Dear... Whatever.
This is not a diary. Nor is it a journal. Those are for simpering young maidens to write down their deepest, innermost thoughts about hair ribbons and which boys in the village they are currently flirting with, et cetera. I'm not sure what this is exactly. But it isn't a diary or a journal, because I am a man.
I'm don't really know why I'm writing this. If anyone ever read it, my life would be ruined. Not literally, but the entire persona I've spent nearly my whole life trying to shape would be ripped to shreds. I might as well be dead if that ever happens. After all, a fake reputation is all a man has.
Anyway, the name's Eugene Fitzherbert. But don't call me that. There isn't a single person alive, save myself, who knows my real name. They call me by the alias I invented for myself. Flynn Rider. My parents died when I was 6 years old, and Eugene died with them. I was never rich by any means, but when they left, I found myself on the streets with nothing. I had to create a new life for myself, and I might as well start it as a new person. Flynnigan Rider was my hero. He was the main character in my favorite book, The Tales of Flynnigan Rider. He was a brave, rich adventurer who always seemed to get whatever he wanted. Basically, he was everything I wasn't and everything I aspired to be.
In order to achieve the kind of life I wanted for myself, I started thieving. I was cunning and fast, so I found it easy to break into people's houses through an unlatched window or a backdoor. I stole all kinds of baubles and trinkets from people in my village and sold them. The items I took earned me enough money to make a living for myself, but it eventually became clear that if I wanted a carefree life like Flynnigan Rider's, I was going to have to steal items of great value.
Around the time I realized this, I also began to realize the devastating effect my appearance made on women. I had always known I wasn't grotesquely disfigured by any means, but it became suddenly apparent that I was, well, good-looking. Really good-looking. It occurred to me that I could use this to my advantage, so I did. As a teenager, I would hang around taverns and inns, and when a woman wearing anything I could steal came in, I would flirt with her, kiss her, secuce her. I made a point never to sleep with virgins. In fact, I avoided them like the plague. If anyone found out I had "deflowered" some maiden, I would probably either be killed or forced to marry the damn girl. Neither option sounded appealing to me.
I was skilled with my fingers and could remove necklaces, bracelets, and other pieces of jewelry without a woman noticing. A few times I was with women so drunk that they didn't even notice that I slipped their rings right off of their fingers. Sometimes they were wedding rings. I occasionally felt guilty about it, but I reminded myself that the women obviously didn't take their marriages too seriously if they were willing to engage in a tryst with me. That's all it ever was. A tryst. I was never with a woman longer than a night and I liked it that way. Attachments and love inevitably led to heartbreak and pain, as I had learned from my parents' deaths. I vowed I would never let myself feel anything for another person again, and to this day, I have kept that promise to myself.
My life went on like that for a while. I traveled from town to town and lived a life of danger, thrills, and pleasure. One evening as I was about to escort some drunken woman I had just met to a seedy inn, a pair of twins known as the Stabbington brothers approached me. They were thieves, too, and had heard about me. They told me about their plan to steal the crown of the lost princess of Corona. They needed my help. I had always worked alone, but it occurred to me that a crown was probably worth about as much as everything I'd ever stolen combined. If we got away with it, I could buy myself a castle or my own island or... the possibilities were endless. I ditched the drunk lady and took the Stabbingtons up on their offer.
I've been travelling with the Stabbingtons for about a week now. I don't like or trust them. I wouldn't put it past them to leave me to be thrown in jail and make off with the crown. I'll have to beat them to it! We're on the outskirts of Corona now. We'll be camping out here for the night and we'll steal the crown first thing tomorrow. Once I get away from the Stabbingtons and sell it, I'm going to be the richest man alive! I can't wait to get this over with.
Sincerely? Fondly? Er... soon to be extremely rich-ly,
Flynn