Title: Teacups are the Joy of Life
Fandom: Syfy's Alice/Disneyland
Disclaimer: Don't own either.
Characters/Pairings: Hatter/Alice
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers for series. Some Oldskool!Disney!Hatter bashing.
Summary: Hatter would leave Alice for this teacup.
They'd been weaving their way through the crowd of children, parents and various Disney characters when Hatter suddenly stopped, his eyes wide and a look of childish wonder crossing his face and making a home there. He took off his hat and placed it over his heart.
"You didn't tell me about this part," he whispered, as if speaking louder would forever destroy the vision in front of him.
Alice frowned, quickly scanning the crowd for anything out of place. If she'd been with one of her friends or her mother, Alice would have assumed that said friend or mother had caught sight of a beloved character and needed a minute to compose themselves before daring to approach and demand an autograph and picture. As this was Hatter, Alice could only imagine what had caught his attention. She had learned very quickly that were Hatter was, violence and mind games quickly followed. Seeing no sign of a gun or sword in the crowd, Alice felt rather cheated. They'd been dating for two months, she was supposed to know all of his quirks by now, according to Cosmo. Sometimes, Alice wondered why she continued to turn to the magazine for relationship advice considering the fact that it obviously wasn't written for a girl dating a Hatter. Then she would remember the fact that she hadn't had a stable relationship since ever and the only other source of advice was her mother, who was still rather confused as to who Hatter was. Nope. Better to stick to Cosmo.
Deciding that bluntness was the answer and that Hatter was too distracted to notice her inability to be a proper girlfriend, Alice tugged on his sleeve. "What is it?" She demanded, adopting a defensive pose.
"Ssssssssh." Hatter hissed, barely breathing.
Alice squinted. If she wasn't mistaken, there were tears in his eyes. She relaxed slightly. So... no threat?
Hatter's hand snapped out to grip her wrist.
"Ow." Stupid boyfriend's stupid right hand with the stupid really strong fingers. She was going to bruise. Which was most definitely not impressive on a karate instructor. She would have to come up with a good cover story when she came back. Perhaps a mugging?
"Come on!" Hatter jammed his hat back on his head before dragging her through the masses to whatever it was that had attracted his attention. Before Alice knew what was what, she found herself in the line up for --
"Tea cups?" Alice knew that her jaw was somewhere down by her knees. But seriously! Mr. Hi!-I-know-that-you-don't-know-where-you-are-or-what's-going-on-and-that-you're-stuck-in-a-wet-dress-and-that-we-have-all-this-obvious-sexual-tension-going-on-between-us-but forget-that-for-now-because-I'm-going-to-be-manipulating-you-along-with-everybody-else-we-meet-along-the-way-because-I'm-a-badass-resistance-fighter-and-I'm-off-to-free-Wonderland-and-maybe-cut-off-a-couple-of-fingers-along-the-way. Him! He'd been crying over a kiddy ride! "You dragged me over here for this?"
"Sssshh!" Hatter glanced around as if he expected to be jumped by Cards at any minute. Seemingly satisfied with his survey, he caught up his girlfriend's hands. "Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Just look at them, Alice! All pink and blue and yellow and purple and green. And that one over there has flowers!" Hatter's eyes were misty at this point and his voice kept breaking. He took Alice by the shoulders. "Alice."
Alice wasn't above admitting that as a small girl she'd often imagined her fairy tale wedding. She'd marry a prince and have one of those romantic kisses where she'd be dipped so low her hair would touch the ground and random music would burst out around her as her one true love touched his lips with hers. After her father's disappearance, she'd quickly grown out of the dream as she now had to concentrate on bringing daddy home, but like all dreams a spark still remained.
Of course, it probably would have been more romantic if Alice hadn't been initially confused as to what exactly it was that Hatter thought he was doing as he placed his hands around her waist. It also would have helped if Hatter hadn't dropped her when their turn was called.
"Come on, love!" Hatter raced over to the teacup with yellow sunflowers and hoped in. Alice stomped after him, her fingers itching to rip out his eyeballs. So close to her six-year-old self's dream! She plunked down beside Hatter, choosing to ignore how he kept stroking the side of the teacup and cooing at it.
"Aren't you a lovely… yes, you are. If I'd had a cup like you, I'd have never left Wonderland. Not for all the Alices in the world."
"Excuse me?" Alice was sure that even Cosmo would agree that she was allowed to take offence to that.
