Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and I am not making a profit from this. This situation is, however, my idea.

This is an old fanfic that I never got around to finishing until tonight. I like the outcome. Please give me feedback, but refrain from flaming me.

"Bleed for me and I'll let you in,

Breathe your life into my skin,

And I've missed my chance again."

- The Briggs

A young boy trudged down the halls of Hogwarts on breezy October morning. A feeling in his gut told him today would be a huge mistake. Because today, Severus planned to do something completely reckless.

Ever since he was a child he had loved Lily Evans with his whole heart. She was the center of his life, the most beautiful creature on the planet, and the very air he breathed. As he contemplated his irrational plan his biggest fear was that he would lose her. If that happened… it was impossible for him to even imagine life without Lily. It's our fifth year. If I don't act now she'll go off and marry James, he thought to himself. That was the reason he pushed himself to such desperate measures. For Lily to marry James would be even worse than life without her. To have someone just out of reach would all but kill Severus.

"Sev? We have the next class together." She explained when he gave her a perplexed look. "So, did you understand the potions homework? I bet you did, you're so great at that class. I, on the other hand, had the hardest time with it." Lily began to elaborate on her difficulty.

Severus shot a longing glance in her direction. She has no idea the magnitude of my feelings for her, he sighed aloud at the hopelessness of this situation. The intensity of his feeling should have thickened the air and been quite evident to Lily, but she seemed oblivious. Happily chirping on about potions, Lily walked into the classroom with Severus at her heels.

The teacher dismissed the class and students began to pile out of the room. Lily lingered behind them waiting for Severus to gather his things. "Hey, did you want to hang outside before our next class?" She asked him as he put his books into a pile.

Severus trembled in excitement as he always did when she suggested spending time alone with him. I'm a lovesick animal, he told himself as he nodded his head vigorously at her. The two of them walked side by side through the long corridors of Hogwarts. Soon, the two of them had reached the grounds where they walked over to a large tree and made themselves comfortable under it's branches. "You know, Lily, I've been thinking…"

"Yeah? What is it Sev? You know you can tell me anything."

"I think we should… Meet out here tonight? I mean, the night is such a nice time to talk. We never see each other that late because we're in different houses. And it'll, you know, get you away from James and his buffoons," Severus spoke the words in a rushed voice bubbling with anxiety.

Lily smiled at her old friend. It was a beautiful sight, her smile. Her whole face seemed to light up and her eyes gained a sparkle that Severus never saw on anyone else. She flipped back her violent red hair as she thought over Severus' plan. "I think I could do that. I'll be here right after dinner in the Great Hall."

Dinner seemed to drag on forever. The impatient Slytherin was fidgeting the entire time. Lucius Malfoy would on occasion inquire how Severus felt. In all honesty, Severus felt like he was standing on the edge of a precipice. Tonight would either make or break his relationship with his best friend. Though he wished he could forget the whole idea, he knew it wasn't possible. If he did, the rest of his life would be spent on 'what if's' and Severus couldn't live with that.

As the students began piling out of the hall and into the stairwells, Severus slipped out and made his way to the grounds. No one noticed the skinny boy. He was great at blending in, though he was never sure that was a good thing. Finding a comfortable place under the tree, Severus sat down and waited for Lily to approach. His hands were perspiring lightly and he felt his pulse quicken. He didn't really believe someone like Lily could love him, not romantically anyway. Still, his heart thudded on and his mind was filled with half hopes that just maybe she would confess her undying love to him.

What Severus lacked in looks he made up for with intelligence. Lily had appreciated that when they first met, but Severus doubted it would be enough to seal the deal. A girl like Lily could have a pretty boy. In the tug-a-war for Lily between himself and James… well, it didn't take a genius to figure out who would emerge the victor.

He could see her advancing toward him now. Her red hair reflected the dim light of the moon and she had a bounce in her step. Severus envied her for that youthful look. He, in contrast, hadn't had that since he was a young boy. He had been gradually hardening since even before he and Lily first met. It's a shame, that we couldn't have a youthful romance like her and James might, a right out shame, he thought to himself.

As her eyes adjusted to the night she took notice of Severus' profile under the tree. A smile lit up her face and she waved to him. He gave her a tentative wave in return. She reached the tree and sat down in the slightly damp grass.

"Hi, Sev. I wasn't sure if you would be here or not. That's silly isn't it? I should trust you more than I do. It's just that crowd you hang around with. I thought maybe the pressured you into getting me alone so they could play some prank."

