Fight and Rejoice
What happens when two explorers from the same guilds get into an argument in Etria's famed pub? An Etrian Odyssey short.
Kerplonk! Splash! Dunk!
The Golden Deer Pub was at full-force tonight. A dozen patrons of explorers surged through the pub like a sea of dead-fish and ravenous labyrinth sea-rats. Discovery stench of dirt, grime, and sweat engulfed the pub, a familiar stench among Guild Justice and Guild Armistice. Even old Jerkin' no-nose, a pub regular, wrinkled at them in acknowledgement.
A burly man sporting a 'stache and fluffy, woolly garments slammed his heavy arms on the counter. "Heyy, baby!" he said, eyeing Valerie, the publican. His eyes sparkled as bright as the glass mug she was shining. "How'a bout that date with 'tha Gunna'?"
"Buvon." she said unfazed, "You shouldn't refer yourself in third person, dear."
"Whyy not, Val?" he said. He turned to his guild-members. "You know', Vall'y. This ol' 'tha Gunna', got us into the third stratum! Eyyy, boys!"
His men cheered; including the women, and a young lad in his late teens stood up, "Yeah! Free beer for everyone! It's on me!"
He was quickly slapped down by Geronimo 'Bow-legs'. "Shut yer pie-hole, greenhorn! You knew' you ain't got tha' cash!"
All around laughs were heard, and the teen stood back up, reddened. "Yerr, right," greenhorn said. "But who gives a rat's ass! Ya' can kiss my fat ass!" he stood atop a table, bared his bum, and slapped it at Geronimo. More laughs around.
"Siddown, kid!" Geronimo said, gritting. "Or else!"
"Huuh? Else whaaat?" Greenhorn said, and slapped his behind over and over. "Ayyye, Geronimo! I can't hearr you over this ass-slappin'!"
"Greeenhooorn!" Geronimo screeched. Geronimo thrusted himself at the teen, crashing into a newly-broken table, generating many cheers and whoops. The greenhorn stood cheekily, shaking his uncouth junk in the air as he balanced one-foot above Geronimo's head. The battle between the young and old had begun. Already, members were placing bets on the victor.
Valerie gasped, readied in motion, but halted into Buvon's out-stretched arms. "I'll pay for the damages." he said. "So, now, about that... date."
"In your dreams," Valerie said.
Another crash of broken tables and chairs were heard, Valerie struggled harder into his arms, the encore increasing. Buvon chuckled. "...You want me to make them stop?"
"Please!" she said.
Buvon cleared his throat, "Boyyyss!" he boomed. "Calm yer lady asses down, ya hear?" No response from the group. "...Or no payments for anyone this month!"
Immediately everything halted. From the looks of it, even the appendage on greenhorn's person seemed to have shrunken a tad bit. "Geddup." he interrupted. "Val'y here's gonna serve a storm of beer tonight!"
As if nothing happened, everyone rejoiced.
A/N: That was fun. Well, there's a short!