Choices, a jericho fanfic

Title: Choices

Author: Marianne H. Stillie

Categories: Introspective POV, Angst, Missing Scene after Why We Fight

Rating: T

Pairing: Jake & Heather

Season: Season 1 – 2 time frame

Sequel to: Too Late

Summary: In the tragic aftermath of the battle with New Bern, Emily has profound choices to make for the future.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places for Jericho are the property of Junction Entertainment, Fixed Mark Productions and CBS/Paramount Television. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks are intended. Previously unrecognized characters, places and this story are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Archive: Please do not archive anywhere without the author's permission.

Author's Note: This is the first of three stories that proceed directly from my first Jericho story Too Late.

Choices

In the four days since Jericho's final battle against New Bern, Emily Sullivan's whole world had changed again. She still wasn't sure if it was going to be a new story or the next chapter in the one she'd been living in since the aftermath of the bombs. She would have to wait and see as she worked her way through each day. As she stood beside her father in her driveway, she shaded her eyes against the early morning sunlight. Sighing, she mused that it was too beautiful a spring day for funerals.

"Give Jake my condolences, and my message, Em. Johnston Green is the only man in this town I had any respect for. I'd go with you, but…," he said in that strangely gentle voice he'd used since she told him about her pregnancy.

His decision not to drive her to the church service and the internment for the patriarch of the Green family and the other Jericho citizens who had died in the conflict with Constantino's hate-fed forces from New Bern was totally out of respect for the agony Gail Green was going through. The banishment from Jericho because of multiple incidents in the past had been added to with the mortar and launcher theft. That last was a minor thing to her father's way of thinking. When she'd brought it up last night, one of the many subjects their reconciliation had covered, he wouldn't give her any reasons, just asked her to trust him this one time. She wondered what new deals his 'business' was involved in.

"I will, Dad." Without hesitation she hugged him. His response was cautious at first, not sure if her show of affection was real after all the years of estrangement. Then she felt his arms tighten around her. "Come for dinner tonight?"

"Thanks, honey. We'll talk more about what we can do to find Roger."

Her father got into his truck and turned the key in the ignition. Normally, the always impatient Jonah Prowse would have gunned the engine and spun the vehicle's heavy tires backing out of her driveway, away from their latest confrontation. But not this time. There had been no confrontation or argument or bitter words. Father and daughter had, after far too many years, come to a special understanding about life and each other. The well-tuned engine purred as he slowly backed out. All the while his eyes were locked on her. Just as he was about to shift gears and head down the road, he smiled. Emily didn't hesitate to smile back and wave. His foot momentarily pressed on the brake, the smile grew brighter then he was gone.

Emily went upstairs to wash and dress. She still had over an hour to get ready before the funeral events and she needed all of it to finish sorting out her thoughts and feelings about Jake Green. Her father wasn't the only one she needed to come to terms with today.

Back in the kitchen, she made herself another cup of tea. Between sips at the table, she munched on the crackers she hoped would keep her stomach calm. Now that she knew what the increasing queasiness she'd felt in recent weeks meant, she wasn't sure whether to rejoice in the new life she was carrying, as her father was doing, or cry because she had no idea if her baby-to-be's father was alive or dead.

The one thing she did know was that she was grateful she hadn't become intimately involved with Jake again. She was able to admit that the kiss they'd recently shared was totally grief-based. He had been at his most vulnerable that day on the Richmond porch just after his father died. He had simply needed a connection to life and warmth after so much death. The kiss had been no more than a search for comfort, not a sign of their past love.

Her pregnancy had forced her to face the truth about herself, starting with her selfish manipulation of Jake, but most of all in her duplicity to Roger. She'd done all the outward signs that she'd moved on to a new life, yet inside she'd withheld a carefully hidden part of herself from Roger, never completely letting go of Jake's memory, and a deeply buried hope that her first love would come back for her someday. Since the bombs, she'd let herself drift back into the past, and had been gradually pulling Jake back with her, trying to recreate a love that was long gone. They were a 'sure thing' for each other, easy, safe, immediate, and she had been taking full advantage of the nostalgia. She was using Jake as an emotional crutch the same way she'd settled for Roger. Neither man deserved the screwed up, confused mess she was right now. She needed to reconnect with her father as a first step in making her own positive choices, ones based on the real world, not a fantasized, adolescent melodrama.

