Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural

Pairing: Cas/Dean (so malexmale)

Rating M (Yesss definitely)

Finding Home

It was a dark and cold night in October when Dean left the house of his father for good. His mother was long dead, his brother Sammy had left a few months ago and Dean even asked himself why he stayed with his father that long without anyone to keep him company. He had been a lonely child and teenager in school, with his father moving so often for a new job that he didn't even remember the names of the schools he went to. And what did it matter now? For over a year he had worked in his father's garage. It was either him or Sammy and so Dean had decided to take the job, to take over family business so that Sam could get a nice education at college. This meant that Dean was stuck with his father but he would do anything to make his brother happy.

Working with cars hadn't been that bad and it was something Dean was really good at. His father wouldn't pay him much but at least he had a home and sometimes a meal on his table. Until today. When his father came home drunk again he shouted so loudly that Dean slammed the door to his room shut and turned up the volume of his radio so that he wouldn't hear his father yelling after him. And he didn't hear him come up the stairs. The young man heard his father when his door was yanked open and the man came in so fast and furious that he wasn't even able to defend himself.

He didn't make a sound when his father pushed him off the bed, shoved him into the nearest wall and beat the shit out of him so badly that Dean was barely able to breathe when John Winchester was done with him. His face hurt like hell and Dean supposed that his eyes were swollen and his lip split. Which was normal. His chest hurt like hell and breathing was hard for him, so he slowly dragged himself into his bathroom and checked his appearance in the mirror. He was right: his left eye was already swollen shut mostly while the right one grew an impressive purple around the edges. His lips were split in three places as far as he could see under the blood. When he pulled up his shirt to see the full extent of his bruises he winced in pain because pulling his arms up hurt like hell. His whole chest was already covered in cuts and old scars but now it got purple as his eyes as well. He tried if his ribs were broken but at least that hadn't happened. With a sigh he turned away from the mirror and without even thinking grabbed an old bag from his closet.

"That's it." He mumbled and stuffed some shirts and jeans into the bag as well as some towels and other things he would need. What he didn't need was more cuts, more bruises, more terror from his father. Dean was done with John Winchester and he wouldn't be his faithful slave any longer. The man was sure he would find a well paid job as a mechanic or something like that and then he could afford a small flat for himself and his father would never know where he was. His father didn't even know where Sam was and Dean kept it a secret so that his brother was safe from the old drunken man. For a moment thought about going to Sammy but as his brother was totally absorbed with his studies he would just be a heavy weight bound to his leg so Dean decided against it. He needed time alone, he wouldn't be a nuisance for anyone again. Leaving his room behind was easy, he had nearly nothing he called precious to him, just a photo of the two Winchester brothers that he took with him, everything else wasn't worth carrying.

Carefully Dean walked down the stairs though his father was already fast asleep on the sofa as usual after beating up his oldest son. He didn't dare to be too loud as to not wake the man. Even more carefully he grabbed the car keys from the kitchen counter where John Winchester usually left them and then went out of the door, out into the cold night, covered by darkness. The Impala greeted him with silence but once it roared to life Dean felt better. He turned out of their driveway, no actual direction in mind, just out of here. With every mile he drove he felt more and more free he would never go back or even look back. The only person he would visit from time to time was going to be his younger brother. Dean hoped that Sammy wouldn't throw a fit about Dean leaving their father just like this, taking the man's car with him. What did it matter now. Dean was gone and gone for good.

Finding a job when you don't have a place to live isn't that easy. That was one of the lessons Dean had learned within the year he was away from home. Sometimes a garage owner would let him work for a few bucks but it was hardly enough to pay for food. He didn't need much though. His stomach was used to being empty so he didn't complain. The second lesson he had to learn was that selling your car when you don't have a place to sleep isn't a good idea either. It had only been a question of time that Dean would sleep out on the streets or under a bridge. Sometimes he travelled on, wouldn't stay in a town for too long as people soon got annoyed by the homeless and he felt like he wouldn't bear this.

Long story told short: he was completely useless by now and had no place to sleep, no job to do, no money to spend, no food to eat. And he had never felt so damn lonely in his entire life. It was like he was plainly invisible. People just passed him by and didn't look at him. Or pretended they don't see him. He can live with that but by the time his clothes got more and more dirty and he even was thrown out of stores from time to time so he wouldn't bother the other customers.