Hatter took one look at her and shrugged. "You could have stayed with me in my tea shop if I'd had this cup." His eyes turned misty again. "We would have spent the rest of our days drinking tea, and turning Club against Spade and spreading nasty rumours about Jack Heart." He sighed. "It would have been wonderful."
"What is it with you and tea?" Alice was not sulking. No siree. And her arms were not crossed nor was she pouting. Not that Hatter even noticed.
"Alice, Alice, Alice. Don't you know that tea is greatest invention of mankind after hats?" Hatter paused. "I miss my tea shop. When we get back I should open up a new shop and we should take this cup with us."
Right. Time to step in before Hatter got carried away. Alice took his hand. "Okay, first of all, that would be stealing."
Hatter blinked.
"Right. Okay, first of all, this," she patted the teacup. "Wouldn't fit in either of our suitcases or on the plane."
Hatter's lip trembled. "And second?" He sobbed out.
"That was my second." She wrapped her arm around his shoulders. "Just try to live in the moment, okay? We'll take lots of pictures, okay? And I'll put them in an album for you and you can look at them whenever you want."
"Could we maybe hang a picture of this one over the fireplace?" He sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve.
As if her mother needed another reason to think her daughter's new boyfriend was weird.
"Sure!"
Hatter immediately perked up. "Right then. How does this thing work?"
"Excuse me," came a clownish voice. "Is this seat taken?" The question was barely asked before a man wearing a tall, green hat and orange pants handed in a blonde girl wearing a blue dress with a white apron.
Oh shit. Alice glanced at Hatter to see how he was dealing with these new guests. But besides a raised eyebrow at the Mad Hatter's hat, Hatter didn't seem that bothered by the fact he'd entered the twilight zone. Alice breathed a sigh of relief. Why had she even been worried in the first place? Hatter wasn't going to get upset over something as silly as Disney's version of him.
"So, who the hell are you supposed to be?"
Dammit.
The Mad Hatter laughed as the teacups began to turn. He grabbed the disc in the middle and turned it with gusto. "Isn't it obvious, young man?"
Alice grabbed Hatter's right arm. Perhaps if she were able to hold on long enough they could all get off this ride relatively in tact.
As the music for "A very merry un-birthday" blared from the speakers, Hatter's face turned pale.
"No." He turned to Alice, clutching at her hand. "Alice, do you hear that music?"
"Hatter? What's wrong?"
"Hatter, eh?" The Mad Hatter cut in. "That would explain the hat." He laughed as if he'd said something witty. Hatter's hand clenched. "I happen to be a Hatter myself."
Hatter's eyes widened. "What."
The blonde Alice giggled. "First name Mad."
"Shut up." Alice glared at them. She stroked Hatter's hair. Her boyfriend was currently hugging his hat as if it were a lifeline.
"Alice…" Hatter tugged at her dress. "Why are they playing the Queen's propaganda HERE?"
"This song is from Wonderland?!" Alice was not freaking out. She just needed to get off this ride already before Hatter passed out from nerves.
"They did say this was the happiest place on Earth," Hatter muttered. "I should have known."
Mad Hatter and the blonde Alice stared at him.
"What's his problem?" The blonde Alice asked.
"Nothing!" Alice glared. The blonde Alice shrank back.
Hatter stood up in his seat. "Don't worry, Alice. I've got this."
Mad Hatter reached for him. "Hey dude! You're not supposed to stand up on the rides!"
Hatter kicked his hand away. "A Hatter, are you? Well, Mad Hatter… I think you're a fake. And this is why!" With that, he flicked out his hand, sending a hidden knife straight for the sound system. Hatter watched with satisfaction as the knife plunged into the electronic mass and burst into thousands of sparks. He looked down his nose at the Mad Hatter. "Could you have done that, mate?" He smirked. "I thought not."
He would have said more, possibly to the accompaniment of his right fist, if Alice hadn't grabbed him by the shirt collar and made a run for it. Hatter waved mournfully over his shoulder.
"Goodbye teacup. Till the next life." He turned to Alice. "Alice?"
Alice didn't say anything.
"I have to ask you a very important question and I want you to answer me honestly."
Cosmo hadn't covered this.
"Alice... was he supposed to be... me?"
"Yes."
"Ah." Hatter pulled her to a stop. "Thanks for clearing that up for me love." He turned around. "Now, if you'll just give a minute. I need to break his head."
Shit. Think Alice, think! "Hatter! If you don't stop right now, I will never have sex with you ever again."
Hatter stared at her. "You wouldn't," he pleaded.
"I would."
Huh. Turned out Cosmo was right about most things male after all. Even if said male was from Wonderland.