Title: We'll Smile But Right Now I Can't Bear
Rating: PG (for the moment)
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 3,285
Warnings: Possible mix-up of tenses
Summary: Past and future AU based on Sarah by Ray Lamontagne. Kurt and Blaine were childhood friends, but when Blaine meets Kurt on summer break from college the boy he knew is almost unrecognizable.
1999
When the Anderson family moved in next door to the Hummels, Elizabeth Hummel brought over her best lemon-merengue pie and her five year-old son, Kurt. Blaine Anderson opened the door, and as soon as Kurt took in the tiny boy with hair like a curly mushroom cloud and glasses that had to be constantly shoved back up his nose, he decided it was time for a change. Which is how Blaine ended up back on his new doorstep a few hours later, hair irregularly chopped, smothered in Elizabeth's makeup, and tottering a little because his glasses had been taken away on the grounds of 'too last year'. Kurt was five, not a world-class stylist.
Both mothers laughed it off, Charlotte Anderson saying her son had needed a haircut for a while now, and Elizabeth saying she didn't wear her makeup that often, so she didn't mind to bearing utilized for recreational purposes. Blaine had been scrubbed clean, much to Kurt's dismay. The little boy had stormed out of the house, declaring that nobody appreciated his genius, anyway. But a bond was formed that day between Kurt and his new neighbor. Which was evident the next morning when Kurt showed up and Blaine's, asking if he wanted to come over because he was 'Sick and tired of singing by himself, and he needed an Aladdin.' It was the start of something beautiful.
But, even though the mothers and their little boys had hit it off immediately, it took a little bit longer for Burt to warm up to Alex Anderson. Alex, being an professor who left stacks of books wherever he went and had the same cloud of curly hair that he had passed down to his son gave the first impression of being a bit dense. He was the type of spacy person that left burners on and would be half-way through washing a dish before having a brilliant idea for his next paper and putting the dish away, still dirty. Burt Hummel was a very careful man, working around tools in his garage that could have fatal repercussions if misused. He was not the biggest fan of Alex, as he found it hard to appreciate a lack of common sense. But one night, when the absent-minded professor came to pick Blaine up from another one of many play dates, he noticed that Burt was watching football. He said something, no one really remembers what, but it caused Burt to turn away from the television with an incredulous expression on his face and say "You watch?" Granted, it wasn't an entirely eloquent sentence, but it was a sentence that created a gateway into many Sunday night football games, which in turn meant more time for Elizabeth to gossip and share a cup of tea with Charlotte, and more time for Kurt to show Blaine his Barbie weddings. Everyone was happy.
2000
Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson were inseparable. Not even a year together and they were like brothers, going to the park and the pool together, and watching every Disney movie that had been released several times over. Sure, there were other kids in the neighborhood, but neither of could find a playmate like each other. Blaine didn't care about the age difference. He was in awe of Kurt, who was so confident and brave and talked like a grownup. (And was maybe a little bossy, but Blaine didn't mind) Kurt loved that he had found someone who would let him sing whatever parts he wanted when they listened to his Disney tape and control how much tea was distributed at their backyard tea parties. Plus, Blaine was so funny when he pretended to be Abu or Scuttle or Gus. Kurt thought it was important to have a funny friend.
It helped to have parents that were best friends, too. Every other Friday night was music night, when the Andersons would come over and Elizabeth would play the piano. The women would teach the little boys old show tunes, while Alex and Burt watched TV. (And maybe joined in sometimes) Charlotte had a voice like an angel, and sometimes Kurt would see Elizabeth wistfully staring. (He later found out that his mother went through throat surgery years ago, this had put an end to her showgirl career) Kurt and Blaine weren't too shabby either, soaring high with their prepubescent sopranos. (Kurt's voice wouldn't change very much, of course, but he wasn't aware of this now)
Yes, the year 2000 was one of the best years either boy would ever remember.
