A Deal's a Deal :)
Ste
I wake up in a hospital with no clue as to why; how did I even get here? Doug is by my side and he is clinging on to my hand like his life depended on it. I thought someone else would be here, but I guess I thought wrong. I notice the shiny silver ring on my finger and it feels alien to me, like it shouldn't be there and the more I see it the more I don't want it to be there. For a day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, turned out to be one I can't even remember. I ask Doug what happened to me just as Cheryl walks in, and when I see her I hope that she's not alone, but much to my disappointment she is and even though I try; I can't hide my sadness.
"Doug says I've been out of it for days"
"Yeah, you had us all worried there for a bit"
"Us..?"
"Me and Brendan…"
"Did he come to see me?"
"Yeah, when you were first admitted."
"Well he should know that I'm better now, can you tell him to come back? Please, can you do that?"
I thought he would be here, I really did. I helped him when he needed someone, so where is he now for me? Maybe he thinks that I don't need him anymore, but the thing is I do, i will always need him. Doug is rambling on about honeymoons and all I can think about is Brendan and why he isn't here. I remember a little now, I remember getting married. I remember being outside and Leah nearly getting hit by the van. Doug tells me it hit me instead. He holds me tight in a warm embrace, one that would have made me feel loved and safe before, but only leaves me empty and unfulfilled now.
I nearly died, I have been given another chance at life and this time I'm going to do what I want, what is right for me, regardless of what people think. I long for one man only to be holding me, he always has taken my breath away and I'd give anything for him to be with me now. To feel his arms around me would mean everything to me and I would savor every moment of it. I see a shadow walk past the door and my heart leaps and I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself but I can't help it. I want it to be him so badly, but of course it's not and the wave of emotion I am feeling right now is overwhelming. I let the tears fall from my eyes at the realization that Brendan probably isn't coming. I mean why would he? I have my life with Doug now; I made my choices…even if I did make the wrong ones. I didn't think my heart could break over Brendan anymore, today showed me it can.
Brendan
He's awake, thank god he's awake! I don't think I have ever felt so relieved in my whole entire life. I want to be there by his side, I want to see his beautiful face, to inhale his unique scent but I can't be can i? Someone else has that right now and I have given up mine. I tell Chez that he's going to need his friends that he will need her and Douglas and then she tells me something that makes me want to run to him.
"Bren he's asked to see you. He asked me to ask you to visit him."
"What did he say?"
"Not a lot just that, that he wanted to see you. Well, are you gonna go?"
"He's made his vows to Douglas, he doesn't need me"
The thing is it didn't matter if he needed me or not, I couldn't go to him now. It hurts me, I mean really hurts me, I don't want him to think that I don't care about him but what choice do I have? It is out of my hands now. At least he has Douglas to look after him and although I hate seeing them together and watching another man live the life I should have had, I get some satisfaction in knowing that Steven is loved and has someone to look out for him. Especially now I have to stay away.
All I want is for Steven to be safe and well and to live a happy life, because that's important isn't it? I had my chance to be happy but I threw it all away, chances like that don't come around again and to be honest I wouldn't want them to. He will always be the only one for me, no matter if were together or not. Chez looks at me full of sympathy, she can see the tears in my eyes and the pain on my face. Regardless of what she feels about me and Steven, she knows how much I love him. She knows that for me to stay away, to leave him in the hands of Douglas is slowly and painfully killing me. After seeing Steven so lifeless I kinda lost it for a bit, I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I did the only thing I could do; I made a promise to god.
"If this is you punishing me then … you're too late. I'm already damned. Let Steven live. Please. If you let Steven live then you'll have my word, I'll leave him alone. Do what you want with me. I put his life in your hands and I put my faith in a punch line, because if I can't be around to protect those I love then I need to know.I need you to tell me."
And I am a man of my word…A deal's a deal.
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