Today was even worse: he had five dollars and all he wanted was a Cheeseburger or something like that, nothing special just food. But his clothes were stained and greasy, he looked like a complete mess and didn't dare to enter a store or restaurant. He should wash his clothes in a laundry but this would cost him at least 4 Dollars. Shit. He walked around the small town he just stayed in and thought about what he could do. His stomach growled and made its opinion clear: food. Clean clothes won't help him get to sleep. He sighed deeply and made his way over to a small diner he had seen when he came to this city. It looked not too fancy maybe if the employees had mercy on him he might get something. If not… well there was always Sam he could go to but his brother barely had money for his college and so Dean hated to think about asking him for anything. Sammy would be glad to help him though. It was hard and for once Dean needed a person to trust and whom he could talk to. That was another thing: no one listened to a man living on the street. So he just got more and more bitter and was silent. It was the easiest way. No wonder some of the others under the bridge were slowly going insane…

When he stood in front of the diner he sniffed and the smell of fresh food was delicious. His stomach growled even more and urged Dean to walk in there and get some fucking hamburgers. Or cheeseburgers. Or French fries. Just something. The man felt his mouth watering just like his eyes. For the first time in his life he was afraid. Afraid that he will be thrown out again like so many times before. Maybe digging through dumpsters wasn't such a bad idea… Shit. 'Get your attitude back together, Winchester. You're not afraid and they are not a tiny bit better than you!' He tried to tell himself though he knew that it was a lie. They were better than him because they had jobs, food, clean clothes, apartments, cars… He was just a shadow out on the street. He should have endured the beating of his father a little longer… Maybe he would have been able to get a job, pay for an apartment of his own, get away. But it was too late for regrets.

A heavy drop of rain made Dean look towards the sky. Heavy clouds were hanging above him and he could read the sky well enough to know that it would rain for the whole night, for days maybe. With a sigh he walked up to the door of the diner. No need to get soaked before he entered, that would make his appearance even worse. So he grabbed the door handle, pushed the door open and was greeted by a nice atmosphere. He had expected neon lights and white walls but instead the inside was kind of cozy, the walls lined with dark wood panels and cushioned seats lined the tables. There were few people but everyone who was eating was looking up at him, looking him over and he felt naked. More than naked, more like exposed. Slowly he walked up to the bar that was at the far wall. He didn't need to sit down, he just wanted a burger.

When Dean got closer to the counter he saw the man behind it with his back to him. He was nearly as tall as Dean with black hair and he hoped that he was also friendly. At least tolerant enough to serve him. When Dean came closer the man turned around and the older Winchester brother was caught by the bluest eyes he had ever seen in his life. The face was friendly, he smiled broadly while Dean came towards him. Wow, that was new. And this guy was really gorgeous, Dean instantly smiled back at him while his heart began to race in his chest. Fuck, that really was new. Not unpleasant just…strange.

"Hi." Dean said and was greeted equally by the man. After a short scan of the menu Dean decided to take a cheeseburger. "I will wait outside, no worries." He added quickly after he had ordered and the waiter gave him a puzzled and confused look that was kind of sweet. Dean read his name tag. Cas. Strange name but he felt like it might suit this man very well.

"Why would you wait outside? It is raining heavily and cold. Just take a seat." With that he turned towards the kitchen and left Dean staring. Normally he wasn't welcome and most people were glad when he waited outside. Perhaps Cas hadn't realized that he looked shabby? Well, it was nothing you could miss unless you were blind. So Dean obeyed and made his way over to a small table as far away from any customers as possible and folded his hands in his lap, enjoying the warmth in this place and watching the rain fall outside, content for once because he wasn't outside soaking wet. His thoughts went back to his current situation. He either needed to get a job or an apartment. Both would be most helpful but he wasn't sure how he could get one of this while he literally had nothing to start with. Living out on the streets didn't bother him because it was uncomfortable or cold or wet. He hated it because he truly was good for nothing, just a man that nobody would see or notice and if they did they looked at him like he was scum. He deserved this. He hadn't thought when he had left his father's house but going back was impossible. His only option was his brother but Sam would need all his money for himself, Dean would just be a burden. There was no way out of his situation and he sighed, resting his head in his hands.

"Bad day?" The waiter asked way too close to Dean and the man nearly jumped out of his skin. "Woah, no need to start like that." The man said with a concerned expression and placed his tablet on the table to unload what was on it. Dean followed Cas' movements with wide eyes. He had only ordered a cheeseburger but the waiter placed a plate with potato wedges, a salad and a huge burger in front of him.

"I – I just ordered the burger, so… well you know… I cannot pay all these things…." Dean said in a whisper. He would love to eat all the things and it smelled delicious.

"You're invited." The man in front of him said with a shrug. It was nice of him but Dean wasn't sure if his dignity liked this.

"N-No, you can't just do that… I will try to get some money… Pay you tomorrow." To his utter astonishment the waiter sat down in the chair opposite. Wasn't he even a little bit uncomfortable around a homeless man? If he was it didn't show on his handsome face. Cas gave a sigh and stretched his long legs in front of him, he seemed worn and tired just like Dean.

"Look, we will close in about half an hour, this was already prepared and if you will not eat this, I will have to throw it away." It was a plain lie and Dean knew because the potatoes and burger were still hot. This was made fresh for him. "Hope you don't mind me sitting here for a few minutes. Mine was a long day. But you didn't answer my question earlier…" For a second Dean was stunned and puzzled but then he began to eat and gave a dry laugh.