2001
In February, things between the two families became a little strained. Charlotte brought her whole family over, gleefully announcing that she was pregnant. Kurt didn't really see the big deal, but Blaine looked happy. Elizabeth had put on a smile and congratulations, saying that she was going to throw the best baby shower Lima, Ohio had ever seen. But after the other family left, Elizabeth had fled to her room, but not before Kurt saw the tears streaming down her face. Burt had hurried after her, and soon Kurt could hear them arguing. Kurt didn't really understand why she was upset, not even after words like adoption and secondary infertility floated down the stairs. But his mother was upset, so he did what he could, bringing her a mug of peppermint tea and apologizing for her being sad. (He didn't think he was responsible, but it was one could never be too careful) Elizabeth had smiled through her tears and kissed her son, thanking him and telling him that she felt better already.
After that Elizabeth partly swallowed her pride, helping Charlotte pick out a crib but making excuses when asked to go shopping for baby toys. Kurt was even jealous of this unborn child, who Blaine proudly declared that he would help take care of all the time. How dare this baby come and steal his best friend, who Kurt had known for what felt like forever and coveted whenever he could? It was like something out of a fairy tale, the unborn baby had put a spell on the Anderson family that made them forget how much they loved the Hummels. Kurt was not happy about this.
Like Elizabeth he began to make excuses to avoid Blaine, punishing them both with his jealousy. He missed his playmate dearly and he knew Blaine felt the same (judging by the sad looks that were directed towards his window when Kurt declined yet another invitation to the park) Kurt desperately wanted to end this cold he had created between them. But he had psyched his seven-year old self out, convinced that Blaine wouldn't like him as much if he said sorry first. (He was a socially advanced child, managing to overthink simple problems before overthinking was even expected) This changed, however, when Elizabeth brought him home from the library one day and Blaine was in his room.
Kurt had screamed in fright when he saw him, dropping his books.
"Daddy, why didn't you tell me Blaine was here?"
"Sorry," Burt called, "Must of slipped my mind."
Blaine, who had been sitting on Kurt's bed, slid down and went to help Kurt pick up his books. "I'm sorry I scared you." Looking far more serious then anyone his age ever should, Blaine took Kurt by the hand and pulled him into his bedroom. Sitting on the floor, he yanked Kurt down with him, and for a minute they sat there is silence. And then, Blaine spoke. "Why don't you like me anymore, Kurt?"
Kurt, being as socially progressed as he was, was still a little boy. So he started to cry. Blaine had pulled him into a hug and Kurt got snot all over the older boy's shirt. he explained everything, his jealousy over Blaine's unborn sibling, how he didn't think the Blaine loved him anymore. To which Blaine, wrapping his arms around Kurt, had replied that he was always love Kurt, and that Kurt was being stupid. They would always be best friends, and the baby wouldn't change that.
When Elizabeth Hummel saw her son and his best friend walk down the staircase and out the door, hand-in-hand, she resolved to fix come clean with Charlotte and fix their friendship. Because surely if her conflicted son could do it, she could.
The silly rift between them was closed, and life continued like it always had. Elizabeth gladly shopped and went out for coffee with Charlotte, Burt had Alex over to watch the game, whatever that may have been, and Kurt and Blaine were inseparable. But when tragedy struck the nation in September, tragedy also struck the Anderson family.
Kurt and Blaine had been in school when they noticed something was going on. The teachers were frantic, rushing in and out of the classrooms and whispering things to each other that drew horrified gasps from every listener. At 11 the principal had come on the announcements, voice shaking, saying that school was getting out early and everyone should stay in their classrooms until their parents came for them. The students cheered at this unexpected half day, but Blaine and Kurt had both sensed something happening below the surface.
