Disclaimer: Stargate is not mine and I will return it when I'm finished and all the characters will return to their boring lives where no one is getting any…work done!!!!
The Road Not Taken…
The tires squalled as Carter peeled out of the parking lot in her Camino and disappeared down the road.
"Don't stop Samantha, don't look back." There was the voice again—the same voice that made her realize what she was about to do.
She had zoned out by the second mile and her knuckles were turning white from her death grip on the steering wheel. The car picked up speed with every second that passed. She was pushing 50 then 60 and was soon flying at 85 miles an hour as she passed the gas station.
The first few seconds of this daring trip were met with hesitation, but now she was determined to do this—she needed to do this. Nothing was going to stop her, not the rain or those who would've stopped her if they had known.
Her foot was on the floor and the engine roared as she drove through a yellow light and two stop signs.
"Don't stop Samantha—what ever you do don't stop!" The voice was screaming at her now—not letting her ignore it.
As she neared the on ramp to the highway she pulled the car off onto the shoulder and tried to catch her breath—fighting against the river of tears flowing from her eyes. She dried her eyes with the back of her hand and wiped the mixture of tears and mascara on her dress. She didn't even notice the stain it made on the white material.
"You did the right thing, keep going, what ever you do just keep going and everything will be fine once you get there…you know you did the right thing Sam, pull yourself together!"
She grabbed the steering wheel and forced herself to take a deep breath—then drove the car back onto the road and took the exit for Colorado Springs. She watched each sign as they passed overhead, trying anything to keep her doubts at bay. But it was no use—nothing could keep her from remembering how she got here, on this road, on this day…
NINE MONTHS AGO…
Carter sat in the cafeteria eating when Daniel approached and sat across from her.
"Hey." She said a little less exuberant than usual.
"How's everything going?"
"Oh you know… up to my ears in planning..." Carter said faking a smile.
"Well, that's expected. I spoke to Teal'c--said he wanted to get you some type of traditional gift…it sounded scary. So I told him to just get you a flower vase."
"That's Teal'c…" She said biting her sandwich.
"So he hasn't said anything?"
"Not since he found out …he said he was happy for me but he sounded weird…like…I don't know…almost like…"
"He was lying?" He said taking a bite of his sandwich. A second later he realized what he'd just said and his eyes grew two sizes. "Was that out loud?" He asked with a mouth full.
"Yeah, it was…what did you mean by that?"
"Ohm… nothing, just thinking out loud again—it's a disease."
He didn't have to explain it; Sam got his full meaning when he said it the first time. She had just chosen to ignore it.
BACK IN THE CAR…
Carter tried to keep herself calm as the rain came down harder. Staring through the raindrops she remembered the day when she tried to tell Jack the news. She wanted to tell him face to face…but fate had intervened…
"You know?" She asked shocked that he was so cavalier in his response. "Who told you?" She continued as she followed Jack into the elevator.
"Oh come on Carter, you know this place…one person finds out and everyone knows…"
"I wanted to tell you personally…"
"It's fine… really…I'm happy for you…"
She knew it was a lie then, she didn't have to wait for Daniel to tell her.
The smile on his face was fake through and through--the corners of his mouth did that twitching thing when he lied. For a moment she wanted to call him on it and dig for the reasons…but as usual…she let it go.
BACK ON THE ROAD…
"Stop thinking about that! It's not going to help you now! Just focus Sam, you have to remember why you are doing this." The voice was clear and true, but the memories surfacing in her mind were stronger.
SIX MONTHS AGO…
She hadn't planned to leave the SGC or the Air Force. It was just a six--week vacation and she'd be back at work and back into the swing of things…everything would be back to normal…
"So… you're coming back…" Jack said unconvincingly as he walked into his office with Carter slowly following him.
"Well, Sir…that's actually why I came in today…I've been thinking about it and-"
"No."
"Sir?"
