AN: Good day to you all! Sadly, this will probably be my last Maximum Ride fanfic (unless the sixth one is majorly inspiring, in which case there will be more) and I intend to make the best of it.

Now, as mentioned in the summary, one person walked away from this terribly bloody battle, and this person is a member of the flock. It's up to you guys to figure out who this one person is, and this person will narrate the entire story, telling you about the events that led up to the battle and eventually where this character currently is in life. This character will delve into the past and share some things that have never been shared. It's really quite interesting how this person got caught up in all this trauma, and (s)he will tell you firsthand... Enjoy!

If Only…

Summary: It's been exactly seven years since a terrible battle involving the flock played out in a forlorn forest clearing. But what really happened on that day can only be told by revisiting the bloody past and unlocking the secrets of the flock's sole surviving member…

Chapter One: This is Now

I walk through the dense trees, pulling my coat around me tighter. I am slowly making my way through these lonely, forlorn woods. No one else knows of where I am going, what my purpose is. No one even knows where this gloomy place is.

I hear a branch snap, causing me to swiftly turn around. A buck. Nothing more. Paranoia is a constant companion of mine nowadays. I guess that old habits die hard. All these years and they still haven't died. I continue to walk forward, seeing my breath mingle with the air before me. It is cold, and I can feel the iciness throughout every fiber of my being.

A cool wind hits me, causing the hairs on my arms to stand on end, my feathers to go stiff. I am getting closer; I know it. For some reason, it's always several degrees colder there, and always breezy.

Help me…why…how could you…please…

Who am I? What is wrong with me? Why can't I hear myself think?

Please just let me die! I can't bear it anymore!

I shake my head, a futile attempt to send the voices away. Coming back here always taps into the fountain of pain that is buried deep in the dark heart of this wood. If only the world knew of all that had happened here…

The trees are getting closer together, making it so that I have to squeeze in between them and twist my body this way and that. To me, they seem an endless maze with no exit. One can easily get lost in this forest, just as easily as they can lose themselves.

…mercy…have mercy on me please…spare my life…

I can't see! Let me see! Why is there only darkness?

I pull my hat tighter to my ears, though that will do nothing to stop me from hearing. These voices are not audible; they haunt me directly through my mind, gripping my sanity and toying with it endlessly.

This is why I hate visiting graveyards, ones with tombstones and ones without. This one is of the latter.

I test myself every year, push my boundaries to their farthest limits. Sometimes, I pass out in the middle of these woods, too exhausted to function. Others, I collapse and scream. If someone screams as loud as humanly possible, and there's no one there to hear it, is there still a sound?

But then again, I'm not completely human. And I guarantee there is a sound.

This is it. I'm really dying. All those times I thought it would happen, and now it finally is happening…

Where is she? I can't die yet, not if she's still alive! I have to live for her!

Can you hear me? Please wake up! You can't do this to me! You can't leave me! You promised!

I must try…maybe there's hope…

Don't forget…please, promise me you won't forget…

I never will forget, even if I sometimes wish I could. I can hear them all now, and I know that it's just ahead. I can hear their screams of agony reverberating through my mind. I feel a pain shoot through my gut, remembering the bullet that was once there. An ache spreads through my head and I almost feel the blood dripping through my hair.

There's a break in the trees. This is it. I feel the chaos explode in my brain, contaminating everything within reach. Their voices are louder now and as perfectly as I remember from that day.

Where is everyone? Where'd they all go? I have to find them, I have to warn Max. She has to know we were betrayed by—

Max! Where are you? Max, please help me! If I know you're still here, I can make it through…

FANG! Don't! You promised me! Please don't! Wake up, Fang!

Angel, are you okay? Angel, I'm sorry, I really am. I wish that—

Breathe. Why is there blood? Everything hurts! Why is there so much pain?

I wince and stumble at the edge of the clearing. There's still snow on the ground, but none of it is red with blood like it was that day. My blood, the blood of the flock, their blood. So many lives were lost in this barren field, just seven years ago. My own life feels lost, too.

I close my eyes, trying to hold back the tears, and I take another step forward. I hear others now, too. Screams. Shouts. Cursing. Praying. So much agony held in this one place, this one innocent-looking clearing in the woods. If only people knew how far it was from innocent…

I remember the blood. There was so much of it, everywhere. The trees were splattered with it, seeming to die along with everyone else. The snow wasn't even pink at the end; it was a solid crimson color by the time I crept away, struggling to hold on to the little bit of life I had left.

That was the single most difficult moment of my entire life. It hurt so much to leave them all behind, warring with each other to the death. Enemies turned on enemies, friends murdered friends. They were so intent on ending it all that they even killed their own allies. This is for the greater good, they'd said, the good of us all.

But they hadn't informed us of this 'greater good,' nor of what our role in it would be.

My feet hit the very middle of the clearing and I open my eyes. I still hear them, hear them so distinctly. But what troubles me most is that not only do I hear their despair; upon opening my eyes, I can almost see this battle playing out, this battle for our lives and deaths.

This is my life. Every year, on this day, the day it all went down, I come back to this very spot in this very wood, away from any curious eyes. I try to honor their memory and not let myself forget who I am, what my family made me. Being here, I sometimes want to die with them, or blow away in the wind, or stay still until spring and melt with the snow. I just want to fade away with my breath.

I stand here, frozen in this forsaken battlefield. It is terrible to see their deaths playing out before me again, all the while I am absent from the scene. I wish I could help them, bring them back to me somehow, save their lives. There are so many regrets locked away in my heart, regrets and guilt. Endless mountains of guilt.

One of them shouts my name and I turn to look him in the eye. I had never known that he had been here. My well-built barrier shatters in that instant at the sight of him and the tears flow out uncontrollably, along with the truths to the many lies I'd told myself.

But one truth rings out louder than the rest.

They're dead. They're dead and it's all my fault.

AN: So a couple of people have been eliminated from the list of possibilities of who the narrator is. The entire story won't be this miserable, I promise, because the narrator will be going into the past, when everyone was still alive.

Check this out: Kudos and a chapter dedication to everyone and anyone who can tell me the name of the narrator. Of course, to tell me you'd probably have to review... In that case, HAPPY REVIEWING!!