A/N Harry potter/Uglies x-over
Broomboards and Hoversticks
The wind was whipping through Harry Potter's hair.
"Ahhh," he sighed, reaching up to run his fingers through his windswept locks.
Oh, how he loved flying. This relaxing breeze was enough to make him have a little snooze.
He closed his eyes, flicking his luxurious mane out from beneath his glasses.
Suddenly…BANG!!
A massive collision made his broomstick shudder and his glasses slip from his face.
He opened his eyes with a start. And screamed.
For there, standing right in front of him, was a very stern hawk-like creature.
"It is a hippogriff?" he wondered out loud.
"What?" Snarled the being.
"Oh no! Has Hagrid been using his umbrella to make you talk?" Harry gushed, appalled.
"What do you mean, you little random fool? You have been invading this land with your rusty contraption and now you insult me with this garbage!" the being roared.
Harry could feel the tears welling up inside him. "I'm so s-s-sorry!" he sobbed.
"Silence!" screamed the unknown creature. "I might have to call for back-up if you continue to disrupt the good order of this land!"
Harry turned pale and gasped. "There are more of you?" he whispered in awe.
The creature laughed, showing razor sharp teeth.
"It's the big bad wolf!" Harry whimpered, backing away as quickly as he could.
"Looking for these?" the being chuckled, amused, as Harry grappled around on the floor for his glasses.
"Thank you-" started Harry, as he reached for the glasses, but the inhuman individual, threw them with all its force out of sight.
"And as for this!" it cried, grasping Harry's broomstick and lifting it above its head.
"No!!" screeched Harry, making a grab for his beloved Firebolt.
"I think not!" hissed the creature, and it brought the broomstick down upon Harry's head and beat him continuously until Harry was curled up in a foetal position and begging for mercy.
Then, suddenly, a boy wandered around the corner and Harry screamed "Help me!"
The thing that was beating Harry looked around in confusion and spotted the boy that had come to Harry's aid.
"You!" it growled, glaring at the boy with untameable hatred.
"Leave that incredibly handsome boy alone!" boomed the boy.
As they all looked at each other incredulously, there was a roaring sound (Raawwwwr), and Harry looked up into the sky to see a terrifying vision.
There, flying above him, was a machine unlike any he had ever seen before.
He gasped and clutched his chest in shock. He started to hyperventilate and his attacker let go of him in disgust.
"Hey!" said his rescuer, rushing over to his side. "Calm down, Handsome, it's only a hovercar. Probably got a heap more Specials in there."
"Is that what you call them?" whimpered Harry.
"I'm David by the way." He winked, squeezing Harry's arse seductively.
"Oh… I'm Potter. Harry Potter." He grinned, clearly expecting some sign of recognition from the mysterious David.
David, however, seemed oblivious to this most famous of names and continued to gaze at Harry lustfully.
All of a sudden, the hovercar landed and dozens more of the horrifying "Specials" bounded gracefully onto the ground around them.
"You!" they simultaneously shrieked, pointing a finger forward at David.
Just then, Hermione wandered into the commotion.
"I thought you might want some pumpkin juice, Harry" she simpered.
The Specials all retched at the sight of her.
"She's even more uglier than those two cretins, arrest her!" one of them shouted.
Hermione screamed as two Specials grabbed her by the hair and tugged in opposite directions.
"Urgh!" one of them yelled. "Her hair is covered in grease!"
"I don't think it's been brushed in years!" the other replied.
Their immense strength was too much for Hermione's frail form, and her body ripped apart, sending her innards across the ground.
"You monsters!" screeched Harry, tears pouring down his face. He ran forwards to the body of his deceased companion, but slipped on her pancreas and abruptly broke his neck. He landed sprawled on the ground at an odd angle with his tongue lolling out onto the floor. His glasses lay miles away, unkempt and abandoned.
As the Specials laughed at Harry and Hermione's fate, David launched himself at Harry's corpse and foolishly attempted the Heimlich Manoeuvre.
"Oi! Stop that, You!" A Special shrieked. "Come with us and I'm sure that any necrophilliac urges will be stamped out in the operation!" She smirked.
David looked up and blinked, tears cascading down his dirty cheeks. "He was the love of my life!" he wailed, hugging Harry's limp form to his chest.
"Get a grip, Ugly, you've only known him five minutes!" retorted the Special that had been beating Harry with his firebolt.
Suddenly, they heard the sound of another voice.
"David, darling! Time for your night-time milk and cookies!" she cooed, waddling around the corner holding a glass of milk and packet of cookies aloft.
"Mummy!" he cried, wrapping his arms around her. "They killed my lover! Make them go away!!"
"It's okay, darling! Mummy's here!"
She suddenly pulled a giant rolling pin from her apron and charged at the Specials with a war like cry.
They laughed uproariously and casually tripped her over with their feet and proceeded to take it in turns to beat her with Harry's broomstick.
"Save the milk and cookies!" roared a Special who started to consume the delicious treat in front of a distraught David.
Abruptly, the Specials stopped hitting Maddy, and turned to the Special who was munching the cookies.
"Hey! We want a cookie!" they yelled.
After they had all bashed Maddy to a pulp, they heaved her off the ground and threw her off the rock face.
"Oh my God, she was heavy! Good job we took those cookies from her!" laughed a Special.
David charged at the Specials with a murderous glint in his eye. "You took my mummy and my cookies away from me!" he sobbed. He then pulled out a machine gun and proceeded to fire it at the Specials.
They all ducked and David let out a distressed scream of " Harry!!" as they caught the bullets and threw them back at him, tearing him to shreds.
They all cackled showing their bright fangs.
"I haven't had this much fun since we captured that old fool, Dumbledore!" one of them laughed.
"Any souvenirs we can get from the wreckage?" Dr. Cable enquired.
She strolled down to the mangled corpse of Hermione and plucked out an eyeball.
"This will do nicely in my office," she smirked.
THE END
By lil-miss-voldie-woldie and Bellatrix-loves-voldie