Hi everyone, this is my first FanFic and the first thing I write in English My first language is Italian.

Feedback are going to be really appreciated.

I don't own ONCE rights.

Enjoy.

I'm tired, tired just tired. Every day is the same, every time I bump into someone I have to fight. Fight for a parking slot, fight for a coffee, fight because I'm walking in the park.

I knew that just the fact that I was still alive is a burden for every member of this "charming community", but why can't they live me alone? I haven't kill anyone… well not recently at least. I have the power of blowing this God forsaken place and nobody, nobody could stop me, but I haven't even try to put Snow hair on fire. I'm not asking for a premium for being a good girl, but seriously how much time needs to pass before I can be a human being again?

3 years, 8 months, 18 days and some hours since we come back from Neverland.

After our return things haven't been funny for me, Henry stop talking to me. No I correct myself, every inhabitant stop even taking my existence in consideration. There isn't a single one that thinks of me as a living being, no one. I wouldn't care if this wasn't making even the stupidest chore so hard to accomplish. I can't buy a single item without fight with the employee of the moment. Havens help me when I need a plumber or an electrician.

If I have to be honest I can't fandom the reason why I'm still here. The only person I love with every fiber of my being doesn't look at me, and the rare times it happens is with so much disgust that my heart start clenching in my chest and it becomes hard to breath.

When we were in Neverland Emma and I had…. How I can call it? An escapade? A fling? A moment? Whatever you chose to call it, was a mistake. A terrible one and I'm still paying for it. I'm still paying for… I don't know exactly for what I'm being punished, but here we are.

The Charming decide that I had corrupted their little girl, that I had put a spell on her or manipulate her. There wasn't another reasonable explanation why Emma could ever be interested in such a thing (The thing was me, thank you very much).

I wasn't expecting a knight in shining armor, I mean I have crush so many of them that they lost any attractiveness, but she hasn't uttered a single word. She kept looking at her hands, the ones that were everywhere on my body and inside it just moment before and …. Well that's it.

Henry saw us, wasn't pretty… fuck, isn't pretty. Not for the former Evil Queen at least, and I want to point out that they put Evil in front of Queen so I took the liberty to put former to correct the statement.

I can't understand if they hate just the idea of their Savior entangled with me or the fact that she is more interest in what is under the skirts that the skirt itself. In the enchanted forest homosexuality was forbidden almost everywhere. Under my reign, for obvious reasons, was different. I let gay couples live freely, adopt children in need and so on. They probably linked homosexuality with a corrupted heart… now I feel sorry.

Anyway, I was off track now. What had happened in that place between Mss. Swan and I is ancient history.

It isn't important now. I can't say that it wasn't important. It was. It was for me. I… never mind.

They made a choice, but I'm leaving with the consequences. Henry wasn't keen to the idea of putting me off for good, so they asked Blue to create a spell. A scroll that needed to be sign by me and the Charmings.

I hadn't a choice, sign or you will never see Henry. So I sign it. For Henry. Like everything. For Henry.

The terms where clear, stay away from Precious (Miss Swan), or I will lose my right to see Henry and every eventual visitation could be decided only by the boy. The scroll is more complicated but this is it. The obligation to not charm, corrupt or manipulate any inhabitant of StoryBrook was just a long and stupid way to say :" keep your dirty hand off my Precious". Because after the fact she was so warm with me, so warm I almost froze the first time we find our self alone. Yes being with her a second time wasn't exactly at the top of my priority, having one person I care about making me feel unwanted and disgusting was more than enough. Remembering her sweet words, her light touches, her passionate kisses and her warm embrace was a torture in itself, but seeing her looking at me in that way is still a more stronger reason to stay away from her that any piece of paper, even a magical one.

I'm tired, cold and the loneliness is killing me. Literally. I think I'm depress… and that is just another reason to be depress! I'm the fucking Queen or at least I was one, I can't be depress... is depressing.

I'm not going to let this… this situation eating me alive more that what it has already done.

I'm leaving.

I leave this unforgiving city and its peasant.

I leave my unforgiving son and his new found happy family.

I leave this unforgiving magic and its strings.

I leave the only family I've left.

I leave the only person that has ever really hold me, even if it was for a moment

I leave the only place that I have considered home.

Being on this border is so painful and yet I feel relived. I try so hard to make things work, I tried for Henry, for me, even for… but it wasn't enough or it was too late. Maybe I'm just wrong.

I'm grateful to them, pissed as it is, but grateful. They all contributed to my happiest moment. They all give me Henry and for the first time in my life I had love. Real love, unconditional love and it was amazing.

Then they all did their part to rip it away from me.

They built my hope so high, that for the briefest of the moment I was certain that I had it, I had it all. Finally I wasn't just a character, I was Regina. I was on the right side; I help against the villain, I saved the Town, I did the heroic and annoying stuff by the Book. I was so engross in the part that I forgot that I'm no hero.

I'm the fucking villain, I'm what I was fighting and you know what? The villain doesn't get anything. Nothing at all.

I know that I start too big, but I wasn't thinking straight, in any sense. The Princess was a little too much for a temporary hero like me I guess. I felt like Cinderella at midnight, my carriage turn back at is original pumpkin form and I was reversed to my villain role.

It was just one mistake, the type of mistake that feel really good but a mistake nevertheless. In that moment I was so high, I was flying, it was just perfection, the right ending to a tremendous ordeal. No need to say that when you are that high the fall is just as much as the distance that you have reach, plus the velocity of the falling itself. And man it was fast. One second I was starting to understand way Annoying Snow like singing with the birds and the next I felt dirt in my mouth.

The words that my son throw at me and the silence from my lover where like knives and those bastard use me as their slip-case. I will never heal from that wounds but I'll live.

This is what I'm going to do, living. I'm going to build myself again, and this time not only in a new place but with new people.

I love you Henry, with all my heart or what has left of it. You're my son; I will always consider you as such.

I love you so much that it took me so long before living a place that have only hostility towards me, even yours.

I know that when you're going to read this, you will probably feel relief and that pains me more than anything in this universe.

I'm leaving knowing that you're happy and safe and this is all I always wanted for you.

For the last time grating me the wish of calling you my son… don't turn your head to the other side, just this one. Please.

Forever yours

Mom

TBC?