Letter To The Editor/Author: Ok, so first things first I need to explain how I have interpreted your story. First is your choice as to how the village was destroyed, not to point fingers or say anything that may hurt, but I assume you either rushed development of a plot, or just couldn't think of a way to do it. Two, an ending to work too. I'm not sure if it's just the few I know or the way mant good stories are actually written, but they usually work out the ending before they start the middle, I'm not sure if you have done this but I am sure you have an idea. Three, length. as i stated, a chapters length can often draw a crowd. So without further explaining my actions here is my shot. Feel free to use it, feel free to tell me off, I'm here to help however.
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Ruins, smoking ruins. A village once stood where now it is not but smoking piles of stone and wood. The aftermath of one unspeakable Forbidden Jutsu called forth by the only one without the conciounce to tell him otherwise. Orochimaru, using a shadow clone, obliterated the entire village. None left to even sorrow over the loss of such a great empire. Or so, To his thought.
From a pile of rubble, emerges a young boy clad in bloodstained clothes. His wounds barely recovering from all the damage they incured. He snaps his neck back to a comfertable setting and stretches the rest of his body. His dazed look nearly froze to utter defeat as he lay eyes upon his home, now nothing but smoke and rock. He bit his tongue as to avoid screaming to the heavens. His fist nearly met the ground when a small noise of rocks moving got his attention. A wounded hand was revealed and he quickly dashed over to uncover the still living victim. After moments of heaving rocks and calling to the unknown victim. Moments later Naruto had unburied the victim to her face sorely beaten by the rubble, It was Hinata. Naruto quickly uncovered the rest of her body and pulled her to safety. He inspected her wounds and identified she had broken her leg. He cut his sleeve off and began to wrap the damamged ligament. Hinata shuffled in pain as he did his best with what little medical knowledge he had.
A few more minutes later and Hinata completely woke up. Her vision was adjusting to the new flow of blood and the dull light of the new apocilyptic Konaha. Before she could even ask why Naruto answered.
"Orochimaru did this" His voice held a low growl.
"W-where is everyone else?"
"Dead I'd assume. Our friends, our families. Everyone we ever (Explitive) cared about!"
"N-Naruto..." Hinata had never heard him use such profain language, even in blind rage.
"Don't get up, your injured" Naruto looked over his shoulder at her leg, Her eyes followed.
"There has to be others. I'm sure if we just look-"
"There's no one. I've had my clones dig up the whole village. Kakashi managed to survive the blast but he didn't last longer then that. He told me we had to leave. now"
"Now? But to where?"
"I don't know!" Naruto nearly yelled in iritation. Hinata winced in shock. "I'm tired of not having th answers! Kakashi just said that Orochimaru would hunt us down like dogs if he found we surivived. We just have to hide and find a new home!"
"How can you say that. I don't believe this. Orochimaru destroyed our village, the very town you live in, and hoped to one day become the Hokage for. And...And now your just going to run and hide?"
Naruto turned and raised a fist to strike Hinata. She closed her eyes and held an arm up in defence. Naruto was holding his fist back and biting his teeth together. His anger was inveloping him and disiring to express itself so much as to take control like this?
"No, I'm not running. I'm not hiding! I'm going to kick his ass. I'm gonna kill him, for everyone in the village! For Sakura, For Konahamaru, Even Sasuke!" His eyes met Hinata's frightened ones. "And for you, You had family, And he took that away from you. Nothing permits anyone harming your family" Naruto let his fist go, and took a deep sigh. "Come on" He knelt down to offer Hinata assistance with her wounded leg. "We gotta go. When we hit the next village we can start a plan"
Hinata nodded and placed her arm around the back of Naruto's neck and rested her hand on his shoulder for support, the lifted herself ready to walk.
After gathering what supplies they could from any avilable place left in town, Hinata and Naruto bid farewell to their once proud Leaf Village and began on a road to nowhere. Only the next village would bring them some solice, but it was days away...
After nearly 6 hours of walking Naruto and Hinata sat at roadside for a rest and meal. Naruto was not looking any more relaxed then the start of the trip. His frown was worn as though it was his scar from the attack. Hinata noticed that Naruto did not seem to have a single mark from the attack, yet her face and body was bruised and cut all over. Naruto had offered her his jacket, saying that he knew how a women needed to be keep presentable, but she declined, saying she was ok.
"6 hours, and no village yet. Thankfully we brought camping supplies"
"Hmm" Hinata nodded. "But it's not safe out here, someone will need to keep a lookout"
"I'll do it, your in no shape yoou worry about anyone but yourself right now"
"A-Are you sure Naruto?"
"Not like we can walk up to any old stranger and go 'hey you m,ind watching us well we sleep in a cozy bedroll?' right?"
"I-I guess your right"
"Come on" Naruto seemed to soften up some since the trip had started. "Cheer up, I know it's hard to smile after what happened, but if we both keep this up we are gonna lose sleep over it"
Hinata just stared at the ground infront of her. Visions of her family passed before her as a single tear fell from her eye.
"I know your family wasn't the best you could have. But they loved you, you had a place you could call home. You had a lot more then me. I know what it's like Hinata, so please. not another tear" Naruto placed his finger on her chinf as he wiped the next tear from under her eye.
"B-B...But everyone is gone"
"I'm as confused as you are. The best we can do right now is remember everyone of them and hope to avenge them. Ease up and get some sleep Hinata we have a long trek ahead of us tomorrow"
"Naruto..."
"Sleep, I'll make sure no one hurts you"
Hinata just peered into his eyes, hers were shaking with fear and fatigue. With only one blink she felt it all come down on her and make her body heavy. She hit the pillow softly and drifted into a deep slumbor.
"Shadow clone Jutsu" Naruto summoned four clones and looked at them feircely. "Ok ,make sure no one comes near us, and most of all, protect Hinata! Got that"
"Yeah, yeah. Jus go get some sleep. We'll keep you safe" A clone replied mockingly at first, but reassured Naruto that's they'd do thier job right.
Naruto rolled into his bed roll and glanced at Hinata once more before falling into his weary state of sleep. The clone patrolled the area with silence perfection into the deep darkeness of the night.
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I'm leaving it open like that manly for the clinger crowd. people complain aboout cliffhangers alot but it's how you keep the readers going from chapter to chapter. So here's my try. I'll agree not much longer, but I was losing sleep over this and I have a job in my life and not much time to write or think. If you want to use it go ahead, ust give me some cred and maybe we can co-write this thing together. up to you. good luck either way. Any comments by the readers, please direct them to me, if my identification of how the crowd here works is flawed, I'd like to improve.