A/N- for a humor challenge at Lost-Forum I attempted to be funny…. And can honestly say that I did it the only way I know how: by using vulgarity and brevity
One Track Mind
It started late at night. He came to her, woke her by force from a slumber too brief and too peaceful. His desires were plain…he always wanted the same thing from her nowadays.
"No…No Sawyer." She began but he was insistent, he was relentless, "No…Sawyer please…I…"
Kate looked at him with big, tired eyes, "I'm tired….please let me sleep."
"I can't help it if I need you, Freckles." Sawyer drew a line of kisses down her neck, "Go ahead…resist. I love persuading you."
I know you do…but in her mind she just wanted to push him off of her and go back to sleep. She could never sleep anymore. All night he kept her awake with his constant unending needs and desires…stuck between that rock and hard place she was simply a vessel of satiation.
Finally she gave in, she groaned and stretched and let him take her where he would. It was dark but you could hear the cries reverberating against the walls, falling over everyone who could hear them. Anyone listening would know exactly what was going on inside that house….
"I have never seen a baby eat so much in my life." Kate grumbled as Sawyer settled a crying baby in her arms, he reached towards her chest but she batted away his hands, "Hold on there, Tex, I'm not letting you near them…that's what got me in trouble in the first place."
Even though she was grumpy and tired you couldn't mistake the mirth in Kate's voice.
Sawyer watched as she fed the baby, a smug smile on his face, "Sugar, don't blame me cause you wanted to breastfeed. If you gave Junior formula I could feed him at 2 a.m. but no you HAD to breastfeed and guess what I am just plain out of? Breasts filled with baby-milk."
Sending him her patented death glare she gently stroked the baby's downy blonde hair.
"Suckles like a piglet, don't it?" Sawyer was fascinated with the breast-feeding phenomenon even if he wasn't as eloquent about it as he could be.
Rolling her eyes Kate waited for the opportune moment and then switched the infant to her other breast. Covering the other one before Sawyer got any ideas she looked at the baby, then at the father, then at the clock.
"We have to think of a better system…I got less then two hours of sleep."
Sawyer considered the problem for a minute, "I could just attach him to you while your asleep and let him go at it. You get sleep, he gets food and I don't have to hear you bitch about lack of sleep or listen to him cry."
"Sawyer…they're boobs, not Teletubbies. You don't just turn 'em on, put the kid down and voila contentment." Cupping Sawyer's face in an 'aww-ain't-he-cute?' way she gave a small laugh, "Remember when I used to have other excuses for having less then two hours of sleep?"
Eyebrows raised, interests peaked Sawyer simply looked at her for a moment, mulling something over, "So…..how long until we can have sex again?"
Kate looked at the baby who was gazing at its father curiously, "Men… all they have is a one track mind."
The End
A/N- LOL! I liked it…. I did. It was predictable but cute. It's the best I can do for humor in this genre…..what did you think?
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