When Charlotte Anderson turned on her TV that morning and saw the footage of a plane flying into the Twin Towers, she fell to her knees in shock and began to scream. Alex, who had not even left for work yet, rushed downstairs to aid his wife, who was now drawing her hand away from the hem of her dress, sticky with blood. He had rushed her to the hospital as fast as he could, phoning the Hummels on the way with a request to pick their son up and for Elizabeth to come to the hospital as soon as she could. Unfortunately for the unborn Gregory Anderson, it was too late. Charlotte had miscarried upon learning that the building both of her parents worked at had become a pillar of smoke and flame. It a tragedy for the nation and a tragedy for the two families in Lima, Ohio.
2002
2002 was perhaps the worst year of Kurt Hummel's life.
It was alright in the beginning. He had patched up his friendship with Blaine, and the Andersons were slowly recovering from the loss of their unborn son. The Hummels were there for Blaine when Charlotte and Alex were too distraught to comfort anyone but each other. While still young, Blaine was old enough to feel the loss, and to take some of the excess emotion from his parents. Kurt began to be almost a therapist and teacher for his older friend, rubbing comforting circles on his back like he'd seen on TV and helping with the 4th grade reading that Blaine had trouble in. (Kurt excelled at reading)
Kurt and Blaine began to feel about each other how they didn't feel about anyone else. Kurt had dreams sometimes where he was Ariel or Snow White or Cinderella, and Blaine was the handsome prince that came riding in on his horse and made everything alright again, He'd wake up just before they kissed and lie awake at night, wondering why his life couldn't be a fairy tale. He had wondered if this was the love they talked about, the love his and Blaine's parents shared. If love was wanting to be with someone all the time, then he was definitely in love with Blaine. Everyone else at school annoyed him, but Blaine never did. Blaine had always understood what Kurt was feeling or thinking. Blaine always let Kurt play with his ridiculously curly hair and had tea with him. (Even though their fathers were saying they were getting too old for tea parties) And it was too early for bullies, but Kurt was sure that if anyone tried to hurt him, Blaine would come riding in like Prince Charming and beat the bullies off. That was the kind of person Blaine was. So, yes, Kurt was fairly certain that he loved Blaine.
One special Saturday afternoon, when Kurt and Blaine had been having a tea party as usual, things had paused. Blaine had slowly put his stuffed animal down and taken Kurt's hands, pulling him to his feet. Then, getting down on one knee, he had taken out a little box and opened it. Inside was a gold band, and Kurt gasped.
"I found it in the street," Blaine admitted. "I didn't want to take one of Mom's rings because stealing is wrong, but I polished it up so it would be pretty. Like you." Like he had so many times before, Blaine taken Kurt by the hand. "Kurt Hummel...I love you. WIll you marry me?"
While normally he wouldn't have even considered the idea of putting something that had been on the street on his hand, this was different. This was better than all of the scenarios he had imagined. So he nodded. "Yes. I love you too, Blaine." And then shyly he pulled Blaine to his feet. "C-can I kiss you?"
Blaine smiled. "Not yet. I have something else planned." Then, without a warning, he pulled Kurt to the door and down the stairs. "We're going to the park, Mr. and Mrs. H!" he shouted, not pausing to hear their answer but instead flying out of the door. The park wasn't too far, so they ran hand-in-hand down the sidewalk as fast as their short legs would carry them. When they reached the park and the woods, Blaine let go of Kurt's hand to maneuver around the underbrush. Kurt knew exactly where they were headed. It was a small clearing, one they had discovered with their mothers when they were too young to go out by themselves. They had stopped coming to it when Charlotte got pregnant, and Kurt hadn't really thought about it since. But it was still here and still beautiful, with sunlight filtering through the treetops and wildflowers growing around the edges. Spinning a little, Blaine danced into the center, where he extended a hand to Kurt.
"Join me?"
Kurt giggled and did so, letting Blaine spin him around a few times before standing still. Blaine's face grew very solemn. "Dearly beloved," he said, addressing the forest, "We are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of this man and this man, to-"
"Oh my gosh," Kurt giggled "Did you memorize the whole thing?" Blaine looked at him impatiently, and then frowned.
