Cartman POV
There he is. The kid I have hated all these friggin' years! The kid that calls me fat every day. And now…now I'm walking up to him because I need his advice and a place to stay because my mom just died. And now I have no one. Clyde Frog has been gone for a while now. Mr. Kitty ran away. So why am I walking up to Kyle for help? I was just crying, too, because it is—was—my mother, dammit! Oh, fuck! I miss her! I miss her condescending words and how she would call me pooky and feed me meals even though I didn't treat her well half of the time because of who I am as a person. Kyle, though, would say I'm a sociopath. Except my therapist told me not to call myself that, and I wondered why when Kyle was the one who called me that and I just learned to accept after all these years that I am.
When he sees me, I say, "Kyle, can I talk to you for a minute?" and I try to keep my voice calm even though I was just crying minutes ago.
I know he can tell I was, too, which is humiliating. Absolutely humiliating! And I will not be humiliated! I am the coolest kid in this town, even though in my head I don't think that, and I know Kyle definitely doesn't think I'm cool.
"Uh, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I guess." Kyle looks like I have a plan, though, so he asks, "Why do you want to talk to me? You hate me. Remember?"
Yes. Yes, I know I hate you, Kyle. I think in my head. Thank you for reminding me. I need your help, though, you fucking asshole! I don't let him hear those words, though.
So instead I say, "You're…you're just really good at advice and stuff."
Does he think I'm up to something? Probably. He looks like he is wondering what I'm up to, exactly. Kyle, I don't even know! I'm just hurt, alright? And I could use your…advice. So those words rung true when I said them, yeah. He still doesn't look convinced, though. And I don't blame him after all these years.
"You? Why would you need advice? You tell everyone you're the smartest kid in this school, so why—"
"Kyle. I just really need some advice right now. Okay? Yes, I know I'm the smartest kid in this skewl, but that doesn't matter right now."
"School." Kyle corrects me.
What is he correcting, though? He sounds like he's trying to correct me, but I am confused.
"What?" I look at him, confused on why he is repeating a word I just said.
He looks frustrated and just says, "Uh—n—never—mind."
"So can you give me some advice, Kyle?"
"Uh. I—I mean, I guess."
"My mom just died."
"Oh."
"Gee, Kyle. Thanks for all the fucking support."
"Well, it's you. N—nevermind. I—I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. You—you're just always—"
"Yeah. Yeah. I know, Kyle. I just didn't know who to go to, you know? Especially since no one in this skewl likes me that much."
"I thought you said everyone thinks you're awesome and cool."
"Yeah. I say that," I tell him, "but I know the truth."
Because I do. And for once I'm not tricking him.
I actually do need Kyle's help.
Kyle POV
Stan walks up to me during the school break and asks, "Why were you talking to Cartman?"
"His mom just died."
Stan let out a big, "Ooooooooh."
"Yeah. And…and then…and then he needed some advice."
Stan looks surprised. "Cartman asked you for advice?"
"I know. Weird, right?" I say.
"Yeah. Why did you give it to him? He's always a dick to you. And me. Just 'cause I like animals doesn't mean I'm a hippie. Isn't he sort of a hippie since he's, like, homeless now?"
"I mean. He did look pretty beat up. So do you think I should help him?" I ask Stan curiously.
"Dude. I don't know. What if he's setting you up?"
"Dude. You think he'd do that just after his mom died? Use something like that just to get to me?"
"Uh. Yeah. It is Cartman." Stan reminds me flatly. "I wouldn't trust him, dude. Besides, would your mom even let Cartman sleepover at your house for a few nights until he sorts stuff out?"
"As long as he doesn't call my mom a bitch." My teeth grit angrily at the thought. "I think she'd be cool with it. He looked really beat up when he came to me, dude."
And all Stan says to that is, "Don't say I didn't warn you."
Cartman POV
"Okay. Hey—hey, Cartman! Wait up!"
School is almost over. Kyle is calling over to me.
"Oh. Hey, Kyle. What's going down, Jew-Boy? Heh."
"Were—were you crying?" he asks me out of curiosity. And I'm not sure why. Especially when he's seen me cry before. I know I don't cry that often, but I don't know why he cares! Or if he cares! Maybe he's just curious if me—Eric Cartman—was crying! Hah!
"No. I just had something in my eye," I lie lamely, "that's all! I don't cry because I'm cool."
Then Kyle suddenly says, "I—I know you're cool, Cartman."
The fuck? The fuck did I just hear?!
"Y—you do?"
Holy crap! What did I just hear from Broflovski's mouth?! D—did Kyle just say I was cool? Like, did I hear those words just come out of his mouth? I swipe my eye with my hand so I wouldn't look like I was just crying because of my mom, even though I know Kyle has seen me crying before, but it was totally lame to cry in school like I was doing. And I definitely did not want Wendy to see me in the shape I am right now or any of the other kids. That would be totally humiliating.
"I mean. Cool people can cry, is what I mean," Kyle says so he doesn't sound like he is being too friendly towards me, is what I'm guessing. "Stan came up to me and told me that this was all just a plot against me."
Oh. Of course that's what Kyle had been thinking! That I would trick him! God fucking dammit! Just…just god dammit! I can't believe it! I'm crying and he doesn't believe me. Of course he doesn't! I mean, I cried the last time Kenny died and he saw me! And I tricked him! Is this why he is looking at me like I might make a plot against him if I stay at his house because I have nowhere to go? Oh, man! Oh, man! I just know that if I ask anyone else in this skewl that they won't let me because they think I'm a giant fucking dick. And so does Kyle. Which I don't understand at all.
Then I'm blurting out, "Why? I'm homeless! A hippie! I've got nothing! And my mom's dead. Mr. Kitty ran away, too! And my stuffed animals are murdered from before so, what have I got, really? I'm seriously. What have I fucking got?"
And it's all out of honesty. I swear it!
Then Kyle is saying, "Hey. Hey, Cartman." He's trying to console me because he's got such a good heart. He's done it before, and he's doing it again for some reason. He says, "You can stay with me tonight if you want."
My eyes widen after I heard him say that. "You're—you're seriously?"
"Yeah. I'm seriously. Just…just don't call my mom a bitch or do anything bad. Okay? I mean. I know your mom just died and all, but if you do anything against me—"
"You don't have to worry about that, Kyle. I've got my backpack and there's not much I can hurt you with."
Kyle POV
I don't know if I should believe him, but he looks pretty beaten up. And he was just crying. I…I know he didn't give a damn when I was crying and in the hospital, but my mom didn't just die. So I figure I'll help him out, because I am just that kind of person, and I hope he doesn't know that and he's just taking advantatge of me, which he probably is. But I have kicked his ass before, and I'm willing to do it if he is plotting something even if he'd have to live in a cardboard box without my help. He really isn't good at the money stuff since he's only smart when it comes to deceit.
"Okay. But if you call my mom a bitch just one time, then I swear—"
"Yeah. Yeah, I know, Kyle. You'll kick my ass." Cartman smiles at me.
All that's going through my head is, Why is that fat fuck suddenly smiling at me? Because it, honestly, looks really freaking smiling. At me.
"Oh. I—I'm sorry. Kyle. I'm just really happy I won't be a hippie for the night."
"It's cool, Cartman. You can ride the bus with me."
"Alright. Cool." He smiles at me.
I smile back. And…and we're smiling at each other! So I let my smile go, and then just look at him impassively. He's still smiling. All he has is his backpack, and he still looks sort of beaten down even though he's smiling because he won't be a hippie for the night, as he said to me.
I think this is going to turn out bad.