Authors note ...this is all a fanfic and is ment to be written by Kyle in a jornal style so enjoy
Hey dudes It's Kyle here I'm not really one for blogs I guess but Stan put me on to it so here goes these are the cold hard facts about me and my life
My name ... Yeah my name is Kyle Moses Abriham Broflofski given to me by my parents it is a long name I know and a biblical name but im just know as Kyle to everyone yet sometimes if I get my full name I know it's time to hide as it means I'm in trouble lol
Im Jewish ..yeah I'm a Jew and my beliefs are very importent to me I go to the synagog every Saturday morning even though I don't want to and I will go on to have my Bar Mitzvsh their what means at the age of 13 I will become a man sounds weird I know and I have to learn Hebrew too I have been to a lot of Bar Mitzvahs in the past and it's Bat Mitzvah for a girl in my view the party later is the best part I want a fun fair and disco at mine and asked for a mountian bike hopefully I will get it but being Jewish can have its drawbacks like round about Christmas and Easter and Cartman a boy in my class is always picking on me calling me a JOO he can't even spell and he even tried to start a second Holocaust dumb asshole with Mel Gibson urgh I'd rather forget about that carry on all over a dumb movie the Passion oh and another thing everyone knows that the Holocaust is a sort of touchy subject around me as my family are origanly from Poland and I did loose family in the camps though I know quite a bit on the Holocaust I'd rather not talk about it thanks
My age ...yeah I'm 10 years old okay not a teenager or adult I am aware of the fanfictions that make me in my teens but why rush me to my teens im 10 get over it I'm still a kid I play with my toys I like watching cartoons and attend South park Elementry where my teacher is Mr Garrison yeah he's an asshole but he's okay at times and I like to think I am the smartest kid in the class but if you want help I will help you I got Kennys grades back up again
My family ...I live with my parents my mom and dad I know my mom is overpowering and she scares a lot of people and started a war with Canada once but at the end of the day she's still my mom and I love her and if anything happand to her well I don't wanna think. My mom is a stay at home mom but she is active in a lot of groups like the Jewish mothers groups and a few others she used to work in the past not sure what at but since I was born she hasent worked ..My dad is a lawer in town and makes a good wage he's a good dad and shows a great intrest in me yet at times even he was an asshole when he got that surgery to look like a Dolphin he loves Dolphins now he just sponserd them ..My Brother Issic to give him his full name or Ike is the smartest preschooler in the history of South park and was sent to kindergarten at only 3 years old he's in reception class now and smarter than some of the kids in my class oh also Ike isn't my full blood brother we adopted him from Canada as a baby at first I didn't like him and thought he looked like a strange football hence my game kick the baby with him but he's too old for that now and would likly to kick me back but he's a good kid and I know he really loves me and hell I love him once we nearly lost him when his birth parents came to take him home which ment me teaming up with my friends to go to Canada to get him back but least he's going nowhere now and no he's no longer into Dora the explorer that was a phase he went through less said about how that came about the better
My eye couloir ..yeah I know that's a hard one some say I have brown eyes or Hazel but their forest green I take after my mom her eyes are green too Bebe a girl in my class says I have pretty eyes and I do have long eyelashes I got them from my dad
My hair..this is another touchy subject as I know my hair gets a lot of unwanted attention it is true I hate it and if I had my way it be buzzed short all over but my mom would kill me I am a redhead not ginger red ginger is orange and I'm defently not orenge and my eye lashes are dark if I was ginger they'd be ginger too like the Follet kids as their all ginger but my hair is a rich shade of red but it's not the colour I hate as the girl we call Red in our class has the same hair shade as me and she is pretty but it's the fucking style please excuse my swearing yeah I do curse so you have been warned but my hair is like an Afro but cos I'm Jewish it's called a jewfro and I was told a lot of people have one when I went of a family trip years ago it Isreal I seen a few people with the style but they had dark hair and if I didn't keep my hair under controle it be to my shoulders and like a foot or more wide and big my hair has a mind of its own I think and their has been combs lost in it once I walked around with a comb lost in it for like a week and I never felt a thing and it seems to absorb water so washing it is a nightmare takes ages and it goes frizzy too and seems to get bigger for the first 3 years of my life my mom refused to