"Aww, Kurt, now I can't remember what comes next."
Kurt giggled again. "It's okay. Just skip to the last part."
Blaine was smiling too. "Fine. Do you, Kurt Hummel, take me to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
Kurt nodded. "I do. And do you, Blaine Anderson, take me to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I do."
Together, both hands clasped, they had whispered "You may now kiss the groom."
As they were only children it wasn't a serious kiss, more like a brief, chaste touch of lips. But both of them were old enough to recognize what it meant, what they meant to each other. Both of them knew that a relationship like this was hard to find.
Kurt had yawned and laid down on the grass, feeling lazy in the afternoon sunlight. Blaine had joined him, and Kurt put his head on the other boy's chest and Blaine pulled Kurt close to him. They fell asleep like this in the sweet-smelling grass, both so content and filled with good feeling that they could have stayed this way forever.
Unfortunately, life doesn't work out like that.
At 7:30 that night the search party had found them, led by Alex and Charlotte. Alex was grim, Charlotte could barely hold in her tears. They had scooped the groggy boys up, taking them back home before either was really aware of what was going on.
Kurt had woken up on the Anderson's couch, to words like too many pills and should we take him to the hospital? floating around. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Blaine, sitting on the floor with his head on the couch. When Kurt sat up, Blaine's eyes had fluttered open and were immediately filled with sorrow.
"Kurt...I'm so sorry."
Kurt sprang to his feet, quickly looking around. "What is it?" All of the adults in the room grew silent and turned to look at him. And then Charlotte rushed forward.
"Kurt, sweetie...there's been an accident. Your mom, she's not with us anymore."
Kurt swallowed. "What do you mean?"
"She died."
All Kurt remembered after that was falling to the ground, and feeling the arms of several different people wrap tightly around him.
The rest of the year was torture. A series of passing condolences and pats on the back, but Kurt hadn't cared. His mother was gone, the woman who played the piano when he felt like singing and treated him like a king when he was sick. The woman who had taught him so much about life and love and fashion and friendship. No amount of sorries would bring her back to him, and he was heartbroken. It was easy to be in a state of denial at first, to expect her to come walking around the corner and apologize for scaring him and Daddy. But when they stood in the cemetery and he watched his mother's coffin be lowered into the ground, there was no denying it anymore. She was gone. On that afternoon the heart of a little boy turned cold.
The Andersons had moved away a few months after. When Kurt turned distant Charlotte had done her best to reach out, but Kurt had retreated too far. Blaine still came over for tea parties, but Kurt no longer was driven by that confident spark that made him so fun to be around. So, despite his best intentions, Blaine had also drifted away. And when Alex was offered a job at Harvard Law he took it, and the Andersons were gone from the Hummels' life forever.
2013
Blaine Anderson walked out of the coffee shop, guitar slung over shoulder, thanking the owner. It was the end of a long day, playing a double show and running solely on lattes. It wasn't that he minded summer break. It was just that when college wasn't happening, he had to work twice as hard to have enough money for the extra things. He had made a promise to himself not to live solely off of the trust fund his grandparents had set up, wanting to try life by himself without a crutch. But hey, if things didn't work out, the trust fund was always an option.
Blaine looked around this bohemian section of Los Angeles, the late-day rays of sunlight bouncing off of the stucco buildings and the smell of baked goods still in the air. For once in his life he felt like he really belonged. (He was kinda glad that the end of the world hadn't happened in 2012, otherwise his friend Tyler never would have dragged him here) He could very easily go into all of that sappy, sentimental stuff, about turning over a new leaf and new beginnings. He could be that kind of guy. But his thought process was completely thrown off track when he saw a flash of brown hair with a familiar curl and blue-green eyes. He gasped. The person had rounded the corner and was gone, but Blaine broke into a run. There was only one person he had ever met with eyes like that. Kurt Hummel.