingers of his left hand (which, considering that his left hand was made entirely of metal, was quite an accomplishment).

Quite suddenly, however, Frieza stiffened, freezing in his tracks as his eyes locked onto something. "No…" he hissed, more lightning crackling around him. "No!"

In his mind, a whisper passed through him, as an image of the Super Saiyan materialized in his thoughts. A haunting whisper echoed through his mind.

"Pizza…"

"No!" Frieza snarled. "Not again! I'm going to kill you, you wretched, impudent, primitive-tive-tive-tive-tive…"

"Frieza!" Kold snapped. "There's no one there; what are you yelling about?"

"Monkey!" Frieza finished, snapping out of the momentary daze with another spark from his head. He shook his head repeatedly, looking out at the landscape, but no one was there. "Sorry, Daddy. I'm… I'm fine."

Kold raised an eyebrow. "Really. Because that didn't look 'fine' to me." He sighed. "Oh, well, whatever. Now, before you had some kind of breakdown, you were saying something, I think? Something about genocide?"

"Oh, right," Frieza replied. "Sorry. Anyway, as I was saying. Speaking of genocide…" He smirked, then called out to his men, raising his voice. "Soldiers! The scavenger hunt will now proceed as such. Normal human heads are worth one point. Namekian heads are worth twenty. Filthy half-Saiyan brats; fifty. And if you find any miserable, odious, insubordinate, full-blooded monkey garbage… you win." He waved a hand. "Well? Off you go!"

"Yes, sir!" the soldiers chorused, before launching themselves into the air.

.

"Oh, crap!" Yamcha yelled. "Here they come!"

Vegeta's eyes narrowed. "All right; let's do this!"

Krillin groaned. "We're gonna f*cking die!"

As one, the group rocketed into the sky, closing in to intercept the alien soldiers.

Vegeta laughed maniacally as he hurtled into the mass of soldiers, slamming a knee into one's gut with enough force to pulverize his rib cage. Grinning, the Saiyan prince fired an energy blast, incinerating two more soldiers.

"Now, this is more like it," Vegeta chuckled. "I haven't gotten to kill anything in way too long."

.

As the Z-Fighters continued to pick off the alien soldiers one by one, Frieza and Kold remained by their ship, casually watching the fighting.

"You should probably do something about them," Kold observed. "They seem to be stronger than our soldiers can handle."

Frieza shrugged. "Why should I care?"

A moment later, the last soldier vanished in a flash of light, an explosion, and an abbreviated scream.

"You know that was our last minion, right?" Kold said.

"Oh, who cares?" Frieza replied. "We have more at home!"

"No," Kold retorted. "I mean, now we have no one to fly the ship!"

"I can fly it!" Frieza argued.

Kold's eyes narrowed. "Son, we do not fly ourselves; flying is for the help!"

"Fine," Frieza muttered.

"Now, you go out there and deal with them; I'm going to call Space Triple-A and have them tow us, thank you very much!"

Frieza's eyes narrowed. "Whatever you say, Daddy. I've been itching to kill something all day-day-day-day…" Another spark, and he finished, "Week." With a snarl, he kicked off the ground and launched himself towards the Z-Fighters.

.

AN: And here we are! Hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter; the next chapter will cover the rest of SoD's Chapter 1, showing the fight between Frieza and the Z-Fighters.

I always enjoy getting feedback from my readers, so if anyone has a comment or question about this chapter or the story as a whole, please review! (No hate, please; that's not fun for anyone).

See you all next time!