"Bad year, actually. It didn't turn out as I expected leaving me where I am now." He told the waiter who just nodded. Out of the corner of his eye Dean saw the last customers leave the diner and slightly relaxed. "It hasn't been easy but at least I got away from my father."

"Sounds like he wasn't the best of all fathers…"

"Yeah…" Dean nodded and bit into the cheeseburger. It was great and he smiled broadly.

"Glad you like our food." Cas changed the subject and Dean was glad for it.

"It's great." The man confirmed.

"How long didn't you eat?" There they were again far out of Dean's comfort zone.

"Few days." He mumbled as an answer though he knew perfectly well that it had been four days since he last had a slice of bread. Cas sighed heavily which made Dean aware that he had lowered his defenses too soon, too willingly. But hell, this man was so nice to him that he wanted to trust him instantly. And what could the waiter probably do to him? Kill him? Dean didn't think about that possibility too close because he really wasn't afraid of that either. "Why do you care? I never met anyone who did before." He hated himself because he sounded unthankful but Cas just shrugged again.

"I had some bad months as well. I wasn't living out on the streets but… well… it was close…And I guess this made me aware that some people are not responsible for the bad situation they are in."

"I AM responsible. I just ran away from home. It was… inevitable." Cas eyed him closer and his eyes really showed concern, they showed that the waiter even CARED for a man he barely even knew.

"You said you had to get away from your father… He beat you back then?" Dean stopped eating his burger and laid it onto his plate.

"Look, you are a stranger to me, I don't know more than your name and yet I tend to tell you everything. How do you do it?"

"Mind control." The man grinned but then went quickly back to being serious. "Kidding. You just look as if you haven't talked to someone in ages."

"Yeah… that mostly covers it. Not since I've seen my brother the last time. More than a year ago. I-I don't have any friends, I never stay for too long in a town… It's just… well… I don't know… I feel bad for living like this, I never wanted it. I want a job and a home, some friends, a normal life. Nothing fancy. But my father… Yes, he beat me. Drank too much, got home, grabbed me… bruises on my face and torso mostly, it never got too much to bear." Cas stared, not believing what he had just heard.

"No one should bear domestic violence…" He whispered which made Dean laugh but it dies in his throat when the man in front looked up into his green eyes. He really fucking seriously cared. This topic wasn't new to him.

"They did it to you, too…" It wasn't a question and now it was Cas' turn to avoid Dean's eyes.

"Yes, kind of." He admitted then and for a moment they both fell silent.

"What happened?" Dean asked and those azure eyes looked back into his. Cas looked so sad.

"I don't even know your name…"

"Dean. My name is Dean Winchester." This was the first time that he said his real name and it felt good. He trusted Cas. Really did.

"Dean…" Cas tried the name on his tongue and smiled while speaking it out loud. "Nice to meet you." The smile faded from his beautiful face and Dean already missed it. "It was… difficult. Not violence as you might expect it…" That was definitely as far as this would go. Cas got up from the table and smiled at Dean again as if there were no dark thought flying around the table like evil birds. "You finish this and I will close down. It is already late." He walked back towards the counter but then turned around to Dean again, something in his eyes that the man couldn't quite place. "Please don't just leave without a word, okay?" His words actually came out as a plea. Whoa! The waiter actually begged for his presence? And it flattered Dean, it felt great and again his heart leaped into his throat.

"I'll wait until you are finished with everything." Dean promised and smiled to himself. Maybe this evening wasn't as bad as he had expected. To be true: this was the best day in years and for the first time in years he didn't feel like he was nothing. He watched Cas cleaning the counter and tables, then he went back into the kitchen and Dean heard him working there for a while. When he got back to Dean he wore a trench coat and looked at Dean expectantly.

"I'm ready. Let's call it a day." Dean wasn't sure what Cas had in mind when he followed him out the door. For a split second Dean wished he had left earlier so Cas wouldn't see that he had nowhere to go to. Outside it was still raining and after Cas had closed the door to the diner he walked over to a car in the far corner of the parking lot where a sign said 'employee parking only'. Dean followed him but hesitated when they got closer to the car. The waiter unlocked the door and waited for Dean to come over. "What are you waiting for?"

"I – um… what?"

"Get into the car. Hurry, I don't wanna stand in the rain all night."

"But…"

"Get in." His voice was commanding and his face turned into that of someone who was used to giving orders. This time Dean obeyed, opened the passenger door and slipped into the seat. "See? Much better." Cas smiled and started the engine while Dean still gaped at him.

"Where are we going to?" He wanted to know.

"My apartment." Cas answered as if this was obvious.

"I still don't understand, Cas…"

"Dean!" This voice again. Dean wanted to hear more of it, it was deeper, harder and it pulled a string in him, that he hadn't known until now. "You need a bath, some clothes and a place to stay the night. No arguing, you're coming with me." Settled.

