The wind was cold, oh so cold. The streets were lined with snow. There was more snow falling down, making a veil, blurring sight, sucking the color out of everything. Or was that just the pain, or was it the sorrow. Duo walked slowly, getting used to the cold. He was wearing rags. He was on earth. Heero was dead. He, Duo, had let his love die. One minute he had been there, fighting, the next… He didn't want to think about it. No! I have to think about it! He didn't notice that his tears were freezing to his face. He walked on, limping. My leg's broken. Ah well, it won't matter soon.
To anyone who saw him, Duo looked like some poor beggar looking for shelter from the wind and the snow. He was headed towards the river, but not directly. In this place people cared if someone wanted to end it. He thought about what he'd done, what his life was like. How could I! How could I let myself love him!
Duo was back on L2; he was 5 again. He was at the Maxwell church/orphanage. He was tugging on Sister Helen's gown. He was trying to tell her that bad men were coming, that they needed to get out. That was when they all heard the first shots. Sister Helen sent him away; sent him to get the other children out, get them to safety. He ran as fast as he could, but it wasn't fast enough. He got to the playroom and he would have thought that other children were just sleeping but for the blood that spattered the walls and the floor. He looked up to see many men with his doom in their eyes. He ran, but this time it was for his own life. He got hit with the power wave from the explosion and when he looked back at his home, it was just ashes and flame, ashes and flame. Later he searched the place and found the bodies. He stayed there for days, though it felt like years. He stayed there until the police came to investigate. Then he ran.
I'm always running. I killed everyone. Everyone I love dies. He was almost to the river, but he didn't go directly. He was going in a zigzag path. Why do I kill everyone I love? He remembered Quatre and Trowa; he remembered Wu-Fei as well. He had failed them the same way he failed Sister Helen and the others. He was guarding the door to a control room that the three were in. He shot a guy that was aiming for Heero and a guy slipped in behind him. He didn't notice that an officer had gotten into the control room until he heard the shots. He and Heero went in and fount their fellow pilots lying in puddles of blood. Duo had frozen then. Heero blew off the officer's head. There too it was my fault. I let the guy past! Why must kill the ones I love!?!
Then he thought of Heero, his beautiful Hee-chan. They were fighting the last battle. Duo saw a MD coming up behind his love and tried to warn him but the radio wasn't working. He didn't hear, his suit was pierced by the MD's beam saver, the MD pulled up, ripping the angel* in half. It imploded. Duo finished the battle and, when he looked again at Wing Zero and Heero, he just saw ashes and flame, ashes and flame.
Why must I kill the ones I love? Because I'm the devil, because I'm the god of death, because I'm Shinigami.
He jumped into the cold, fast moving river, and, with the last of his consciousness, thought:
I will never see the tunnel to the light of god.
End
* Wing Zero custom is the Gundam that's being used in this.