Severus stared at her for a second processing her words. He was angry, to say the least. She had doubted his intentions. Although, he reasoned it would work in his favor. At least she wasn't aware he was about to confess his feelings. That gave him the upper hand : The element of surprise.

"That's a juvenile act that, unlike Potter and his band of idiots, I will not take part in. You never have to fear my friends, Lily. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

"Severus, I don't like it when you call Remus and Peter idiots. They're nice people. I don't call your friends names."

"You're right. I apologize," He answered, though he was not sorry at all.

Instead of arguing with her he inched closer so they're knees were touching. A look of surprise flashed into her green eyes before she got used to the contact and accepted it. Severus smiled at her to encourage her and tell her everything would be okay. He leaned forward so their faces were inches apart. Again, he gave her a second to adjust to this new proximity. She nervously bit her lower lip, but didn't protest. Confident, Severus let his hands rest against her waist and pressed his slightly dry lips to her soft ones. She stifled a surprised gasp. That gasp shot through his entire body and gave him a wave of pleasure magnifying the pleasure of finally kissing the object of his affection.

After a second, Lily pulled away and opened her mouth as if to speak. No words came from her lips. Instead, they held eye contact for a drawn out moment.

"I love you," Severus whispered.

She continued to stare at him, not trusting herself to speak. In truth, she had no idea how she felt and Severus could see that written all over her face. Despite this, he lightly pushed her down so she lay flat on her back. Lily seemed to be too shocked to fight him, or maybe she liked him enough to allow this to happen. Severus took advantage of the situation and pressed his lips to hers more forcefully this time. His tongue prodded her lips until she opened them allowing him access to her mouth.

By now, he felt himself hardening. He rubbed against her to increase his pleasure. She moaned into the kiss and began to kiss him back just as forcefully as he kissed her. He felt pure pleasure building up at his core and he knew he was almost ready to take this a step further. Lily apparently wanted to prologue the foreplay. She snaked her arms around his slender hips and moved her hips from side to side stimulating his growing erection. It was Severus' turn to moan and Lily felt it touch her somewhere deep inside. She was just as pleased as he was.

Impatiently, she clawed at his robes attempting to remove them. Severus broke the kiss to remove his school robes. Lily began taking off hers as well. Within a matter of seconds they both lay in a naked heap on the ground resuming their kiss and rubbing against each other with a growing need. Severus let one hand rest on her breast and he rubbed her nibble until it grew hard under his fingers. She broke the kiss to catch her breath.

"Oh Sev," she moaned as he took the other nipple in his mouth. His hand now rested on her clit which he ghosted his fingers over warranting a moan from Lily. He rubbed his finger with more vigor the second time. "Sev, Sev, oh Merlin," She moaned.

He smirked and lifted his head to suck on the tender flesh of her neck. He needed more and judging by her wetness, she did as well. He raised his hips raising a protest from Lily. Positioning himself, he pressed the tip of his cock to her entrance.

"Fuck, Lily," Severus moaned, discontinuing the contact with her neck.

"Sev, please," She groaned rubbing his tip against her by moving her hips slightly. "More, please, Sev, so good…"

With a strong thrust Severus was inside of her. She bit into his neck to stifle a scream. He could feel how tight she was and it over stimulated him. He rested for a second letting her adjust to the object inside of her. He could tell she was a virgin by the pained look on her face and how impossibly tight she was. He couldn't help being satisfied with this knowledge: He would be the first to take her.

"Move," She commanded after she removed her mouth from Severus' neck.

He complied, moving as slowly as he could at first which was quite a struggle. All he wanted to do was pound into her tight cavern with all the force he could muster. Instead, he attempted to be gentle. He was moaning quietly, savoring every sweet thrust until he could bear the slow pace no longer. His thrusts quickened and they both moaned louder unable to quiet themselves.

"Lily, oh fuck, Lily… so tight," Severus moaned.

"Kiss me," She breathed, the words slurring as he hit her g-spot.

Severus gladly did what she asked and captured her lips with his. The kiss was fierce once again to keep them from making a racket. His movements were becoming erratic now and he knew he was close to release, but he didn't want the moment to end. Lily was moving against him now in desperate movements wanting to reach her own release. With a final thrust he came inside of her, breaking their animalistic kiss and groaning loudly. Her walls were tightening now and he wanted her to feel the same pleasure he felt. For this reason, he rode out his orgasm continuing to thrust inside of her hitting her g-spot numerous times. As a second though, he brought his hand between them to stimulate her clit in fact circles with his finger. She tightened around him moaning and withering underneath his body.