…

Dean had his small bag over his shoulder and followed Cas up the stairs to his apartment. He felt strangely at home when they entered the small living room. There was a huge sofa and the walls were lined with bookshelves which were crowded with books. Dean read some of the titles and found that Cas read nearly everything. It fit perfectly into the picture Dean had of his new found friend. When he looked around further he didn't find a TV. The waiter seemed to spend his free time between the pages and in full silence.

"This is great." The man said and gently lowered his bag to the floor. He didn't dare to let it have contact with the sofa or carpet because it was covered in dirt and Dean felt ashamed that his only belongings were shabby like that. So he just stood in the middle of the room, scanning the books and waiting for Cas to say something.

"Glad you like it." The man smiled and hung his trench coat into a small closet by the door. He mentioned for Dean to follow him and lead him into the small bathroom that was only available through Cas' bedroom. Dean glanced around and found the walls equally covered in books and some were also piled on the floor next to the man's bed. A huge bed that was and for a split second Dean imagined him lying there with Cas, holding him in his arms, embracing him like he would never let him go. What the… The older Winchester brother shook his head to get these thoughts out of it. He wasn't gay. He had never even considered and just because Cas was the first person being nice to him didn't mean that he had to pay him like this. But those deep blue eyes… It was as if Dean would stare into the depth of an ocean. The slightly unruly deep black hair was a perfect frame for those eyes and handsome face with the strong jaw line and slight stubble that covered his tan skin. Dean had never thought that a guy was beautiful but Cas definitely was. Shit. 'Think straight, Winchester!' He thought and nearly fell into Cas' back when the man stopped in the bathroom.

"You dreamin'?" Cas asked with an amused smile and went to the bath tub to fill it with hot water. He added a bath lotion that smelled like him and Dean guessed that the black haired man had used it before him. "Towels are over there." He pointed to the fluffy looking pile of colorful towels. "Take your time. I will wait in the living room."

"T – Thank you, Cas." Dean murmured, still surprised by the man's generousness and confused by his thoughts just a few minutes ago. His eyes followed Cas when he left the bathroom and Dean couldn't help but admire his view. He should hold it together, because tomorrow he would leave to never see this man again. The thought hurt. What has he gotten himself into? He didn't know but it wasn't unpleasant. Slowly he stripped off his dirty clothes and as he didn't know what to do with them he just piled them on the floor and stepped into the hot water. It was great. At the moment there really seemed there seemed nothing more wonderful than slipping into the water. With a content sigh Dean closed his eyes and soon drifted off into a slumber.

…

Cas sat on the sofa, a book open on his lap, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes staring out of the window into the dark night. He got insane. He really got insane! What sane person would take a homeless man into their apartment? Paying for his food was one thing but that Dean now sat in his bath tub was – normal standards used – just dangerous. What if this man was some psycho who would kill him for a few dollars in his sleep? That thought had knocked on the back of Cas' head before but he had ignored it, because… this wasn't a normal situation. When Dean had come into the diner Cas' heart had skipped a beat and then went on beating so rapidly against his chest that he was sure he would faint. He wasn't gay. Never had been but this man made him think this over. He looked into the direction of his bedroom and could see the bathroom door from his position on the sofa. Dean was in there, most likely naked, his lean body covered by water and foam. Hell, it was torture to think about it and his hands began to shake. He wouldn't touch Dean. What would the man think. But it was so damn tempting to reach out his hand and grab the handsome face of this man, pull him closer and kiss him.

The waiter sighed heavily and thought about the things that had happened in his past. Love was not meant for him so longing for another person was SO out of question that he banned the thoughts with a shake of his head. He should have learned his lesson ages ago when his life had broken down to pieces. Trust was wrong, it lead to betrayal. So why had he brought Dean with him? It seemed so easy to trust him… Cas buried his face in his hands and tried to clear his thoughts but it only resulted in him imagining Dean lying on his bed, that smile – that smile that made the skin next to his eyes crinkle and his lips look full and kissable – on his face and Cas' hands all over his well toned body.

"Cas? Is everything okay?" A voice too close to him asked and said man startled back to here and now, his breathing heavy, partly from shock, partly from his previous thoughts. Dean took a step back as not to startle him further. "I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean to startle you." Cas looked closer and inwardly cursed himself. Dean wore just a towel around his waist, his perfectly muscled body left for him to see. He stared. Knew that he did but could only stop after what seemed like an eternity, so Dean had noticed for sure. Oh Gods, he had. There was a smirk on his face – had it been so beautiful before? – that made Cas blush deeply.

"I – I never…" Cas fell silent the second he realized what he was about to spill out and kept his mouth firmly shut in a tight line.

