NARUTO
DISCLAIMER: UNFORTUNATELY I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR THE BEAUTIFUL GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA… HE'S ONLY PRESENT IN MY DREAMS. LOL.
THE PANTS DEVIL: ETERNAL RIVALS
He flew through the treetops like a flash of emerald green lightening. His well formed muscles twitching and rippling as he leapt from branch to branch, he wasn't overly graceful but the lightly tanned shin obi had a style all of his own. After all, he was Maito Gai, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha.
Gai's chest heaved and sagged as his standard blue shinobi sandals (a rather flattering size 12 might I add) hammered against the trees of the forest. Footprints the size of dinner plates had been worn into the bark by the taijutsu master's previous sixty-sever laps through Konoha.
"Another thirty-three laps before I go train my youthful students!" mused Gai, particularly excited about training Ten Ten today. For the first time in months Gai's only kunoichi was ready to learn a new technique. Gai could barely hold his excitement in, he loved nothing more than watching his beloved student grow. Lee, Neji and Ten Ten were like children to him. They were probably the closest Gai would ever get to children too as he had no experience with women. In fact, the only date Gai had ever been on was with a girl who had been paid by Kakashi to 'Show him a good time'. Due to his high morals, Gai didn't want to take a girl who didn't like him on a date and so he cancelled. Though he though it was a bit of a shame, Gai had really been looking forward to going to the karaoke bar. At least, Gai though the 'good time' was a karaoke bar until Kakashi explained it all in much greater detail the following day. Gai had never known the his rival to be such a dirty pervert!
Kakashi Hatake, the famously 'hip' and 'modern' Copy-Cat Ninja. The very name kick-started Gai's brain into action. Slapping himself on the forehead, he wondered how on earth he had forgotten precious number three on his 'Youthful To-Do List'. Today was the day that he, Maito Gai was going to beat Kakashi Hatake in a battle of skill and wit! Gai had even written a reminder on the back of his hand.
"Today's the day my eternal rival! I'm going to prove just how hip and cool I can be by kicking your big, fat, shinobi a…" Gai paused halfway through his stride. Suddenly clamping his teeth closed as he felt something sharp scrape against the back of his pants. With a gaunt face the emerald shinobi looked behind him, wobbling about as he stood on one leg in the thick of the canopy. His other leg suspended in the air.
"Oh no" he whispered, planting his previously suspended foot back onto a solid surface. Gai shivered, an icy gust of wind had hit him from behind. Reaching around, he gently snapped off the razor sharp twig that had snagged his sensational spandex. The green clad ninja sighed as he watched the loose threads fall away from that sharp little stick. "Dang!" Gai huffed as he tried to pinch together the small hole in his pants. He was going to have to dash home and change otherwise fighting Kakashi today would be totally out of the question. Gai wouldn't be able to fight Kakashi Hatake with damaged pants, he couldn't suffer that kind of embarrassment in front of Kakashi. Not again, not after Assuma had dacked him during Tsunade's last Christmas party.
With his past embarrassments still fresh in his mind, Maito Gai raced home. His powerful legs pushing him twice as fast as his previous pace around Konoha. He didn't care who saw his bright pink 'Hot Stuff' underwear through the hole in his pants. He didn't care that with each step the hole grew larger and larger. The only thing Gai cared about was not being humiliated by that cool, chick-magnet with only half a face visible at any one time.
"Dammit!" yelled Gai as he ran down the market road, not pausing as he heard the chorus of laughter behind him at the Ramen shop.
"Fuzzy-brows! Fuzzy-brows! Look at you sensei, dattebayo!" howled Naruto to Lee. The blonde had one arm around his stomach as he laughed and the other around the shocked-stiff Rock Lee's shoulder.
"Gai-sensei…" whispered Lee, holding back the urge to cry.
Sakura had just stepped out of Ino-pig's flower shop when she saw the almost entirely green ninja run past. Crashing back into the door as Gai and his pink derrière came within two inches of her pure untainted body. "My eyes!" Sakura screamed, clawing at her eyes.
"Billboard brow what are you doi… OH MY GAWD!!" screamed Ino as she came to the door to see the commotion, her hand shooting up to her face in a vain attempt to hide her eyes.
By now Gai's pants were so badly torn now that all he had left was the flapping green material around his knees. It didn't slow his pace though and like a whirlwind of green and pink he zoomed past the barbeque restaurant. Mentally scarring all those who stood out front.
"Akamaru, don't look!" cried Kiba, throwing his arms around the innocent puppy's eyes.
"I think I'm going to be sick" whispered Shikamaru as he stepped over Hinata's unconscious body. This could have all been avoided if they had stayed long enough for Choji to have dessert and not left the safety of the restaurant when they did. "Choji?" the stratagist asked, turning to see Choji heaving up three hours worth of barbeque meat into a bin.
"I'll never eat again" moaned Choji, tears rolling down his bloated cheeks.
Sprinting faster and faster, Gai was so close to his home that he could almost cry. "I'm coming!" he shouted to his humble abode, as he dashed past a previously missing red eyed ninja.
"I knew I shouldn't have come back…" groaned Uchiha Sasuke, so horrified that he turned back to the gates of Konoha and slipped away into the shadows.
"I'm home!" yelled Gai as he came face-to-door with his daisy yellow, one bedroom home. He was so close that he could almost smell the spandex. "Yes! Yes!" Gai said, his hand wrapping around the polished bronze doorknob.
"Hullo Gai" came a voice, a very cheery, hip voice. The voice made Gai freeze, grimacing as the cool morning air tickled his toned thighs. He turned, his eyes filled with pure loathing as he found none other than Kakashi Hatake standing with a copy of Icha Icha Paradise at the bottom of the stairs. Gai's stomach knotted, was Kakashi laughing at him?
"How's it going Hot Stuff?" chuckled the devilishly cheeky Copy nin.
"Kakashi…" growled Gai, his face bright red with both anger and embarrassment.
"Looks like you've had a run in with the Pants Devil" sniggered Kakashi, a smile clearly visible from beneath his black mask.
"The what?"
"The Pants Devil. A malicious cunning creature that strikes down the pants of the innocent at the most inappropriate moments and Gai… You're the perfect victim. Just look at all the damage you've done!" said Kakashi. Using a thumb over his shoulder to pointing in the streets behind the two highly trained shinobi. Horrified, Gai staggered forward, astounded at the number of people who had vomited, collapsed or hurt themselves after witnessing his antics.
"Does this mean that today I win?" laughed the silver-haired shinobi, beginning to walk away from the mortified Gai (who was standing about in his undies still). By chance or some act of the divine, Kakashi dropped his copy of Icha Icha Paradise. Gai's eyes followed him as he lent over, tears of joy and laughter welling up as he heard the monstrous rip of Kakashi Hatake's pants. Bright yellow underwear visible for all to see.
"It looks like even being hip and cool wont protect you from the youthful Pants Devil, Kakashi!" laughed Gai, marching his pink clad behind back up the steps. The youthful Maito Gai turned to face Kakashi from the safety of the threshold.
"Oh and Kakashi, at least MY underwear aren't THAT embarrassing!" he laughed, pointing to the hugging blue baby duckies that covered Kakashi's yellow bottom. Slamming the door before the other ninja could get a word in, Gai waltzed over to the couch, satisfied with the conclusion he had come to. Even though this illusive 'Pants Devil' had struck Gai an embarrassing first blow, it was Kakashi who had been dealt the final blow and the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha who had (finally) had the last laugh. Opening up a packet of chips, Gai decided that today was his victory.