We sat in her hospital room, watching her sleep. It had been 3 weeks since she had been readmitted for the thousandth time, and we knew that this would be the last time. Through her whole 5 years of life we had watched her grow and become the caring and loving person we wanted out children to be. She was our only child, and was our heart and soul. She brought so much joy to our lives and having her was a blessing from god.
We had been up all night, afraid to fall asleep, afraid we would miss our last chance to say goodbye. We sat in 2 chairs on either side of her, holding her small hands. I had pushed her beautiful thick dark locks back, so that we could see the beautiful girl underneath. Before all this had even happened she had a darker complexion, like mine. Now, it was pale, and clammy, but still beautiful. We had tried to make her more comfortable by putting her in her own clothes, but we knew the pain was deeper than skin. She was in a Tinkerbell night gown, her favourite character. He room at home was Tinkerbell themed, and pretty much everything she owned had her on it.
She started to stir, and we were waiting for her to open up her big beautiful eyes so we could talk to her. Over the past 6 months, since we had been given a time line we had used up every second of every day to make memories and to make her feel as loved as possible. We had spent nights staying up and talking about our favourite memories, Edward and I, and it made us sad, but at the same time happy that we at least got to spend time with her and get to know her.
"Mommy?" I looked down and saw my beautiful 5 year old daughter looking up at me. With the breathing mask and IVs and other equipment around she looked so small and tiny. Her big blues eyes were looking at me, full of pain, but happiness. She was paler and thinner than she had been in a long time, a sign that it was the end. At the beginning of our long battle with Leukemia she was just a normal 2 year old who liked to run around and play, now she was a 5 year old in the hospital on her last day.
Edward and I had decided that there would be no crying in her room, because she needed the happiness, and didn't need to see us upset and scared because that would just make her more upset and scared. She tried to sit up a bit and Edward leaned forwards to help and gently lifted our tiny daughter so that she could see better.
"Hey honey." She looked at us with sleepy eyes, and gave us a small smile, Edward's smile. She looked exhausted, but happy to be with us. "Mommy, am I going to heaven?" I looked at Edward, not knowing how to answer it. "What do you think?" She nodded her head. "Ya, but I'm going to be alone, and you guys won't be with me." I smiled at her and pushed some hair out of her face. "We will always be with you baby, always." She nodded her head and played with her hospital bracelet that we knew bugged her to now end.
"Daddy, why did god make me sick and not the other kids?" Edward swallowed and held her hand tighter. "Because he knew what a brave girl you were. And he only picks special people that he knows will be strong enough to deal with it." She nodded her head and looked at us. "Is it going to hurt?" I shook my head, praying it wouldn't hurt, I wanted her to go in her sleep, peaceful and warm. "No, you are just going to feel like your asleep, and the next thing you know you will be up in heaven playing with everyone else up there."
"Will you miss me?" I had to look away to hold the tears back, but they still came. "Of course we will miss you, we will miss you every day. Just remember we will always love you." She nodded her head and looked at her dad. "Do you get to play baseball in heaven?" I smiled, definitely Edward's daughter. "Of course you do, you have to show everyone your high shot" She nodded her head. She had perfected them last summer, because the cancer had come back, before everything had gotten worse.
"I'm tired mom." I smiled at her and rubbed her cheek, trying to memorize every thing about her. "Then go to sleep baby." She shook her head. "It hurts too much to sleep." I frowned wishing I could take the pain away, that she could live a normal childhood, that she would get to experience a childhood.
"Mommy, will you sing me a song?" I smiled at her, and nodded. "What would you like me to sing?" She was silent for a moment, so I thought she had already gone to sleep, but a moment later she turned to me, an idea in her head. "Somewhere over the rainbow" I smiled at her,Edward smiled at me, and I grabbed his hand.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dared to dream
Really do come true
Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
a way above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then oh why can't I?
If happy little blue birds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why then oh why can't I?
I had watched her the whole time and saw her mouth the lyrics along with me, like we had ever since she had first heard the song. Edward had tears in his eyes and leaned over and kissed her forehead. I squeezed his hand, my heart breaking for him. She looked at us and smiled. "Thank you mommy." I smiled at her and held my tears back. "No sweetheart, thank you." She looked confused but didn't ask anything else.
"I love you mommy." I smiled and looked her in the eyes, her beautiful blue sparkling eyes. "I love you too sweetheart, so much." I leaned forward and kissed her, and pulled her to my chest, my darling angel. I let her go and sat back in my seat.
"I love you daddy." He rubbed her cheek, looking at her face, one that looked like his in many ways. "I love you too beautiful, more than you will ever know. You're so amazing honey, did you know that?" She shook her head and smiled at him, totally a daddy's girl. "Do you remember when Mrs. Weber asked you to pick some one you thought was special and did a lot of good things, and you picked me?" She nodded her head, remembering her project she had to do on her hero. "Well, you're my hero princess, because you are everything I wish I was." She smiled, not understanding him, but knowing what he was saying was nice.
"Can I have my doll?" Edward nodded his head and paced her her doll and tucked her into the bed tighter, and smiled at her. "Are you ok?" She nodded her head and closed her eyes. "I want to sleep now." I nodded, knowing this was it. "Ok baby, you go, and have amazing dreams, and know we will always love you." She nodded her head and squeezed our hands one last time before drifting off into a deep sleep, one she would never awaken from.
I let out a sob and looked at my husband, at a loss for words. He shook his head, tears falling, not wanting to believe she was gone. I leaned forward and placed one last kiss on my daughter's forehead.
*OLA*OLA*OLA*OLA*OLA*OLA*OLA*OLA*
"We can all learn a lesson from Evangeline, she showed us all courage and strength in hard times. We will all miss her, but we have our special memories of her and her memory will always live on. Our little angel is now with God, but she will never leave our hearts. I want to thank you all for being here today, she loved all of you, well she loved everyone pretty much. She was had the biggest heart and I will forever miss her, thank you." I stepped away from the podium and sat next to my husband and felt him rub my back.
"Now, Evangeline's parents have asked us to play a whole new world, one of her favourites. So may I all ask you to stand in memory of Evangeline and listen, and remember all the wonderful things this brave little girl has done, in her all too short life..
My first one-SHOT.. Let me know what youn think... :)