As she felt fresh tears growing, her index finger slid back and forth across the envelope that was on the table waiting for her to deliver it to the addressee. She'd recognized Heather's handwriting in the one simple word, Jake, she'd scrawled. Jonah had been very cryptic last night about how he'd come into possession of the letter. All he'd said was that she was safe and recovering from some injuries.

It was well after midnight when her father had headed for the guest room. She never would have read the letter if it had been sealed. As close as she was to both Jake and Heather, she respected the privacy of their personal feelings. It only took the first two sentences to make her realize how selfish she had been in her subconscious efforts to sabotage the strong attraction that had been developing between them since they'd met.

Heather's words to Jake were direct and impassioned. Her honesty in declaring her full feelings for him and hopes for a second chance brought out of hiding everything that was wrong with Emily's clinging to Jake. They weren't the same people anymore. His interest in Heather was an indication of his readiness to move on. The person he'd become while he was away didn't fit with her anymore. Heather was always fixing things and so was this new Jake. Even more, they were the best ones to fix each other.

Emily couldn't be angry at Jake for changing and growing as he'd so obviously done in the five years he'd been away. One of his most sterling qualities was his honesty. He would never use her for his own selfish needs. His grief at losing his father and Heather had been too much. What she was truly ashamed of was that she would have taken advantage of his vulnerability if time and events hadn't intervened.

With a start she looked at her watch to find she had only minutes to get to the church in town. She scooped up her purse and the letter and was out the door. She hoped she would find the right words for her apology and her goodbye to Jake when the time came that day.

The church service had been neatly structured, each person occupying his or her place in a pew, listening silently to the minister. The sniffles and sobs that had drifted through the candlelit space and punctuated the poignant ceremony of closure had been hard to ignore. Emily had listened while closely watching the front row where Gail Green was tightly flanked by her two sons.

At the cemetery the waves of sorrow were freed into the palpable air as the closest relative from each grieving family spoke about their loved one. Six eulogies for six lost citizens of Jericho left her drained and shaky, yet she kept herself isolated in the huge crowd of mourners. Again, the Green sons protected their mother. She thought it was odd that Eric delivered Johnston's eulogy. Only when Jake made his way to the front of the crowd, said a few words then went to each grieving family one by one, did she understand the true meaning of this day. It was a changing of the guard from father to son in a natural progression, and no one would be able to deny it in the days ahead. In those moments, Emily found a true admiration for this reborn Jake Green who was comforting others despite his own pain.

When she arrived at the Green house she headed for the kitchen. Thanks to the first waves of crops and the occupying military, there were adequate quantities of food available for everyone in Jericho again. She knew the other five homes were experiencing the same largesse from long-time friends and neighbors. She easily fell into the setup work along with Mary, Mimi, Bonnie, Darcy Hawkins and Jimmy's wife. All the while, she wished that Heather was there.

The flow of people in and out of the Green house finally dwindled, giving Emily a chance to approach Jake for the first time that day. She found him standing beside one of the big old trees in the backyard, staring at the ground where pinpoints of sunlight reflected off bits of broken glass mixed in the new green grass.

"Jake?" The sadness in his eyes when he looked at her almost broke her heart.

"Em. Thanks for coming. I know Mom and Eric appreciate it," he said with a noticeable catch in his voice.

Emily kept a safe distance between them. Any physical contact with him, especially now, would divert her from what she needed to do. "Your father was very special. I'll miss him very much."

The pain and emptiness that had reached acute levels with Johnston Green's death had altered more than just her former love's face. The loss came through in the whole set of his body as he stood there. All the words she'd rehearsed suddenly seemed pointless. What Jake needed was hope, and the letter would give him that. She handed it to him with a small smile. "It's from Heather."

Jake's expression quickly changed from shock to confusion to joy as he ripped open the envelope and began reading. The surprise in his eyes became total happiness, and in that moment Emily knew he had already made his own choices, about life, love and his future.

His smile faded and he looked at her concerned. "That day last year at your house, I told you something to the effect that if you find what you want, you don't need to keep looking."

Before he could continue, Emily smiled and said, "My dad said if you decide to make the trip to Nebraska to bring Heather home, go see him first." She held out her hand with complete trust in herself, "Friends?"

Jake smiled and took her hand, "Always."