"What?" Dean asked with a small laugh as he watched a nervous Cas on the sofa. He had seen the man's eyes roam his body, he had seen the slight blush on his cheeks and he had seen the spark in his eyes. Dean wouldn't simply forget this man after leaving this apartment in the morning. His heart would fall apart and his thoughts would revolve around Cas, perhaps for all of his life. And Cas looked as if Dean had the same effect on him. The attraction was strange but it was there and most of all it was strong. He had absolutely nothing to lose so he walked over to where the black haired angel was sitting, standing in front of him, looking into these ocean blue eyes. He held his gaze and Dean knew that there was something. The same as in his own eyes: confusion, surprise, fear and endless lust. Without further hesitation Dean straddled Cas' leg to the sofa, positioning himself on the man's lap, his hands resting on his shoulders. And oh, how the blue eyed admired his view, he let his eyes drift slowly over Dean's body, memorizing every curve and muscle beneath the bronze skin, taking in his scent.

Dean just sat there for a while, neither man saying a word. Cas' eyes wandered up over Dean's chest and prominent collarbones over his neck and chin to his full pink lips that looked so inviting, so full of life that Cas wanted to feel them. The man above him smiled again, a content smile. Dean really wanted this like he wanted it. With shivering hands Cas grabbed the sides of Dean's face and pulled him closer, until their faces were only inches apart. They stayed like that, enjoying the electricity between them, their breaths hovering over lips before Dean finally closed the distance, crushing their lips together in a fierce kiss. He instantly split Cas' lips to kiss him deeper. The man beneath him gave a slight moan at the new sensation of kissing a man. It felt nothing like he knew, the kiss was harder, full of longing but it was great, relief actually. He grabbed the back of Dean's neck and pulled him closer so that the man's body was warm against his own and he looked forward to getting rid of his own shirt to feel skin on skin.

When they finally came apart for air Cas' eyes were clouded over and he looked so fucking hot that Dean dived down for another kiss that left them both breathless. When he sat back this time they shared another intense gaze. He wanted Cas. More than he ever wanted anything in his life before. And not just for tonight, he wanted to keep him close, in a cage maybe or on a leash so that no other person on this world would try to get their fingers on what was his. "More!" Cas' breathed out, his chest heaving with every breath he took. With shivering hands Dean grasped the hem of the other man's shirt and pulled it over his head. He wore nothing underneath and Dean was glad for it, his hands instantly sneaking around the waiter's shoulders, both men moaning at the sensation when skin met skin. Cas was so warm, it was like he was glowing from the inside, radiating heat that Dean was eager to absorb.

Their hands roamed over each other's bodies, Cas desperately clung to Dean and let his head fall back against the back of the sofa so that Dean attacked his neck with his lips, kissing sucking, biting the soft flesh that was there. He would leave marks so that everybody would see that Cas was taken. He was Dean's now! With a low growl Dean ground their hips together which caused Cas to make a sound somewhere between a mewl and moan. It felt great and neither of them was able to stop what was about to happen. It was as unstoppable as a storm and they let themselves get carried away in strokes kisses and touches.

Cas grabbed a handful of Dean's hair and pulled him up from showering his chest with kisses, demanding another kiss from the man above him. He let his tongue slip into Dean's mouth, licking his way over his lips, tasting all of him. He yearned for more, wanted everything Dean had to give. So he urged him to stand up and reluctantly the other man obeyed, so that they were standing in front of the sofa, grabbing each other for dear life while Dean's hands wandered down over Cas' back to his ass and he deftly let his fingers grab the flesh, making Cas melt into him with a loud gasp. Dean pulled their groins together. The waiter grabbed Dean's wrists and now it was his turn to throw the man onto the sofa, crawling above him and pinning Dean's hands above his head with one hand, caressing his naked skin with the other.

"I want you, Dean." Cas moaned, his voice so full of need that Dean shuddered. Said man just squirmed under Cas' hands, his body arching into the talented hands. The blue eyed man's hands went down to pull away Dean's towel and admired the man underneath him when he was fully naked and obviously needing him.

"Cas..." Dean was shocked that the word sounded so much like a prayer, like worshiping. He fell for this man faster than he thought was possible and his name was all he could think of. At first Cas was gentle with him, this was new for both of them but soon they both got greedier, faster, needed to feels the other's body until they both shook with ecstasy. Dean shuddered under Cas' movements against his body, it made him mad and he let go completely. For the first time he felt at home.

They didn't sleep that night, Cas took Dean in every way possible. On the sofa, against the wall, in the shower and later Cas gently carried an exhausted Dean to his bed where he took Dean's breath away for the last time before they went to sleep. When Dean was nearly dozed off he heard Cas' voice near his ear, the beautiful man's breath ghosting over his face and ear.

"Please... don't just leave in the morning." He pleaded like he had when Dean had been in the diner. It sounded as if he was afraid that the younger man might leave him without a word. Dean had considered it but at the moment it seemed just impossible. He would see what daylight would bring. For now Dean was content and fell asleep while Cas' fingers gently grabbed him and pulled him close to his body. He had never cuddled after sex and he decided that it was wonderful.

