Whose Line is it Anyway? : A Kenshin Parody written by Torrent
Disclaimer: I don't own Whose line or Kenshin. I just wrote this for fun. No sue please!
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Authoress' note: Okay, a lot of these characters, especially Kenshin cuz I couldn't think of anything better to do with him, may be totally out of character, but please don't get mad. I'm tryin my best, this is my first fanfic! ::sniffs::….okay that's enough of that. Enjoy!
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::intro music starts up and the camera quick-pans on familiar faces ((I.e. Kaoru, Misao, Yahiko))
Torrent- Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to Whose Line is it anyway. The improv show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. I'm Aiyero Kirahore and I'm hosting live from……my estate! Let me introduce the improvers for today! First we have….everyone loves him! Kenshin Himura!
Kenshin- ::waves::
Torrent- I can't stand the sound of your breathing, Sanosuke Sagara!
Sano- ::gives 'rock on' sign:: Yo!
Torrent- It's not you, it's me, Hiko Seijuro XIII
Hiko- ::raises a glass of water in greeting::
Torrent- And last but not least, Enishi Yukishiro!
Enishi- ::peace sign::
Torrent- Okay well the way the game works is these players have a scene or situation to act out off the top of their heads and the winner gets to do something with me! ::looks around::
::Sano mockingly crosses his fingers and Hiko gets up to leave but Kenshin tells him to sit down::
Torrent- Just joking….Anyway, the first game is Whose Line. Yeah we have a game the same as our show title but that's beside the point. Okay this is for Sano and Kenshin. The scene you will be playing is…Sanosuke is a heroic gladiator fighting for his freedom ((in a historically inaccurate film)) and he is trying to raise the spirits of his panicking fellow gladiator, Kenshin. Begin whenever ya want guys!
::Sano and Kenshin take two strips of paper each::
Sano- ::making a sound like a trumpet::
Kenshin- What was that? W-what was that?
Sano- Oh that's just me making trumpet sounds.
Kenshin- Well don't do that!
Sano- Well I like to get hyped up.
Kenshin- Oh we're gonna die!
Sano- Come now. We're gladiators. ::says that in a buff voice::
Kenshin- Well look at you, you're all buff!
Sano- That's right! ::puts a hand on Kenshin's shoulder:: Keep your spirits up. Put on your……..metal ..dress…
Kenshin- It's so hard to keep up with a metal dress on. ::acts like he's putting on a metal dress::
Sano- I don't want to lose today. I don't want him to give us the thumbs down. I want the emperor to look at us and say, ::takes out a piece of paper:: "My name is Bill, I like tight panties." ::looks around for a second:: Well put them on!
Kenshin- Can we have a little practice round?
Sano- ::laughs heartily:: You want to fight me?
Kenshin- Well just as a practice I've got a new war cry.
Sano- Really?
Kenshin- Yeah! Tell me if it strikes fear into your heart. ::acts like he has a sword, pulls out a piece of paper:: GIVE IT A SQUEEZE AND CHECK IT'S WORKING! ::acts like he's stabbing Sano::
Sano- I don't think you're aware of the fact that, we may die tonight…
Kenshin- ::high, panicky voice:: Give it a squeeze and…
Sano- No…..
Kenshin- ::deep voice:: Give it a, give it a squeeze and…
Sano- D'you think the lions are gonna fall over and have a little giggle at that?
Kenshin- Wait, wait lions? What's with the lions?
Sano- Well who did you think you were fighting?
Kenshin- Two little guys?
Sano- No! That's when they release the lions and the crowd jumps up and goes ::takes out paper:: "Look at me! I'm tiny!" 'Cuz they are tiny compared to those lions and they're big!
Kenshin- ::looks disgusted:: What a stupid crowd! You know, I'm getting mad! I'm feeling the urge to fight!
Sano- that's right ::makes the trumpet noises again::
Kenshin- Stop it, don't do that.
Sano- No it's not me this time! Let's go. ::walks out and makes crowd noises::
::audience claps::
Sano- How do you feel?
Kenshin- you've filled me with great pride, good Gladiola. And if I do die in battle, please give my mother…this simple message…..::takes out paper:: "THE CHICKENS ARE COMING! THE CHICKENS ARE COMING!"
::audience laughs and the buzzer sounds, the two of them take their seats::
Torrent- Great job! A thousand points to each of you. That was outstanding. Okay the next game is called Party Quirks. This is for all four of you. Hiko you'll be the host and the others will randomly come it at the sound of my buzzer. Sano, Kenshin, Enishi, come get your cards please.
::boys come and get their cards then go stand on a step::
((Sano- angry sperm looking for an egg; Kenshin- President Clinton; Enishi- going through all the stages of getting drunk))
Torrent- Okay boys, begin when you hear the buzzer and you'll enter on cue of the doorbell. Take it away, Hiko-sama. ::rings doorbell::
Hiko- ::holding imaginary sake cup:: I guess I'll get that. ::walks over to the steps:: Well hello, My stupid pupil. Come on in.
Kenshin- Hello young American. ::shakes his hand::
Hiko- ::sweatdrop:: Okaaaay….