That's how it began. Five seconds later his office door slammed shut. She knew she had no right to say what she had said—it didn't matter if it was true…
"Look--I'm leaving. I'm already gone and if you think for one second that you are going to ever so slightly hint at what ever use to be between us and think that it's going to keep me here-- you've got another thing coming! I found someone who loves me. He says it every day! I am not going to throw it away because you want to keep me around on the off chance that you might be able to deal with what ever the hell it is you think you feel for me. I DO NOT CARE!"
After that she stormed out of the office—only stopping to grab her box of personal things from her lab and then she was back on the elevator. She punched the button and looked up. Jack was running at her full speed—He actually called out her name, but she let the doors close…that part of her life was over.
BACK IN THE CAR…
The tears were streaming down her face, mixing with her makeup and stinging her eyes. Her face was getting hot and her hair was falling out—but she pushed on.
The rain had slacked off into a heavy mist as Jack O'Neill sat behind the wheel in his truck staring at the window shield—just as he had been doing for the last six hours.
He knew he should have left a long time ago. He just couldn't bring himself to start the car. It took him forever just to get to the truck and force himself inside. He had to go back in the house for things he forgot…his tie was first, and then his phone and his watch… sunglasses…the gift… but once he was in the car it was all he could do to sit there and not take out his frustrations on the steering wheel.
"You coward… you have no right to be doing this…" He chided himself through clinched teeth. He was sick and tired of this game and turned the key in the ignition. The engine roared to life. He couldn't put the truck in gear, couldn't move a muscle. It wasn't going to happen—he resigned himself to that much at least, but he still couldn't get out of the driveway. He reached for the keys and pulled them from the ignition. Submitting to defeat, he let his head rest on the back of his seat and closed his eyes. "You Idiot…"
MEANWHILE…
Daniel paused before turning the doorknob and shook hi head—this was not going to be easy. He walked in and saw Jacob Carter and Pete talking and laughing as they tried to fix their ties. The two men had finally come to a common ground and the Air Force General was tolerating the young man's existence in his daughter's life—for the moment. As Daniel walked toward them Jacob and Pete fell silent—he looked like he'd just been gut kicked.
"Danny, what's wrong?" Jacob asked laying his hand on his shoulder.
He avoided eye contact with Pete and stared at the floor—then looked over at Jacob. "Sam left." He said softly.
The color drained from Pete's face.
"She what?" He said, an awkward smile dancing across his lips--praying he had misunderstood.
"She left Pete." He looked at him now and saw what he had wanted to avoid—a man ripped apart.
"Where the hell did she go?!" He yelled. But he didn't wait for the answer. He ran from the room and through the church until he crashed through the front door. Her car was gone.
Daniel had expected Pete to take it like this—but Jacob was calm, as though he expected it. As the two men stood in silence, General Hammond walked in—Daniel saw it as an opportunity to exit.
"I'm going to go find Teal'c." Daniel said leaving the two men to an inevitable conversation.
"She's gone?" Jacob asked Hammond.
"About ten minutes now." Hammond said, his voice clear and steady.
"Did she say where she was headed?" He was already loosening his tie as he spoke.
"Do you really have to ask that?"
"No- I don't." He took off his coat and leaned against the windowsill as he rubbed the little hair he still had on his head.
"It was always going to end like this Jacob." He wanted to tell Jacob that he saw this coming—but then he would have to answer why he had never done anything about it.
Jacob knew he was right. A part of him knew that this was going to happen—just not today.
Carter had been driving for an hour now and her nerves were near their breaking point. Her exit was coming up…almost there…
Once she cleared the exit she was driving down the last stretch of road before she would turn off onto the dirt road. She had slowed to a snails pace now--fear was setting in. Her hands were shaking but she had managed to stop crying.
The last turn on the dirt road was the finals straw—and she found herself straightening in her seat as the house came into sight.
She drove pass the driveway--thank god the house was far enough back from the road that if she parked beyond the drive way that he wouldn't be able to see her.
Parking under the tree, she looked out across the front yard.