…

When Cas woke up in the morning Dean was the first thing he thought about. The man wasn't in his arms any more and for a second Cas panicked. That was before he opened his eyes and saw the man curled up next to him, one arm under his head, the other stretched out towards Cas. So he took the hand closest to him and linked their fingers together. Now that the night was over the waiter feared that Dean would regret what they had done and leave as soon as he could. Cas didn't want him to leave. He wanted him to stay. He wanted everything.

"You stare at me." Dean mumbled and opened his grassy green eyes with a smile. Gods, he was even more beautiful when the morning sun shone in through the windows.

"And I like what I see." He dared to say which made Dean smile even brighter.

"Was this your first time? I mean... with a man..." Curiosity urged him to ask this question. Cas nodded briefly.

"Yours?" Dean's turn to nod.

"There have been women. But you..." The older Winchester brother broke up midsentence and averted his eyes, suddenly too aware of what he was about to say. They barely knew each other, things shouldn't happen so fast, right?

"Do you regret last night?" Cas had to ask this for he really wanted to know what Dean thought about all this.

"No. No, not one second. But..." His voice trailed off and Cas' spirits sank. Of course there was a But, of course it all was far from perfect. Who had he tried to fool? Himself as always. What had he thought? Bitterness grabbed him. Love and happiness wasn't meant for him, so why had he even thought about a happy end.

"...but?" He asked anxiously and Dean came closer grabbing Cas' face in his hands before lowering his lips onto his, kissing him gently, reassuringly. Cas trembled under his hands, he was afraid of Dean's answer.

"What now? I am nothing, Cas. I own nothing, I have nothing to give, no life just... nothing." With a sigh Cas closed his eyes and gathered all his courage. He understood very well what Dean was saying.

"Just stay, Dean. Stay with me. Find a job and live here with me. When you earn your own money you can pay your share of the rent but for now just stay here. With me..." He finished in a whisper. This sounded great but Dean refused to become a burden to this man. Cas was a wonderful person he deserved someone who wasn't broken, he deserved a nice wife whose life wasn't a mess. And for this black haired angel it must be so easy to find a nice woman.

"Cas..." Dean whispered back but was hushed with Cas' lips against his own. Just one more time he wanted to feel this man close to him, he wanted to savor this moment before Dean left him for good. He should have known that reason would win over his heart. Just his luck. But for now he wanted to pretend that everything was going to be okay and so he shifted positions, lying above Dean who smiled up at him and broke his heart. Trust was written all over his young face that would soon be gone from this town. A tear slipped out of Cas' eye and before the man beneath him could see it, he bent down, kissed him endlessly and took him one very last time before he would be left alone again.

He had a whole heart to give but no one ever took it. Love wasn't meant for Cas.

…

It was still raining heavily when Dean stepped onto the train. He didn't look back, his blank face just staring ahead, his thoughts with the wonderful blue eyed angel he had spent the last night with. It felt strange to leave him now. It was as if they were meant for each other, Dean really felt his heart ache when he thought back at Cas' hurt face when he had left him. He couldn't stay. He was just a good-for-nothing, a burden. What could he probably give Cas in return for his generous offer? In another life it would have worked out.

The train started. Dean wasn't even sure where it was going and what did he care? Another town, other people and he would be the same. A homeless roaming the streets for a place to sleep and some food. He would never meet a person like Cas again, he was sure.

Days passed by and Dean found himself thinking of nothing but Cas. Cas. He really missed him but was it even possible? It had been just one night, nothing more. They had barely spoken, they were strangers. So why was is so hard to leave Cas behind.

'Because he is your angel and you know it.'

…

Cas had tried to find Dean. After two weeks he thought he had hunted him down but his clue led to nothing and it made him feel even worse than before. Hope was just an illusion he had learned it the hard way and now again. He was so damn stupid that he couldn't believe it. Life had been cruel and it still was.

Weeks stretched into months but still Cas couldn't stop thinking about this man. He missed him. And he wasn't even sure if he was still alive. Maybe something had happened to him. Living on the streets was dangerous. Sometimes Cas cried himself to sleep. Just like he did tonight. It hurt to be alone when you know that someone is out there who would make it better. Cas had tried to date women but they just didn't have those green eyes and tan skin and handsome face. One night with Dean had spoiled him for any other person he might meet.

For the third time Cas got up from his bed and washed his face. The mirror greeted him with the picture of a man in bad shape: the stubble around his chin was worse than before, his cheeks hollow and the dark rings under his eyes made him look older than he was. He had lost weight. Strange how he still felt the impact of Dean's departure as if it had been yesterday and not two months ago. Cas had tried to steel his heart against any emotion. He had tried it in the past and he had tried when Dean had left but it wouldn't work for him. He just was not a person who was able to put their emotions into a locker. Eventually they would come out and hunt him down. So much pain in his life hadn't killed his hope yet and he wished it was different. He hadn't left such a big impression on Dean as the younger man had on him. It was just as easy. So why did he still bother while the other did not? If Dean would care he would be here right now, holding Cas, soothing him to sleep. The mere thought brought tears to his eyes again and he looked back into the mirror. It felt as if he had lost so much and that he didn't take it like a man made it worse.

