Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.
i M S c a r e d
"Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away."
- Evita (Movie)
It scares her. This scares her. The way she was so comfortable holding his hand and the way he smiles at her like she was some kind of gizmo he had been waiting for to arrive in his mailbox. He let go of her hand and instead, snaked it around her waist. The sudden gesture surprises her but she doesn't break away.
"Since when did you get so cocky around me, Frednub?" she asks him when she finally managed to find her voice. It's been a while since she last called him by that nickname and she added that to the list of things she's now afraid of.
"Around the time I got a good 5 inches taller than you," he answers with a smug smile on his face that she was just dying to wipe off. Don't get her wrong, he looks much more pleasing to her whenever he's acting all smug, but the thought that he's much more capable now adds to her worries. She has let herself slip away. And she knows that that's not good. She was being too easy.
The thing between her and Freddie was being too easy. That's what scares her the most. That was a sign. She just knew it. All her relationships felt so easy before they blew up and the guys call it off.
"That's no good." She smiles once his eyebrows furrowed. She shifted her gaze from the busy streets of Seattle to his lips. She smiles once again. They were on the fire exit. Sweet nostalgia.
"How come?" he asks her this time without taking his eyes off her long curls.
She didn't answer right away. She buries her nose in his plaid shirt and inhales his scent. She notes he smells like cinnamon and vanilla. It's just so like him, she thought. She was contemplating on whether she should answer him or not. He has stayed silent for more than a minute now so she thought he had let it go.
"Sam," he said her name in a manner that told her he needed an answer. She sighs and tears away from him. She positioned herself against the window pane. His eyes looked alarmed but he made no move to scoot closer to her. He knew her too well to tell she needed her space.
"I'm not good with change." She waited for the cold gust of wind to hit her face before she continued. "I try to ignore it as much as I can that it ends up hitting me straight in the face sometimes."
She studied his eyes for any form of scrutiny but she got none. Instead, they softened and her blue ones melted against his breath-taking chocolate orbs.
"I think Carly and I know that about you, Sam. You never even noticed Gibby was stronger than you. Not until he kicked your ass in arm wrestling." His laugh was so infectious that she couldn't stop herself from laughing along with him.
"It's just that change isn't always good, you know? Pete, Jonah, Shane… Change was never good to me, Freddie." Her laughter turned into a bitter one.
This time, he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her and kiss her forehead. He knew what she meant.
"I know that, Sam. The moment I realized I liked you over Carly, half of me was in despair and the other half was in pure bliss. You didn't make it any easier. But I've come to accept the change and everything turned out fine. I have you here with me. Don't say that's bad because it isn't." The sound of his voice soothed her.
"I've always been stubborn. It's just that… whenever I give myself away, I always end up getting hurt. Like what I'm doing now. It scares me and makes me wish I'd go back to being with my ham instead." She smiles against his shirt and she's so close that she hears his heartbeat. It was so fast that she wonders if hers were as fast as his too. She looks up at him and pecks him at the lips.
"What we are… we don't need to put a label on it, Sam. You don't have to tell me how you feel about me. Just know that I'll always be here for you. To hold your hand, to cook you ham, to pay for your fatshakes, just call me and I'll come running to you."
She looks at him in awe. "How'd you—"
"I've heard you mumbling in your sleep once. Guys break up with you once you start dating and tell them you love them." He answers her unfinished question.
"It's just that it's so easy being like this with you and it's just a matter of time before I start spouting mushy things and make you pick Carly over me all over again." He beams at her and she rolls her eyes.
"Just to make it straight, you're not my boyfriend. And I'm not saying I love you ever. Got that, Fredwina?" She asks with her Sam-like composure back and that makes him laugh.
"Yes, Princess Puckett." He knows exactly what she means by that. They won't be called boyfriend and girlfriend, she won't ever tell him those three words, but both knew they were in love; they just can't be vocal with it and give the other one satisfaction and control. Labeling what they have is taboo and saying 'I love you' triggers a curse. If that's what it takes for her to believe in him then so be it.
"Let's go get fatcakes. I'm starving and you're paying, dork." She demanded and just like that they both went back to acting normal. She swung her legs to get off the window pane.
"I'm paying and you still have the nerve to call me a dork? I know what I said earlier but you are just too much, Sam." He said with a fake gasp, clearly trying to imitate himself from years before. When he stood up next to her, the blonde's lips crashed on his before he even got to utter a word.
Their lips were moving in sync. He felt his heart do somersaults. Hers was doing back-flips. They melded to each other so perfectly that there was no denying they belong.
And when they broke apart for air, "As cliché as it sounds, you're my dork though. And you can't do anything about paying for my fatcakes.' She smirked.
"You blonde demon."
A/N: Sorry if there are a lot of typos and errors. I just wanted to get this off my mind. The idea struck me just this afternoon and I wanted to write it right away. How was it? Second Seddie Fic! YAY! I love the pairing. 3 And it's short. It's not really angsty compared to the other one I wrote, right? Reviews are appreciated. Thanks in advance!:D