I, being an average human being, don't own Eragon.
Disclaimer: I'll be honest, this is really just something I did quickly so I could use it to understand how to post stories.
1. When he leans on you so you can help him reach somewhere, pull back at the last second and let him fall on the floor.
2. While he's scrabbling around in the dirt, offer to help him "find his contact lenses".
3. Ask him "How his old friend Yoda" is doing.
4. Sit on a stump of a tree trunk in a forest for 3 hours straight, then tell him about ants and nothing more.
5. If he gives you a stone tablet and tells you to make a fairth, do one of Arya, then give it to her so she smashes it. Do this repeatedly until he runs out of stone tablets.
6. Point at the stump of Glaedr's foreleg and ask him if he 'needs a hand'.
7. On his birthday, put a picture of a roast turkey in his birthday card, with the message "You sure you wanna be a vegetarian?"
8. Next year, give him some gel to help him grow pubic hair.
9. Every time he gives you a magic-related exercise, use an absolute.
10. When he instructs you on how to do the rigmar, ask him if he "really thinks he's going to make any money from this Yoga ripoff."
11. Grow a beard that would put ZZ Top to shame.
12. Remind him that you already have an alarm clock, therefore you have no use for his wooden one.
13. Every time he serves you a meal, pretend to say grace to every god there is. (Elves have no religion)
14. Tear up a science book in front of him.
15. If you're a girl, propose to him. (Elves don't practice marriage)