He went back to his bed, rolling up into a small ball, waiting for sleep that wouldn't come.

…

Dean was back in town since three days. He had seen Cas a few times, watched him from a distance and since he had seen him the first time again his heart hammered in his chest like it wanted to punch sanity into his brain. This was more than anything he had ever felt before. It was crazy but what could he do? Cas might have forgotten about him by now, went on with his life. Dean had seen him go to work in the afternoon and coming home late in the evening. He still worked at the diner where they had first met. Dean still remembered that evening so well, he dreamed about it nearly every night and then woke up with his heart hurting in his chest, one word on his mind: Cas.

The last weeks and months had been hell. It got colder every day and it got harder to find a place to sleep or stay the night. Sometimes Dean would just wander around at night and sleep during the day in some abandoned warehouse. It wasn't so cold during the days but he wouldn't sleep long, his dreams making it impossible to close his eyes again. He could only face them once in a while and one time per day really was enough for his worn heart.

Now he stood in front of Cas' apartment building and looked up to the windows he knew were Cas' he could see a dim light from the bedroom, maybe it was the light in the bathroom. It went off again after a few minutes and everything was dark again. Dean walked over to the door, studying the name plates. N. Walker, S. Walsh, C. Novak… That must be him. For minutes Dean's finger hovered over the name, he was so afraid. What if Cas didn't want to see him? What if he was angry as hell? What if… so many questions. He would get the answer if he ringed the bell but fear made him lower his hand. Even if there was nothing to lose Dean feared that his heart might break completely if Cas made him leave again. So much fear because of just one man. Dean had lived through many shit in his life but nothing had bothered him as much as the crush he had on the black haired, blue eyed, beautiful angel who lived just here and had shattered his whole world. What a fool he had been to walk away from him. Maybe this had destroyed everything and it would be his own fault.

To hell with all fear and angst! He would never find out if he hesitated for the rest of his life and with a sudden courage he pressed his finger down onto the bell. He heard it ring upstairs and hoped he wouldn't startle Cas to death. Waiting had never seemed so long as it seemed now… When Dean heard the door buzz open his heart pounded even harder in his chest. The stairs up to Cas' apartment seemed endless and his body felt so heavy that he thought he might just fall onto the staircase and die there. He wanted Cas. He really wanted him. And not just that, he truly NEEDED him. Cas was all he could think about and that meant something, right? His hopes and fears mixed in his chest and stomach, he was awfully aware of his again shabby appearance when he walked the last few stairs and Cas' door came in sight. It was open, the man leaning against the frame, looking down the stairs who was disturbing him that late at night. Dean gulped. Suddenly he couldn't remember how to breathe because Cas was even more handsome than he remembered. He was thinner, his face worn and tired but he still was the man who stole Dean's heart.

When Cas realized that it was Dean who came up the stairs he made a step towards him, blue orbs full of hope and more. Dean recognized the same feelings behind his blue eyes that he saw in his own when he looked into a mirror.

"Dean…" The name fell like a prayer from Cas' lips and Dean shuddered, a feeling of warmth washing over him. Yet he didn't know if Cas wanted to see him. He was shocked, that was sure. The man made two more steps towards Dean and without any hesitation pulled him against his body, hugging him so tightly that the last bit of breath was knocked out of Dean's lungs. "Don't leave me again. I swear I'm gonna find you and kill us both." Dean smiled.

"I won't." he looked up into Cas' eyes that he had missed so damn much. "I'm yours, now."

"Yes. Yes you are." Cas whispered before kissing Dean with all the longing and need that was in him. And it was a lot. Not seeing Dean for more than two months had been hell. When they finally came apart for air Cas grabbed Dean's collar and pulled the man into his apartment, closing the door behind them and pushed Dean up against it. "I will mark you as my possession." He growled, sounding dangerous, while attacking the green eyed man's neck with his lips, sucking so hard it hurt. Dean endured the pain, enjoyed it even for it meant that Cas still wanted him. He lifted his head higher so that Cas had better access to his neck, sucking and biting him there, leaving dark marks in the shape of his lips. It felt great.

"C-Cas…" Dean whispered after a while, his head dizzy from the man who was so near to him. "Cas, stop." The man looked up, hurt in his eyes but Dean just smiled at him. "I need a shower…" he added. Cas took a step back which was obviously hard for him but he gestured towards the bathroom.