cut my hair and it was long I looked like a fucking girl so now in summer in the months mid or late April to about September I keep it tamed and get it cut so it is shaved down at the back and sides and around my ears and it's left a little curly on top that makes the hair much easer to manage and keeps me cooler yet I think the style looks dumb I'd love to get a Buzz cut get it cropped all over but no chance when I get my annual summer haircut mom comes too and tells the stylest how to cut it but it grows so damn fast and by the Fall it's a thick Afro again but keeps me warm for the winter and Cartman always teases me saying on you know when summer has arrived Kyle gets shorn like a sheep come to think of it he may have a point really oh and another thing I hate people touching my hair and trying to draw attention to it I inherited the hair from my mom but her hair isn't as curly as mine and she has hers under a a rock hard beehive style God knows with the amount of hairspray she uses the ozone layer must be gone now
My friends ...I like to think myself as popular and iv hung around with the same friends for years now I met them in Kindergarten yet I'm told iv known Kenny for longer his dad and mine were friends as kids and our moms are friends and Mrs Mccormick housed to visit bringing baby Kenny even I don't remeber I do have other friends outside the little group I'm with too if your nice I will talk to you but the boys I hang out with the most we have known eachother. Since we were like 5
Stan .. Stan is my super best friend don't ask me how he just is this guy is like my brother and NO were not gay as some people think sure we hug but it's a bro hug Stan has always been their for me and we have done a lot of shit together over the years and I hope one day when we're too old men we can look back fondly on our childhood remebering the things we did but we have had fall outs too even come to blows but we always make up Stan is a great friend to have
Kenny ...Kenny is okay we're friends but not close yet I know we should be as we met as babies mom said that I tried to steal Kenny's teddy bear and he pulled my hair as I was born with a mop of thick curls and Kenny found them fascinating he still does and loves to knock my hat off to see them but something happand with our parents and Kenny stopped coming around and I forgot about him till I met him again at kindergarten he wand I were at the Lego table he was building a house I don't know what I was making and he asked me if I had some spare white bricks and I did and that's how we got talking Kenny has his good points he's a loyal friend and very protective off his younger sister Karen the family are living in poverty and don't have much so Stan and I ushally help him best we can but in a way it is not like charity deep down I worry about Kenny im sort of aware he is abused at home his mom is into drugs but tries her best when she's not stoned and his father is an alacholic and rarly bothers about the kids also Kenny has been in care with his brother and sister too guess I feel sorry for him also he claims that he can't die for some reason and it's weird he has a tomb stone with his name and age on it yet I don't remeber him dying I mean if a friend died you'd be bound to remeber wouldn't you and another thing about Kenny that drives me nuts is he's right into porn he has a huge collection of filthy porn things and knows everything about sex and though he's 10 too a month older than me he's already had sex fuck sake he's perverted
Cartman ..can we pass on him as we'd be here to the year3000 ..what? No ah hell okay here goes what can I say about Cartman antisemetic raciest loves Hitler annoying nasty that's how I'd describe him really he's my enemy and loves to see me suffer he gets high on my pain he's an only child to well has a half brother who's a ginger lol but he killed his own father and made his half brother Scott eat them how sick is that okay the guy was an asshole but he didn't deseirve that I felt sorry for him and lernt you don't mess with Cartman he will feed your parents to you but he's pulled a lot of stunts in his time and has his mom wrapped around his little finger okay his mom may be the lochal whore but Ms Cartmans not that bad and she's always nice to us but Cartmans the biggest asshole on this planet I swear and has pulled a lot of crazy stunts worst one was like trying to start a second Holocaust also he ticked Butters another boy into thinking he was a ghost when we ignored him for stealing the skins off our KFC and making Kenny cry and one time we tricked him and snuck into his house one night and dyed his hair ginger and bleached his skin as he was bulling the ginger kids dumb asshole got all the gingers on his side and lead a hate campaign against us as the thought he'd really turned ginger we told him thr truth in the end and later when the ginger kids found our they kicked his ass but he's done a lot of things and him and I have come to blows too more times than I remeber and once I actully died and I had made a dumb bet with him I'd suck his balls he brought me back to life hoping I'd do it I didn't. Lol but like it our not I have a connection with him his kidney is inside me as one time I was dying really and needed a new kidney and he was the only match so to cut a long story short we ticked him and in the end I got his kidney and in a way he did save my life but dosent mean to say iv to be his friend doubt I'll ever will yet I talk to him so guess its a love hate relationship