Torrent- ::rings doorbell again::
Hiko- ::sighs and walks over to the steps again:: Hey Sano. Join the 'fun'.
Sano- WHERE IS SHE? :: waving his hand back and forth at the small of his back, bent over slightly, running around::
Hiko- ::blinks:: Who?
Sano- DON'T GIVE ME THAT! THERE WERE ABOUT TWENTY THOUSAND OF US BUT IT'S JUST GONE DOWNHILL FROM THERE! DO I GOTTA DRAW YA A DIAPHRAGM?!?!?
Hiko- I see…..I can't say I feel your pain but-
Torrent- ::laughing, rings doorbell::
Hiko- . I guess I'll get it again….Enishi. Come on in. What's one more face at my house?
Enishi- Hey there how ya doin'? ::holding an imaginary bottle of…some….beer:: Me? Oh I've been jusht great thanksh….
Hiko- I didn't ask….
Sano- ::is running around still screaming about looking for 'her'::
Kenshin- Oh Hiko you don't mind if I smoke do you?
Hiko- ::dumbfounded:: since when do you smoke? But no go right ahead…
Kenshin- How old are you?
Hiko- ….. You must be President Clinton.
Torrent- ::buzzer:: Finally….
Kenshin- ::takes seat quickly::
Sano- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!?!?!? I'M GONNA FIND HER ONCE AND FOR ALL, @?$#!* IT!
Hiko- I'm afraid to ask but are you an angry sperm lookin' for an egg?
Sano- Yeah! ::runs to seat::
Torrent- Good guess ::rings buzzer::
Hiko- ::looks at Enishi:: What the hell are you man?
Enishi- ::glazed expression in eyes:: I love you. You're jusht great! You're….::acts like he's blowing chinks and throws himself on the ground::
Hiko- uh….I guess you're steadily getting drunk….
Enishi- ::nods and hurriedly takes his seat::
Torrent- I guess nothing gets past you! ::buzzer::
Hiko- ::nods self-praisingly and takes his seat, pouring himself some water::
Torrent- Okay! I'd give you all a million points but the don't matter so why bother? Let's see….I guess next we'll do World's Worst. This is for all four of you. Everyone get on the World's Worst step and wait a sec….okay. You guys'll be showing us the world's worst TV sitcoms. Okay whenever you're ready.
::boys gather on the second to last step in a line::
Sano- ::steps forward, speaking softly, demonstrating as he talks:: you put your right foot in, you take your right foot out…you put your right foot in, now you try.
Kenshin- ::steps forward, places a hand at his temples, also speaking softly:: ::sighs:: We're now entering round thirty-six…of championship dominoes……
Sano- ::walks to the camera pressing his face to the screen:: Hi and welcome to another exciting episode of 'You're Sitting Too Close'!
Enishi- Hi and welcome back to 'Things your Cat Can't Swallow!'
Hiko- Hello and welcome to a 3-Hour Hoedown.
Enishi- ::walks up to the camera, also frighteningly close:: Hi and welcome to 'What's up my nose?'! ::pulls his nose up::
Hiko- Welcome back to the 24-hour sumo marathon
Torrent- ::rings buzzer:: Okay that's quite enough now. 500 hundred points to Sanosuke cuz the ladies love the way he walks. And it's time to declare the winner! And that of course is Sanosuke just because I love him!
Sanosuke- ::stands up and holds his hands out in a 'who were you expecting?' position as the crowd cheers::
Torrent- ::claps loudly: Oh yes, ::pushes her black hair back:: I guess we'll move onto everyone's favorite game, the Hoedown!
::audience cheers::
Torrent- Accompanying us on the piano will be Megumi Takani. The theme will be…..a great vacation place. Audience?
Audience- ::simultaneous talking, 'the beach' is heard::
Torrent- Okay then! The theme will be the beach! You all will sing a hoedown about the beach. Take it away boys.
Megumi- ::starts playing the Hoedown theme::
:: Enishi and Sano do-si-do as the music starts up and Hiko is thinking of a rhyme while Kenshin stands there thinking::
Hiko- ::clears his throat and steps up:: Not too long ago I took a trip to the beach.
It cost a lot of money though , the travel agents a friggin' leech
Man it was great…you understand?
Now I've got an awesome tan and I'm even more the ladies man.
::girls in the audience scream Hiko's name and faint as Torrent rolls her eyes and says something inaudible as the music continues::
Sano- Well I went to the beach last week- I really caused a panic!
People jumpin' from there blankets, fallin' off their hammocks
Man they were yellin'…..they were screamin' at me….
I guess I shouldn't have worn…my tiny thong bikini….?
Kenshin- I must say that I've never been to the beach.
Because I live in Tokyo it's not quite within reach.
However from the stories, that I have been told,
That even in the summer that waters much too cold?
Enishi- I went to the beach with Sano and boy was it fun.
He took off his shirt and everybody else was done.
We got a house there, an apartment that we leased-
He was being pushed in the water by some guys from Green Peace!
Boys- ::in chorus:: Some guys from green peace!
Torrent- ::laughs:: Well that's all the time we have for you today! You all've been a great audience! See you next time on Whose Line is it Anyway!