"Hurry." His voice was dark, hushed with desire while he watched Dean walk towards his bedroom and bathroom. Gods, he wanted him now. For a few minutes it worked to sit on the sofa and wait for the other man but it definitely took too long for Dean to clean himself. Cas was shaking from head to toe with need, his whole body fully aware that Dean was just a few steps away from him, seeking him, wanting him.

Five minutes after he had vanished in the bathroom, Cas followed him and listened. Water was still running, it sounded as if Dean took a shower but what did Cas care? He opened the door and entered the room, seeing that he was right: Dean had pulled the shower curtain shut and was under the hot water. The man didn't think twice. He got rid of his own clothes, pulled the curtain aside and was greeted by Dean staring at him with wide eyes. "I told you to hurry up." His voice was barely a whisper, raspy, speaking wasn't what he had in mind. With one step he was in the shower next to Dean, pressing him into the wall instantly, crushing their lips and bodies together. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' neck instantly, kissing him back with all he had.

"I missed you, Cas. I missed you so damn much." Dean muttered when Cas' lips trailed down his neck and shoulder, kissing his collarbones, chest and flat stomach. He was shocked when he felt that Dean had lost weight like him. Ignoring this fact for now he gently bit into the prominent hip bones and was delighted by the urgent moans that were torn from Dean's lips. Cas wanted to taste him again and got up, kissed him hungrily, loving the feeling of their tongues dancing around each other. When he was done ravishing his mouth thoroughly he turned the other man to face the wall, pressing himself close to his back while gently grabbing his length and gently stroking up and down. Dean saw stars, he had missed Cas way too much. He had never been so attached to another being.

He groaned deep in his chest when the raven haired man kissed the side of his neck and his ears, the hot breath driving him insane. "I love you, Dean." The younger man shivered violently in his arms, his head falling back against Cas' shoulder as he tried his best to hold himself together, but the words were to much for him to bear, he had never thought he would hear them and they took him completely off guard, making his mind spin and he felt his body spiraling upwards. He couldn't do anything and helplessly came into the gentle hand surrounding him while moaning in pleasure.

"God, Cas..." He panted, instantly exhausted from coming undone so that Cas gathered him in his arms and carried him over to the bed.

"You will not sleep tonight, Dean." He promised.

"Do what you want. I love you, Cas, so much."

… … … …

"I thought you would never come back to me." Cas whispered against Dean's temple while he held the man close, arms surrounding him as if he would never let go of him. And he wouldn't. The night had showed him how much he needed him, how dull his life had been without him. Being alone was something he wouldn't stand again.

"I tried. I'm just a burden for every person I ever met in my life and you deserve so much more… So I tried to forget you but couldn't." Dean's face turned slightly red. "I dreamed of you. Every night."

"I can't believe it… Nobody ever said something like that for me… Nobody ever came back just because of me, this is all so new to me. And I'm still afraid you might stand up every second and leave me for good. Would be just my kind of luck…" The younger man remembered what Cas had told him the first evening in the diner. Curiosity was strong in him, he had to know. He wanted to know everything about his lover. Every dirty little detail of his life, no matter how bad it might be. He would love him anyways.

"The first time we talked, back in the diner, when I told you about my father you said that you had experienced something like that. Is that why you say such things?"

"Dean… It wasn't violence as you might expect. Someone just destroyed my life. She did it right under my eyes and I was so blinded by her lies that I didn't notice. When I did it was already too late. She took everything I had: my house, my car, most of my possessions… And I was the one who willingly gave it to her because I thought I was in love. Well, maybe I was though to even think about it now gives me the creeps. I was so disgusted by myself… So I had to start all over again. With nothing. But I was lucky: I got a job so I could afford this small apartment. That was what I meant when I said that I was close to living on the streets like you did." Cas sighed heavily when he thought back. It still made him feel like a stupid fool. "The worst thing was that she pretended to love me until she had everything she wanted. Then she just left me, laughing at me because I was so naïve. You don't forget something like that easily, so I thought, well… You just went out the door as if nothing had happened between us." Dean swallowed hard. Yes, he could well imagine what it must have looked like for Cas: a night of fun, food, a place to sleep… Shit….

"Cas, I'm so damn sorry…. I didn't know… It was selfish of me."

"No, it wasn't. You meant well. But I don't care where you come from and what brought you here. I just WANT you, Dean." 'For the rest of my life' He nearly blurted out but that would be just a little bit to sappy, so he bit the words back. Dean already knew well enough how much he was needed and that was enough. For now. Now he needed to see what time would bring. Maybe the man could help him overcome his fear of betrayal and hurt. He seemed determined to do so. With swift movements Dean sat on the bed and over Cas, looking down into his wonderful eyes. He hoped he would wake up to these depths for the rest of his life.

"You got me. And I won't go anywhere okay? I will find a job, stand on my own feet and pay the rent. It will all turn out well."

"Promised, Dean?"

"Promised, my angel."

END

-Don't tell me you cannot fall in love as fast as Cas and Dean in this story. I did. And I still love how it began ;)