Sam grabs the toddler's hand, gripping it tightly. She presses her lips together, and sighs loudly. "I'm leaving today because I've got to do what's best for us."
"How is this best for her? Angelica needs her daddy."
"She needs stability." Sam says, as she slams the door. Freddie groans and slams himself down on the creaking couch. He hears his daughter voice down the stairs. He sighs. Freddie waits half an hour or so to call Sam, and then does.
"Sam, pick up your phone. I love you. Please," Freddie pleads on the message he leaves.
He shakes his head and kicks the table holding the phone. It flies to the other side of the room, and the crackled message dies out. He shakes his head. He knows it's his fault, and he knows that Sam needed time to forgive him. He thinks about a month ago. When he was coming in, waking the baby at ungodly hours of the night. She put up with it. She said, "Okay, this is a minor bump in our road. But it's fine, because I love you. We'll get through it." Now, she said that she didn't know if she loved him anymore.
And that killed him.
She was protecting her little girl. He understood that. Who was protecting him? She comes back in three days, says "Life keeps getting in the way." He knew what he meant. There simply wasn't enough space in the world for them to be a couple. It wasn't meant to be. He got that. That doesn't stop the horrendous sting she left behind. She lowers her eyes and he says he's sorry.
She knows that.
The little girl that left him behind is getting bigger. The little girl that left him behind isn't there anymore. He doesn't really know the little (sorry, she's getting so much bigger now) girl who left him behind. She's a year older. She's four now. The little girl who left him behind doesn't know who her daddy is. The daddy the little girl left behind doesn't know who she is.
None of them like it that way.
Mama bear never let her cub come to any harm. But baby cub left the cave. And now baby bear doesn't know who she is. Daddy bear only sees her once a week. Baby cub is confused. Mama bear doesn't know what to do with her runaway baby. She tells her to be a big girl – she's four now after all. But she just cries. Big girls do cry. She knows that because mommy cries, and if mommy cries, then she can too.
Baby bear turns seven, and her parents get back together.
Baby bear still doesn't know who she is.
It's almost perfect at first, when she sees that first clue. It's like the puzzle is finally coming together after missing a piece for so long. Angelica squeals and asks Sam properly. She nods. She doesn't look too happy, but Angelica leaves her. Daddy is coming home at last! Sam tried to make the house nice, tided everything, even Angelica's bedroom.
"Darling, please don't make a fuss." Angelica thought her mother looked beautiful that day, dressed in a flowing blue dress, her hair pinned back, and her best pearls on.
"You look lovely, mama." Sam smiles sadly. Everything went great. Until a few months later.
"How am I supposed to know that you need a break? The absolute cheek of it too!" Sam screams, so loud and high pitched that Angel wakes up with a start.
"You didn't let me see her, not the other way round!"
"The state of you when she was born; you couldn't remember her name!"
"Well I didn't see her for more than a second at a time!"
"Oh, shut up will you!" She hears her mother's footsteps out the door. She creeps down the stairs.
"Daddy."
"Yes?" Angel sits on her dad's lap. He smoothed her hair.
"Where's mommy?" Freddie inhales sharply. His hand freezes by her temple.
"Mommy is out."
"Yes but why?"
"I don't know why, baby. Go on, go to bed now."
"You were shouting."
"No," Freddie says, uneasily.
"Yes, daddy."
"Disagreeing."
"Did you really not remember my name?"
"No, darling. I remembered."
"Okay, daddy," Angelica says, though Mommy doesn't come back in the morning. She doesn't show up on Monday, or Tuesday, or even on the weekend. Mama bear's porridge was far too hot, obviously. Baby bear's chair is broken. Her comfort, strictly speaking; everything just fell out from under her feet.
Baby bear doesn't know who she is.
Daddy sends her to school the next week. Gives her cereal and tells her to grab her backpack, and then she's shoved onto a bus. "But mom-"
"Bye, sweetheart!" An then she's waved off. Mommy's breakfast is still a bit hot. She struggles through her lessons. Sam leaves a message on the answer machine. Angelica gets in first, Freddie is out. She doesn't know where he is and quite frankly right now she doesn't care.
"Hiya, sweetheart, it's Mommy. Listen, whatever happens, baby, I will always love you. If daddy lets you down, don't get upset. Pick yourself up. Okay. I have to go now." Angelica hears her mother biting her nails. "Don't be upset."
She's nine and doesn't really understand, but she has a hunch that will be the last she hears of her mother. She saves the message.
Baby bear packs a bag.
Baby bear sets off for the world.
Baby bear doesn't know who she is.
But she's just finding out.
A/N:
This was going to be a Seddie story, and it started with Sam channel surfing but then it got a bit depressing, cause I changed tack. Anyhow, I hope you like it. It probably got a little boring or confusing but anyway.