"Uh, oh oh, Sev, gods, Sev! I'm - I - SEV!" She screamed his name as she orgasmed.

He was panting by now, his body impossibly heavy for his fatigued arms. Quickly, he pulled his soft member out of her. She moaned when he did so, still experiencing the end of her orgasm. He collapsed beside her and smiled.

"You're beautiful, Lily. You're everything to me," he told her.

She turned so she was facing him and studied his face. "Sev, I… That was amazing, but… I don't know if this can go anywhere."

Confusion clouded his eyes. "But, why? What's wrong with us being together?"

"You're my friend, Sev. I love you as a friend, but I can't do this. I shouldn't have let you, I know I shouldn't have. I wasn't thinking. It just felt so good, you know?"

"Of course I know. Lily, I've wanted this forever. I've needed this. You can't just give me a taste and walk away. It's Potter, isn't it?"

She hesitated before giving him an answer. "Yes. It is because of James. Not just James, but also Remus, and Peter, and Sirius even. Honestly, it's hard to even stay friends, Sev. If we started doing something more, like dating, what would our friends think? Our worlds, they're different. Trying to combine them can't be done. Neither of us want to lose our friends. Think about it, Sev. I can't forget about my friends to start something with you. They disapprove of our friendship.. I can't."

He stared at her with intense anger. He was livid, digging his fingernails into his palms and grinding his teeth. He could see no flaws in her logic. He knew that after this night she would probably start avoiding him and he would no longer be able to even look at her. Sure enough, she was avoiding eye contact already. Twisting her neck away from him, she got to her feet and began collecting her school clothes and pulled them on as quickly as she could. He hung his head letting all hope for a future with her slip away.

Lily left him there, naked under the tree. He didn't look up and she didn't say goodbye.

The next day, Severus was trying to concentrate on his studies under the same tree he and Lily were at the night before. His hair hung limply in his face and his nose was in a book, though he couldn't concentrate.

"Look who it is, Sirius. Our good friend Snape with his nose in a book," James said loudly as he came towards Severus.

"You're right, James. How about we have some fun with good 'ol Snape."

James smirked and drew his wand. Severus was nervous, knowing Potter was capable of tormenting him. James cast "Levicorpus" holding Severus by the foot in mid air. Severus blindly lashed out trying to reach James with his fists. A crowd had gathered now to laugh at him.

"Who wants to see me take of Snivellus' trousers?" James said, laughing.

"James Potter!" A voice called causing Severus a mixture of hope and despair, "You put him down right now."

Lily was confident he would listen to her. James surprised her by not even answering. He was about to cast the spell to remove Severus' pants and Lily just stood there dumb struck. Severus knew he didn't have much time left and he glanced at Lily who happened to glance at him the same time. He could see the mixture of shame and discomfort in her face before she quickly looked away.

"You…. You mudblood!" Severus screamed at her.

Lily looked at him then and he could see something inside of her snap. She turned on her heel and walked away. He knew this would be the last time she attempted to come to his aid.

"Wait, no, Lily, I didn't mean it!" He called desperately after her.

She didn't so much as turn around. Severus was unaware of the audience and the torment he was receiving. His ears picked up no noise at all and time seemed to painfully slow down. All he could concentrate on was the fact that it was over. He had ruined it, the only thing that mattered to him anymore. The only person he had ever loved was walking away and he was the reason for it. He couldn't fix it or change it. This was the end. A tear fell from his eye, hitting the ground and falling on the grass blending in with the morning dew. A slight drizzle started falling from the sky. James and his friends reluctantly dropped Severus to hurry inside before a rain storm commenced. Severus lay where he landed in the grass enjoying the pain of falling because it took away from his inner hurt. He had no will to get up and return to the castle, so he remained, broken and dripping wet.

Something left him that day and though he has searched for it ever since it was never reunited with him. His patronus had been a doe ever since, just like hers. He stood infront of Albus now, thinking back on his Hogwarts years with Lily. Her death had hurt him more than he could bear, but she was dead to him long ago. Albus studied Severus carefully, reading his expression with ease.

"After all this time, Severus?"

The response came without hesitation and without question as to what it pertained to, "Always."