Other boys in south park...If you mean the other kids like Craig Tweak Clyde Token and that yeah I get on well with them yet one time I fell out with them as they beat me up that was during the Metrosexual craze cos I stopped being Metro they didn't want me in their school but they apologised later Craig's sister Ruby hangs out with Kenny's sister Karen a lot their ages and are best friends Craig is okay he can be an asshole at times other times okay hos best friend is Tweek a nerviouse young guy he is okay at times but can be scary with the streaks and jerks and shaking they say he's got ADHD and other problems but really I think it's the amount of coffee they pump in him his parents own the coffee shop in town and are always forcing their son to drink it I think he had coffee in his baby bottle instead of milk when he was younger and also it's kind of affected his brain as he sees or claims he sees little gnomes that come in the night and steal his underpants yeah it's true crazy I know but Tweeks okay at times he makes me nerviouse a little being around him with the jerks and shrieks but he's harmless
Token is pretty cool at times but can be an asshole like the time with the Honey BoBoo and Fatty Doo Doo video he used to be the only black kid in town till Nicole moved in but he's the richest kid omg you should see his house it's huge and he lives in the gated community too securaty gaurds but they let me in as they know me also Tokens pretty smart too he's a good kid
Clyde is cool at times too and funny yet one time I have to admit I did feel a little jeliouse off him cos he was voted the hottet guy in school when the girls made a dumb list rating us boys on our looks I came last I was gutted okay I know I'm not the hottest. Kid in school but come on I'm not that bad really I later found out the list was rigged to make Clyde number one cos his dad owns a shoe store and it was Bebe Stephens that rigged it with some of her best friends Wendy found out Bebe has a shoe and purse obbsesion also Bebe pulled a gun on Wendy and got a stunt in Juvinile hall but when she got out her and Wendy made it up I never found out the true list but I heard rumours that I was Hugh up in the top 5 don't think I wanna know really
Timmy and Jimmy ... Thes are my 2 disabled friends that attend our school as our school has an elivater that means kids in wheelchairs and with other disabilities can come too Jimmy is on crutches and has a bad stammer but he's bright enough and a great comedian ong his jokes have me in stiches love this guy Timmy is in a wheelchair he's severily disabled cerable Paulsy and other things and he was very ill at birth had to fight for his life and had fluid on the brain and also all he can say is his name but he's a cook guy he and Jimmy are best friends one time they even joined the Crips thinking it was a gang for disabled people not knowing that it was a dangerous gang but in the end the Cripts accepted them and are now their friends wow
Butters .. Butters is a sweet kid Leopold is his real name he wasent born in the town but moved here when he was like 3 or 4 he's from Hawiii origanly but speaks with a strong southern accent and has a stammer when he's nerviouse but it isn't as bad as it used to be he is the only one apart from the adults that call Cartman Eric and I hate how Cartman takes advantage of the poor kid yet we have been a bit mean to him in the past telling him to get lost and once Kenny gave him a swirly flushed his head down the toilet and another time we were playing at Ninjas we wouldn't let him play do he went home and invented some charecter professior Chaose a bad guy and came back to challenge us but the game got out of hand when we accidently injured him we managed to get weopns really cheap at the county fair and Kenny got a cheap Ninja star and threw it at Butters. Almost knocking his eye out and to make things worse we dressed him as a dog and took him to the vet as if we took him to the hospital well we'd all end up in shit but in the end we apologised to Butters Kenny saved and got him a Hello kitty Plushie as Butters lives Hello Kitty and we became friends again Butters still uses his professor Chaos character when we were playing at super heros I was the human kite and I could fly and shoot lasers out my eyes cool huh
Crap iv ran out of paper now I'll need to make a second chapter well got homework to do for Garrison so I'll get chapter 2 done soon so hope you enjoy cya dude. k.B
Thats that chappy done I wrote it I'd Kyle was writting it lol next one coming soon