"We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry," - Unknown
Killian Jones had convinced himself that what he did was justified by the lies of his ex-king. Killian Jones had made the charade of Captain Hook become a reality. Killian Jones had died along with his brother that day, that day centuries ago. And ever since, he'd pillaged villages, he'd taken lives from innocent men who he deemed guilty just for angering him, he'd broken many hearts, many promises. He'd thrown the word 'love' around just to satisfy the meaningless flings he picked up at the taverns. He was no saint, he knew that, and he relished in that fact every damn second.
Killian Jones did not know what love was anymore. He'd convinced himself that he did, he'd convinced himself that he didn't need love, but in truth, he'd just forgotten the meaning of it. He'd forgotten what it was like to have someone that made the sun shine a little brighter, that made the world a little more sane each and every day. He'd forgotten what it was like to have someone who would always care, because damnit everyone who had truly cared was gone. Liam, Milah, both dead, both just painful memories that even alcohol couldn't taint. They sat there, their faces etched into his brain, never fading, not until the alcohol took affect, and he could barely remember his own name.
Killian Jones told himself that he was invincible. Nothing could hurt someone who wasn't afraid of being alone. Nothing could scare him. He was feared, he was powerful, he left people scared in his wake. He was Captain Hook, murderous and unemotional. People were killed in the world, they should get over it, he'd gone through the pain so why shouldn't they? Things were stolen, if you didn't want them taken, take care of them better. Keep them safe where no-one would find them, otherwise it was your own fault. His opinion was the most important, because he was the most important. That's what he told himself.
Killian Jones had hardened into an emotionless monster. He could look someone in the eyes as the light faded and nothing in his heart stirred, no remorse, no guilt, not until later that night as he drowned his sorrows in a bottle of chestnut coloured liquor. Killing didn't bother him, he didn't feel, he didn't want to feel because what he felt sucked, and he couldn't deal with that. He couldn't deal with those human emotions, the hurt, the pain, it was an endless cycle of unnecessary feelings, so why bother to allow them in?
Killian Jones had made himself into a villain.
Killian Jones had made himself into Captain Hook.