"It's now or never kiddo." She heard her mother's voice echoing. Now she knew she was doing the right thing
She got out of the car with a renewed sense of strength and headed for the front door then thought that he would be out back. She made a b-line for the back yard only to find it empty—and wet. Her feet were soaked from the wet grass. She looked down at her satin shoes and saw that the bottom of her dress was soiled form the mud—it would be ruined before this was over. She headed for the back door walked into the living room.
"Hello?" She called as her voice echoed in the empty house.
"He's gone" she thought, "All this, and he's not here."
Her heart sank and she was about to run back to her car but she remembered the deck on the roof…
She climbed the stairs, ripping her dress along the way. He wasn't there either.
She sat alone a top the roof in an old fold up chair that she had brought up there the last time he had a cookout.
She felt the tears stinging her eyes once again and gave into the sobs as she leaned forward and let her head fall into her lap her hands falling to her side.
What was she going to do know? She'd never get to tell him the truth…
She was lost in her own thoughts and didn't hear the foots steps on the stairs behind her…
He walked softly trying not to make a sound and stopped beside the chair.
"Hey." He said softly.
She turned in the chair and was to her feet in a second.
They both meant to speak. They meant to say everything that was going through their minds… but all they could do was stand there…
He smiled in disbelief…was she really standing there in front of him or had be fallen asleep in his truck?
She tried smiled through the tears that were streaming down her cheeks but it only brought more tears.
He was the first to break the silence.
"You're here?" His voice was anything but steady as he tried to speak.
"Yeah, I know…" she pulled her hands together in front of her and started fidgeting. "I was just driving…and…"
"You wound up…here."
"Presumptuous?" Her forehead wrinkled on command.
"No." She still couldn't read his eyes. There was a mixture of emotion in them that churned like the ocean.
"Good."
The tension was building, almost forcing them a part now.
Jack took a few uncertain steps and put a few more inches between them. The intimacy of the situation was getting to be too much for the both of them.
He was struggling with his words and almost had to force them out. "It's good that you didn't…do it." he said shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Really?"
"You saved me the trouble… of …driving…I couldn't get out of the drive way…"
"Surprised?"
"Oh… you know…I'm about even right now…"
"Oh…"
"Did you… leave…because…" He was shifting his weight from one foot to another as he tried to hold himself together.
"Yeah…I did…"
"Wow—Really?" He had been looking down at the deck but his eyes snapped back to her when he realized what she had said.
"Yeah…"
"Wow…"
"I know…"
"So…you're here…" He was repeating himself but a part of him had to make sure.
"Uhhuh." She was fumbling too, she still couldn't think of anything to say that was over two words.
Silence fell between them again. Both of them had thought about this moment for as long as they could remember, but it was completely different when it came down to it. Years of denial and suppression couldn't be reversed in a second...or could it?
"Carter?" He whispered.
"Yes?"
"I don't know how to do this." He said suddenly motioning between them.
"Me either." She replied-- a little too quickly.
"Good." He said letting out a deep breath.
"I have an idea…"
"Lay it on me." He said feigning excitement.
"Call me Samantha." Her features softened now, the tears drying and her eyes were sparkling.
"First step kinda thing huh?" He said, shifting his feet again as he ran his hand over his head.
"There's always one…"
"Yeah…well…uh…Samantha?"
"Yes?'
The words were right there on the tip of his tongue but still couldn't say them, not matter how much he wanted to…
He fought with his inability to speak and then decided to take another approach. "Ah hell." He crossed the space between them and pulled her in his arms.
She was startled at first, but relaxed in his arms as his lips melded with her own. He couldn't himself to break away from her but soon they both hovered mere inches from one another.
"I've never been good a those step by step programs…" He was breathing heavy now as he reached to brush her hair from her face.
"You always have had a way of seeing things more…simple…" she said smiling—this is what she had expected.
His fingertips traced her jaw line as he lifted her chin so she looked into his eyes.
"I love you." He said softly. "You know that right?"
"I always knew."