A/N: I tried to write them as much in character as possible, mostly Balthier. Please enjoy! :Meresta
Summery: It was Vaan's turn to read between the lines. BalthierxVaan; Oneshot
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: MalexMale pairing, suggesting possible use of drugs, some ingame dialogue, many hidden meanings.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XII.
Past Present
Thief
"Try to relax your shoulders more, you look like you're having her child instead of flying her."
"Right." I responded quick and realized the latter of the sentence too late to take it back. "Hey!"
A shrug was the result.
These are just fragments of the moments, I can't seem to get out of my head. Bits and pieces of a time long gone, yet never forgotten. Even now, I can not live a day without thinking about him, numerous times. I can't go to sleep, without trying to picture my life as it could have been, I can't wake up without hearing you say.
"You're awake."
I got myself back on my feet and looked around, brushing some sand off my skin.
"Where are we?"
"Prison, where else? More a dungeon, but it's really all the same."
Ah, the good times. I had just met you, and the woman you were with. I can't repress a smile when I think back of our first confrontation; you two scared the hell out of me. You never heard me admit it, I guess some things never change. The admiration you gave rise to was another thing, I never stated true. After all, I was a stubborn thief, you were a proud pirate.
"Whoa!"
"This is the Strahl."
I almost shrugged at your words, they sounded so..simple. As if she was nothing but a mere conveyance, instead of this beautiful, beautiful airship. I was in awe.
"She airship enough for you?"
The notion to close my mouth came just in time to keep back from a 'Hell yeah', but it didn't stop me from thinking it. He invited me inside and showed me what this gorgeous ship was capable of. While he rambled on and on about her arms, speed and gadgets, all I could hear was the voice of a sky pirate, directed at me.
The Strahl loved him, one of the little mutual feelings he ever shared. Airship she might be, but she leaned in to his every touch and hummed contently every time he flew her. A bond to be jealous of, though I had never thought myself capable of feeling jealousy towards a ship. I guess I had never thought myself capable of feeling love towards a sky pirate either.
"I thought we had an agreement on those starfruit leaves, Vaan."
"I'm not high, Balthier."
"You're three miles above the ground." I resisted the urge to punch him and felt a tear creeping up instead, suddenly wanting to feel solid ground beneath my feet.
"Just..never mind, ok? Forget about it." Turning to make my leave, I prayed he wouldn't call for me on my way out. The Gods were cruel, for my prayers were heard.
Once back in my cabin, I let out a string of curses able to make a devil cringe.
I fell in love with him, or at least I think I did. It could have been admiration or adoration all the same, but every time he walked by, the scent of his aftershave made me stop in my tracks. Every time he glanced my way, my heartbeat sped up, even when he was just looking at something behind me. Every time he spoke to me, I had more trouble to maintain my posture, than I had to understand his pirate slang.
He noticed, of course he noticed, but every time we were confronted with my love struck behavior, he swiftly joked his way out. Strangely enough, it hurt more being too stubborn to confess, than it hurt watching him brush off my feelings like I brushed off the sand, that very morning in prison.
To be honest, I was frustrated. I despised myself, for not knowing who I was anymore. That hollow feeling of being powerless, it made a turn and punched me in the face just when I thought I had gotten rid of it. Meeting this man, gave me a goal; surpassing him. But now, this had been taken from me too. I didn't longer want to surpass him, I wanted to be equal to him, able to stand next to him.
Love, I know nothing of. I have loved my brother deeply and I still do, even after his death, but that love can't be compared to something as..stupid as this.
He loved, sure he did. He loved his freedom.
"About earlier..I'm sorry."
He looked up from the engines, but I avoided his eyes.
"Why?"
I blinked, not expecting this kind of response.
"Well..that's..uhm.."
A sigh.
"I ought to be the one saying it, but I won't and you know why." I nodded, feeling that familiar sadness wash over me again.
"This treasure is one I have gained through sacrifice. I didn't escape Archadia to hand my freedom to a crush."
I knew. I had known all along, but these feelings didn't seem to understand. To him, freedom meant more than anything in the world. Being with me resulted in having to give up part of that freedom, he fought so hard to gain, and I wasn't worth it. I just wasn't worth it.
So, I did what I knew I had to do: I left. I left the clan and abandoned my future as a sky pirate. He didn't even try to talk me out of it, something I felt sad and grateful for at the same time.
Now, it's over. I ran out of chances a long time ago, yet I regret not taking them, every single day. It hurts my mind to realize, you were just like me. I was too stubborn to go after your heart, you were too proud to capture mine. That night in the engine room, those words you said to me, what did they really mean? Was it my turn to read between the lines, or were my hopes too high?
When you said, you wouldn't hand your freedom to a crush.
Did you offer me to steal it?
Fin.
Reviews are very much appreciated!