Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers the movie. It belongs to Michael Bay and DreamWorks pictures. I'm not making a single cent off of this so please, do not sue me.
A/N: Lol, this idea came to me while visiting one of my favorite websites. Yes, for those of you who have not heard of it, this is an actual website.
S.S.S.S.S.S
"STARSCREAM!"
Cycling a long suffering sigh, Starscream rose to meet his commander. "Coming, Lord Megatron!"
It had been roughly three breems since Megatron's return and it had been pure agony! Earlier had been just fine and dandy, enjoying his role as leader when he got a message from the Constructicons that Megatron was resurrected. Oh, how he wanted to curl up into a ball and cry like a sparkling. Damn Megatron for returning. Damn Soundwave who initiated his resurrection... FRAG IT ALL!
Flopping onto his recharge berth, Starscream accessed the human World Wide Web and went to one of his favorite sites. It was one of his guilty pleasures, but really. What better way to take his mind off of his problems than reading about the unfortunate lives of insects and laughing at them.
He read a few entries and silently laughed at the plights of the squishies. He found one about a man whose twin female sparklings wanted a feline, yet the man was allergic to them so it was out of the question and he explained that to the young femmes. Then one of them had the audacity to ask "When you die, can we get a cat?"
Another one was about man who received junk electronic mail for enlargement of his primary reproductive organ, and it turned out the one who forwarded him the message was him mate. He almost felt sorry for that one.
Almost being the key word.
Then there was another one about a female had been accepted into a school that she had been hoping to get into ever since she was a pre-adolescent. However, it was too far and she didn't want to be away from her mate so she turned down the acceptance and a few moments later her boyfriend called her to end the relationship.
On that one, Starscream actually voted. 'You deserved that one.'
"STARSCREAM!"
Fist clenching, Starscream rose up and stalked to meet his infuriating leader again. "Yes, Lord Megatron!"
After another breem of his commander barking and demeaning him, Starscream returned back to his quarters, his mood not as light as it was before. Don the hall he could hear few other Decepticons, Shortround and Lugnut, cracking jokes about Starscream's latest visit with Megatron.
"Yeah, Megatron kicked the crap out of his aft again. The coward deserved it."
"I know, right... What a pussy."
"A what?"
"It's human slang word... It means coward... Or the primary female organ."
Both of them broke into cackles after that.
HIssing in fury, Starscream accessed the World Wide Web again, going to that site and went to a page he'd never visited before.
S.S.S.S.S.S
A few weeks later on Earth.
"See ya, sweetheart."
"Bye, Dad."
After waving goodbye to her father as he left the shop, Mikaela Banes turned back to her computer. It was a few weeks after the battle in Egypt. Sam was back in college and she was taking a break from her homework. She was currently taking classes at the local community college and working towards a degree in automotive technology.
Going to one of her favorite websites, she smirked when she read the first entry.
Today, for the fiftieth time, I received an e-mail that advertised how to enlarge your penis. I automatically moved my mouse to delete it but I noticed the forward address and it was from my wife. Fml.
Snickers erupted from her and she clicked on the voting link, agreeing with five thousand, nine hundred and seventy-two people that his life was fucked up.
"That's just wrong..." She reached down and petted Bones's head as he rested at her feet. "Isn't that just wrong... Yes, it is."
She scrolled down some more, reading more entries of people who had really crappy lives, snickering at some, feeling waves of pity at others and scoffing at the rest. Some people really did deserve the stupid crap that happened to them, like this one stupid girl.
Today, I received an acceptance letter from the school I've been dying to get into since I was twelve. The only problem is that it's across the country and I did not want to leave my boyfriend. So, I called the school to tell them that I would not be attending. Five minutes after I hung up with the school, my boyfriend calls and says he's breaking up with me. Fml.
Mikaela voted with the majority of those who read this entry and said that she deserved that one. She then rolled her eyes and took a swig of her Coke. "Dumb idiot..."
After ten more minutes of scrolling and reading, she started to grow bored and was about to go check her facebook when one entry caught her eye.
Today, I was enjoying another day of being the leader of my group. However, this irritating emotionless fragger grouped together a bunch of the underlings and brought back the former, inferior commander and I was forced to be, as they say 'second banana' yet again! I recently heard other members of my team making comments about how I'm a coward and... a slang term for a human female part. If that's the case then why do they gladly follow this moron whose face actually resembles the primary human female reproductive organ?! FML!
Mikaela blinked once, then twice then instantly cracked up laughing. "Oh my God!" If this is who she thought it was...
"Wheelie!" She craned her neck and called over her shoulder.
Tiny toy wheels whirred as the tiny bot zipped across the shop floor. He wheeled himself to her desk and climbed into her lap, waggling his optics at her. Ratchet had kindly repaired them when he had changed sides to the Autobots. The little bot smirked at her. "What's up, Athena-baby?"
Rolling her eyes and smiling at the little former Con she nodded to the computer. She didn't notice his tiny hand reaching for her chest. "Is that-Hey!" She swatted the back of his head and pried his hand off of her left breast. "Pervert!"
Wheelie rubbed the back of his head and shrugged, giving her a lecherous smile. "Sorry, but those are nice."
"Ugh!" She grabbed his hand and pinned it to his side. "Little freak, read that entry."
With a small sigh, Wheelie obeyed his mistress and read the entry. After a moment his screechy laughter filled the shop. "Ahh... that's what that overgrown parakeet gets!"
S.S.S.S.S.S
Deep within the caves of Saturn, inside the Decepticon ship, Starscream awoke from his recharge with the feeling of some foreign material in his olfactory sensors and he expelled violent bursts of mech fluid to clear the nuisance.
"Y'know what I heard?"
Starscream glanced up to see his wingmate and brother Skywarp reading a data pad.
"What?" Starscream asked.
"That there's a myth on that insect planet, in a country called Japan that when you sneeze someone is out there talking about you."
Starscream just shook his head and was about to go back to recharge when a voice rang throughout the ship.
"STARSCREAM!"
Clenching his fists and closing his optics, Starscream rose out of his berth. "Coming, Lord Megatron!" He then dropped his voice, muttering. "Slagging vagina-face... frag my life."
Lol, yeah, I advise everyone to visit fmylife dot com. If anything, it'll give you a huge laugh. :D