All my life I had been taught and trained to always be two steps ahead of everybody else. I had been trained to always be prepared for any kind of situation.

I am a warrior and warriors had to stand firm and strong.

Nothing is to sway a warrior's heart.

I grew up nurtured with these ideals,

I took each and every one of those words to heart.

All was well until my heart turned against me.

I didn't know what to think when this odd group stumbled into my life, dragging that hopeless monk along with them.

I also did not know what to think when he started causing these strange emotions to well up inside of me, emotions that I had never thought possible.

I was trained to be a warrior. My entire life for as long as I could remember was dedicated to my training and fighting.

I had no time for cooing over beautiful kimonos in the market place with the other girls. I had no patience for learning the long and agonizing process that came with painting my face like my friends had. I certainly had no time for the young men within the village and their advances or their lingering eyes.

I didn't care about falling in love.

Until now.

Now, the state of my appearance constantly lingers within my mind. My actions are more carefully planned within my head, as are my words. I find my gaze lingering more and more on my companion.

My friend.

My fellow warrior.

The warrior with in my screams that these feelings, these emotions, are so terribly wrong, yet the suppressed feminine side of me cannot let him go, no matter how hard I fight it. No amount of determination or battle training would aid me in this ongoing battle.

I was doomed to fail.

When I brought up this infuriating truth to Kagome during one of the rare secluded times we spent together, she could only manage to smile knowingly, her eyes sad. She was going through a similar situation.

Similar, but not the same.

At times I envy Kagome, who was able to grow up in a time where she did not need to know how to fight or to defend herself. She was able to grow up like a normal girl. She got to spend time with her friends and freely dabble in many feminine pursuits to their hearts' desire. She was well learned in the ways of grabbing men's attention and courting, even if she was not fully aware of the fact. I had seen it countless times, as InuYasha's eyes follow her around camp as she performs her nightly chores.

Hell, I have even caught the monk staring a few times. I wish so desperately to be more like Kagome sometimes; so that I may be the one to hold his attention for more then the mere seconds he takes advantage of my negligence to grope me.

I want him to notice me.

I want him to realize that I too am a woman.

I want him to realize that he is the cause of the stuttering, the flushing, the horrifically un-warrior like behavior, and of the painful pounding with in my chest. I want him to know these things because I wish to know whether I inflict him with the same symptoms or not.

Kami, what the hell has he done to me?